My wife had an affair with my brother
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-04-2009, 12:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife had an affair with my brother

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Old 03-04-2009, 12:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife had an affair with my brother

Other than your children, why would you stay in this marriage? At least 3 affairs??? There is such a thing as a serial cheater. Do you really believe her behavior will ever change?
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:30 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife had an affair with my brother

Yeah, I would have been "out" after the first one with your brother, then 2 more?

Time to leave, regardless if you love her or not.

Some people can heal after an affair, but repeated affairs should nearly always be divorce material.
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Old 03-04-2009, 12:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife had an affair with my brother

I am so sorry to hear that are you still talking to your brother? I just dont get why she would go back and do it again after the renewal?
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Yeah, I would have been "out" after the first one with your brother, then 2 more?

Time to leave, regardless if you love her or not.

Some people can heal after an affair, but repeated affairs should nearly always be divorce material.
Unfortunately I found out while we were in the process of making a 1000+ mile move, house hunting and starting a new job. A lot of things were already up in the air at that time. Once we got a house and my job started we separated for about a year. I moved back in because it seemed like she was going to pull it together and I wanted to be with my kids. We renewed our vows and bam, 3 months later using emails and IM's I busted her with 2 other guys. We went to therapy for about 4 months and I don't think she has done anything since, but every now and then it comes back and haunts me. I don't think I can stay with her AND get past all of this...
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I am so sorry to hear that are you still talking to your brother? I just dont get why she would go back and do it again after the renewal?
I have not spoken to my brother in over 5 years thanks to this mess. I can't bring myself to talk to him. My parents ask me every now and then if I have spoken with him recently and I tell them no, but I can't tell them why. It is embarrassing and I feel pretty foolish for not killing off this marriage 5 years ago and moving on. As for the other guys after the renewal I don't get it either...
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Yeah, I think its time to get out man, it will be nearly impossible for you to ever get over all of that combined.

Also, about the wanting to see your kids, fight for full custody, she is obviously a wreck. I doubt it with the way our legal system leans toward the mother no matter the circumstances, but you might be lucky and be awarded the kids. Then she would have to pay childsupport instead of the other way around.
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife had an affair with my brother

Your wife has boundary issues and is willing to lie and deceive you when it is convenient to her selfish needs for inappropriate attention.

You represent daddy, an authority figure to her that she has to rebel against like a teenage girl.

It actually pisses her off that she gets away with it since you in the responsible adult trap and try to keep a "normal" family going.

Put your foot down.
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Old 03-04-2009, 01:43 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Sometimes you can deal with the pain. And sometimes you can't. Your wife is a serial cheater. She will always be a serial cheater. Even if she never strayed again. You either have to accept what she has done and move forward with her. Or divorce her. She has not cheated again that you know of. But she will. If she cheated 3 months AFTER you renewed your vows, there is nothing meaningful to her regarding your marriage. She may love you and the kids. But she comes from a completely different moral base then you. Her morality basically allows her to cheat on you with no conscience or concern for the pain she has or will inflict upon you. With her history, you literally have to have no expectation of fidelity. If you can live like that. That is your choice.

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Old 03-04-2009, 01:53 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I have not spoken to my brother in over 5 years thanks to this mess. I can't bring myself to talk to him. My parents ask me every now and then if I have spoken with him recently and I tell them no, but I can't tell them why. It is embarrassing and I feel pretty foolish for not killing off this marriage 5 years ago and moving on. As for the other guys after the renewal I don't get it either...

Maybe it's really time now to move on.. they are all right. Once is enough, and two is too much. You should do something to end this, or it will continue if you just let her. You deserve someone better..
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:20 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife had an affair with my brother

my husband had a affair six years ago !! its taken me to very recently to move on and enjoy being with him again.
If he hurt me by having another affair i dont think i could be so forgiving.In fact i know id walk.
Id still love him and id still want to have him part of our childrens life but i know that i deserve to be supported emotionally and feel loved and valued to.

What your brother did was wrong ,he betrayed you to crossed the line !! how ever have you spoken to him about why and how it happened ?

you deserve so much more good luck
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Old 03-04-2009, 02:56 PM   #12 (permalink)
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my husband had a affair six years ago !! its taken me to very recently to move on and enjoy being with him again.
If he hurt me by having another affair i dont think i could be so forgiving.In fact i know id walk.
Id still love him and id still want to have him part of our childrens life but i know that i deserve to be supported emotionally and feel loved and valued to.

What your brother did was wrong ,he betrayed you to crossed the line !! how ever have you spoken to him about why and how it happened ?

you deserve so much more good luck
You let them back in and give them that second chance everone deserves a second chance but a 5th NO WAY they know they can do it and be forgivin. I dont know if that healthy for you.
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife had an affair with my brother

I do think you should talk to your brother , what he did was wrong but sometimes you can get closure by talking things through
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Old 03-05-2009, 10:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Let me tell ya... during my marriage, my wife cheated on me 2 times, made out with a couple guys, and I forgave her. All of that stuff happened at least seven years ago, so I thought we survived the affair, and we were a stronger couple for it. I thought my relationship with my wife was special and we could get through anything if we just kept the lines of communication open.
About six months ago, she started making drastic improvements in her life: she started going to school, began a new job in her field of study, lost a ton of weight, got a new wardrobe, fixed her credit, and got a new car.
Finally! My wife was taking responsibility for her own life! I was so proud of her!

Well... guess what?

She decided she's no longer in love with me, she met somebody at her new job, slept with him, and now she says she's in love with him after only 2 dates. These changes she made were in preparation of abandoning the marriage.
So before this happens to you, decide to move on, get your life together, then dump her. Please let me live vicariously through you! PLEASE!
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Old 03-05-2009, 10:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Let me tell ya... during my marriage, my wife cheated on me 2 times, made out with a couple guys, and I forgave her. All of that stuff happened at least seven years ago, so I thought we survived the affair, and we were a stronger couple for it. I thought my relationship with my wife was special and we could get through anything if we just kept the lines of communication open.
About six months ago, she started making drastic improvements in her life: she started going to school, began a new job in her field of study, lost a ton of weight, got a new wardrobe, fixed her credit, and got a new car.
Finally! My wife was taking responsibility for her own life! I was so proud of her!

Well... guess what?

She decided she's no longer in love with me, she met somebody at her new job, slept with him, and now she says she's in love with him after only 2 dates. These changes she made were in preparation of abandoning the marriage.
So before this happens to you, decide to move on, get your life together, then dump her. Please let me live vicariously through you! PLEASE!
Oh wow! That's horrible...I'm really sorry. You know though you confirmed my worst fear. It was last summer I caught H having an affair through some emails he'd sent. He didn't admit to it, I caught him, he lied. I tried to confront him before about some signs I'd seen and he got angry told me I was being stupid...anyway we reconciled last summer. Things is...and people told me this too... he's not capable of running his business without me, no ability to manage money. He's brilliant in his work, but he's no good with money. So when the S*** hit the fan, did he suddenly think crap who's going to do all this and figured he'd better try to get me back At least until he learned how to manage his business on his own and finances better. He started asking me so he could learn but it didn't last. Made me wonder. I was thrilled, I'd love help in this area but can't get him to learn it..

Now when I first started thinking he may be having an affair it was me who worked out, got a new hair cut, lost weight, and made new friends and became independent in preparation for being alone I decided to take care of me. So I wonder if he decided he liked how I looked, and since other men were noticing he'd better do something..I don't know.

I think these doubts prevent me from letting my guard down but then I read something like this and think its good I don't let my guard down.

Sorry didn't mean to hijack this thread.
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