Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Quote:
Originally Posted by highwood
I think for me the EA was bad enough that H had however I know if there was a physical component that would have taken it over the top for me...I don't know if I could have gotten over that. Not that the EA part of it is easy I don't know something about the physical aspect would have, in my situation only, made it so much worse.
And most will say that EAs usually eventually get to PAs. So "catching" an EA is catching a would-be PA in the making.
I've struggled with this. My W thinks I should be giving her credit she withheld and didn't go PA. If she had, we'd be done. But the fact she wanted to is really, f*cking hard to take, dude.
I'm trying hard not to be really pissed at your question.
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Most of the time, a PA is really (PA + EA) and if comparing (PA + EA) to just EA. Obviously EA is better.
If question was PA (a one night stand with a stranger) vs EA (maybe being in touch with someone for years with nothing physical), I would choose PA as the lesser of two evils especially if I didn't marry a virgin.
I feel giving your heart and soul to someone is more intimate that giving your body.
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
If my H had slept w someone once and never seen them again it would be better than spending everyday 10hrs/day for a year giving her his time, energy, thoughts,efforts to impress,and emotions all while lying to my face. He was willing to crush me to be with her. Picture that.
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Not what really is strange, can't remember who said it but they talked about a "long distance EA" which I assume to mean phone calls, or other dumb behavior, but in that situation there is never a risk of it going PA. I read one post somewhere on a different thread that the wife was destroyed over the fact that her hubby had a long distance EA with a chic in another country. Now there was never a chance of them meeting, and never a chance for a PA, but non the less she was broken to pieces.. I don't get that.. I mean I can understand being pissed and probably ripping the phone out of the wall if I stern warning did not stop the behavior but there was no contact so to speak.
Additionally the definition that many are giving here is EA/PA where they are holding hands, strolling barefoot on the beach together etc. I was thinking of an EA as getting a bit to friendly with someone else, sowing the seed so to speak, but not going intimate.
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
I think the male and female perspectives can be radically different on EA vs PA. A man is genetically threatened by an unfaithful wife and the possibility of raising the OM's child. A wife is threatened by the loss of security and a lifetime of love a marriage should provide. Personally PA was a show stopper.
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bandit
Additionally the definition that many are giving here is EA/PA where they are holding hands, strolling barefoot on the beach together etc. I was thinking of an EA as getting a bit to friendly with someone else, sowing the seed so to speak, but not going intimate.
But that's where you're wrong. You see: an emotional affair is very intimate. Sharing thoughts/feelings/being vulnerable with someone else emotionally is extremely intimate.
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
you focus too much on physical intimacy
think about the damage of an EA
when you give your emotional heart/love to someone else that means you are also taking it away from the spouse
that leads to less physical intimacy, more arguments, less time spent with the spouse since they want to chat with their EA lover, rewriting marital history, irrational justifications, child neglect, money spent on gifts sometimes, etc etc
my goodness, don't you see this?'
for you the physical consummation is the be all, end all I guess, but I would hope that you could at least see how very destructive an EA is
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans
But that's where you're wrong. You see: an emotional affair is very intimate. Sharing thoughts/feelings/being vulnerable with someone else emotionally is extremely intimate.
My wife's E/A was never physical of any kind, when she told me POSOM made her feel special and important, dude that was all it took....My guts are still on the back porch, where we had D-day.
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
you focus too much on physical intimacy
think about the damage of an EA
when you give your emotional heart/love to someone else that means you are also taking it away from the spouse
that leads to less physical intimacy, more arguments, less time spent with the spouse since they want to chat with their EA lover, rewriting marital history, irrational justifications, child neglect, money spent on gifts sometimes, etc etc
my goodness, don't you see this?'
for you the physical consummation is the be all, end all I guess, but I would hope that you could at least see how very destructive an EA is
I really want to crush that little bouncing turtle.. but good point though and I am seeing your side. However, I still see the EA as the lesser of two evils..
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bandit
I really want to crush that little bouncing turtle.. but good point though and I am seeing your side. However, I still see the EA as the lesser of two evils..
that's your opinion and I can't change that as we all have our dealbreakers/lines in the sand that we set
but just because you don't share the same value doesn't make it less valid to the person suffering
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)
Bandit, Intimacy is about more than physical touch. If my H is sharing his innermost thoughts w/ow and not w me he is intimate w/her. If he is lying to me to spend time w/her, he choses her over me. If he is hiding emails from her b/c they contain inappropriate discussions, he is breaking his vows. He essentially is chosing her over me. You cant see where that is heartbreaking?
101Likes
Re: Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question) 
