Whats the big deal with an EA? (EA vs PA Question)

calvin · 04-14-2012, 07:11 PM

Anybody out there think we're weird or strange for the way we post? Just a question no offense will be taken,seems to work for us so far. : )
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canttrustu · 04-14-2012, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calvin

Anybody out there think we're weird or strange for the way we post? Just a question no offense will be taken,seems to work for us so far. : )
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by 'we' you mean you and CSS?

CantSitStill · 04-14-2012, 07:43 PM

lol we do talk to eachother other than on here but sometimes it's kinda fun to talk to him here

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canttrustu · 04-14-2012, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantSitStill

lol we do talk to eachother other than on here but sometimes it's kinda fun to talk to him here

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I say if you've found a way to get thru this mess, then thats exactly what you should do. Exactly. I hope the time comes when my H can come on w/me. Im not there yet(til he gets a new job and never sees ow again). So good for you-both of you.

Purple Haze · 04-14-2012, 07:53 PM

Where does friendship end and EA start?

I am not trying to start anything, just new to site and am trying to figure it all out.

Entropy3000 · 04-14-2012, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bandit

Trying to figure out the whole EA issue? I read about a lot of people on hear that were "DEVASTATED" by their spouses EA. Which to me seems a bit melodramatic and/or over the top. I understand a PA, which of course means that your spouse was shagged by somebody else; this I can relate to as being devastating as they were intimate together, their was an exchange of fluids etc..

It may just be my understanding of the term EA, but it seems as though it encompasses texting, sexting, talking on the phone, talking about their relationship, being buddy buddy etc.. but not physical.. all behaviors which are uncool, and I don't condone. However, none of which I see as "Devastating or heart wrenching" more or less along the lines of just acting stupid. Left unchecked this behavior could certainly sow the seeds for something more insidious but you can't convict before a crime (Minority Report).. and since nothing "physical has happened" it is not the end of the world so to speak..

If someone could clarify or give their perspective it would be much appreciated...

--->Quick Edit<--

Not trying to minimize how others felt as we are all different, just trying to a better definition of EA...

Think of an EA as the mating ritual before your spouse starts banging someone else. This is whne your marriage is destroyed. They fall in live with another. It is being unfaithful. It is essemtially the ritual most of us had with our spouse before we have sex with them.

It's a big deal.

If you do not mind your woman being in love with another gus and not you then ok. A PA is an absolute deal breaker for me. But thing of an EA is another guy seducing your woman and she is going along with it. Some guys do not mind their wives dating other men. Also many EAs are PAs but spouses are none the wiser.

Entropy3000 · 04-14-2012, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bandit

I'm kinda with you, if it goes PA then that's bad, but at the EA point things are probably still salvageable, but once it goes PA.. well there is no fixing that as they are no longer yours..

Many people think this. But even if you catch an EA before it goes PA, they may take it to a PA anyway. You have to catch an EA early.

Lon · 04-14-2012, 08:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple Haze

Where does friendship end and EA start?

I am not trying to start anything, just new to site and am trying to figure it all out.

the first moment you share with someone else something that should be for your spouse.

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-14-2012, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple Haze

Where does friendship end and EA start?

I am not trying to start anything, just new to site and am trying to figure it all out.

Friendship ends and EA starts when you put the relationship with the 'friend' above your spouse. It becomes an EA when you do and say things to your 'friend' that you would be ashamed to let your spouse know about.

Purple Haze · 04-14-2012, 08:52 PM

Thanks for the clarifications.

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-14-2012, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Purple Haze

Thanks for the clarifications.

You're welcome.

(By the way, another name for an Emotional Affair is 'Affair of the Heart', which I think leaves no doubt about the seriousness of the offense with respect to the betrayed spouse.)

CantSitStill · 04-14-2012, 11:10 PM

Thank you Canttrustu

I feel when the I love yous happen it went way too far..Now I can't figure out how I could've said that to a man I hardly knew, yes he was an ex bf from 20 something yrs ago but crap now I KNOW I didn't really love him, Calvin was the one that took care of me when I went thru tragedies and such.. What was I thinking???
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strugglinghusband · 04-16-2012, 06:54 AM

Thought about bandits question over the weekend, I guess you can look at like comparing a rotten apple to a rotten orange, both taste like ****, but if you've only tasted the one, you become somewhat biased to the other...wow your lucky you didnt taste the rotten apple(P/A) because its the absoulte worst and not even knowing what the rotten orange(E/A) tastes like,or vice versa.. the poison, trying to choke it down .....then you try to make sense of it in your mind, if had gone the other way , would you still try R? would the other have been a deal breaker?, would the hurt have been any less?...IDK..
I guess its our own minds trying to protect us from hurt, saying one or the other is worse, depending on which happened to you.

iheartlife · 04-16-2012, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by strugglinghusband

Thought about bandits question over the weekend, I guess you can look at like comparing a rotten apple to a rotten orange, both taste like ****, but if you've only tasted the one, you become somewhat biased to the other...wow your lucky you didnt taste the rotten apple(P/A) because its the absoulte worst and not even knowing what the rotten orange(E/A) tastes like,or vice versa.. the poison, trying to choke it down .....then you try to make sense of it in your mind, if had gone the other way , would you still try R? would the other have been a deal breaker?, would the hurt have been any less?...IDK..
I guess its our own minds trying to protect us from hurt, saying one or the other is worse, depending on which happened to you.

This is why, in life, I deliberately choose not to envy anyone else for anything. And that is especially true of cr*p in their lives. I would not trade places with anyone else because I don't know exactly what they're going through, I don't have their background, preferences, childhood, fears, family or lack thereof, etc etc. Maybe their situation is way worse than mine...and I really don't want to find out the hard way.

reggis · 04-16-2012, 09:46 PM

Maybe you're still struggling because she really had a PA not an EA and your brain is telling you something she and your heart are saying differently.

I read most of the posts. There's more to it then just an EA.

I sense it.