If you live in a small town try to consult with as many lawyers as you can, when you find the right one ask him who is his best opponit is. If your wife were to choose one.
Doen't tell the lawyer but get a consult with the compitition.
This will limit your wifes options in finding a good lawyer and will be stuck with a slow lazy one.
lawyers don't like this but it is a conflict of interest if your wife gets a lawyer you already consulted.
Also examin the text and call usage with regard to times, you may beable to coillate a time frame and even a day that they hook up. there may be large time gap during a certian day.
Or you just take the whole week off and investigate.
We are creatures of routine, if you have the strength, you might beable to stick with your investigation long enough until you can catch her red handed.
I am sorry for what you are going through but The Guy is right.
Time is on your side. Bear the pain. Get as much evidence as you can. Video plus Var.
Use the GPS to see where she goes.
If she is bringing a stranger into your house to have sex while the kids are there would be the final piece you need to go
"scorched earth" if you feel you need to.
Do not leave her any wiggle room to lie to you.
Beat any resistance into the ground with your evidence. Have a plan in place backed up by an attorney so she knows you mean business.
And if you determine that she has checked out of the marriage and is not protecting the kids then you know what to do!!
If the OM has a wife and family you make sure you coordinate the confrontations for maximum effect.
Part of your investigation work must include the OM.
If hes married you expose to OMW, then your WW.
If she contiues the affair after confronting then expose to family and friends. even though you are divorcing any way, this move will help you in damage control and avoid looking like the bad guy.
The second biggest thing with evidence is the damage control that you will need to do when she starts rewriting history to her family and your friends.
You can now buy hidden cameras built into clock radios, books, and other harmless appearing items. If you go that route, don't forget the guest bedroom, if you have one. While most wayward wives can't resist getting nailed in their husband's bed, some do move the action down the hall. At least at first. Do the entry, too.
They are continuing their affair from where they left. It may have been going on your back for a while. Wah what a POS your wife is?
Banging someone infront of children is the ultimate cruelty towards the kids and you. Banging someoone on her marital home is like ****8ing someone infront of you, the most disrespectful and heneious act ever a wife can do. She disrespect you, your children and your marriage.
confront her after gathering maximum evidence and throw her out of your house, she dont deserve any mercy from you as she didnt have any mercy for you. Issue her with D papers and protect your assets and children.
Thanks for replies and input. I am going to order a couple cameras and a VAR. All of our kids are in school so I do not think that they are doing anything with the kids home - they would rat them out.
The OM lives with his GF in her house. I don't think I'll tell her until immediately after as I want to make sure that I control the exposure. She could go crazy, spill the beans and kick him out immediately.
Just curious why exposure method would matter depending on reconciliation vs. divorce? I think red-handed would be best because it would undeniable and embarrassing as hell.
IMO exposure to GF only will helping ending the affair, the OM will throw your W under the bus to try to keep his GF and a place to live. Exposing to OMGF 1st will prevent any kind of damage control from OM. " hey this crazy guy will be calling you and will tell you lies b/c we had a fight"
Exposure to family and friends make the affair inconvienent and uncomfortable to continue after you confront your WW and she wants to continue the A.
Again damage control, your will will lie to her family and tell them you beat her to make her self look good while she contiues the A.
Let OMGF spill the beans, you will still have the upper hand, when confronting yor wife. OM will be doing his own damage control, and it won't effect your confrontation. Sure OM will be on the phone as soon as he can with your WW, but timing is everything.
But remember never reveal your source's.
Just tell OM GF you have proof if she wants it, but you need to confront your WW. Hell you and the OMGF can confront together if you play your cards right.
Go get your proof/ schedule of next meeting then think about the timing with regards to confronting and exposure with OMGF. The red handed idea is great but often the betrayed become to weak and can't stand it any more and confronts before the next hook up.
But in your case it seems pretty convienent to hook up so getting the info for the next hook up will be key, then cordinating with OMGF would a logistic problem.
Its possible that GF would call Om immediately, and while WW and OM are putting there cloths back on you might loose the caught red handed effect.
IMO the caught red handed idea works, just have your phone ready to call OMGF while OM is running out of the house or motel.
Whether you want to reconcile makes a difference in the way you confront your wife, not necessarily in how you expose the affair.
If you want to try to reconcile, you should be prepared with a list of conditions your wife must meet in order for you to even consider trying to reconcile.
Such conditions could be:
(1) stop all contact with the other man immediately - no communication of any kind whatsoever ever again;
(2) she sends a handwritten letter to the other man saying how horribly ashamed she is for her behavior and how terrible she feels for risking the loss of her husband, marriage, and family, telling the other man it is over and he should never try to contact her again, if he does she will file harassment charges against him;
(3) no contact includes no looking at his profile on facebook and other social media sites;
(4) if he ever tries to contact her again, she does not respond and let's you know immediately;
(5) she gets rid of any gifts he may have given her;
(6) whatever other conditions you might have or want related to the affair and your relationship. You tell her if she doesn't want to meet your conditions, you will file for divorce. And then you do it. You can always stop the process if she agrees to your conditions later on.
Usually after the confrontation, the cheater storms out and calls the other man.
Immediately after this, you would call to expose to the other man's girlfriend and her family and whoever you determine would be of help in ending the affair (she almost definitely will not be able to end it cold turkey right away, even if she wants to, it's like an addiction). You do not tell your wife anything about the exposure. You do it quickly, keeping all calls short and to the point, to reach all the people you want to before she can call them and tell them you're crazy and try to put the blame for everything on you.
If you do want to reconcile, you might want to tell her along with your conditions that you will be willing to work on the marriage, that you still love her and want to get over this, but it will take time, and you may never get over it, you just don't know yet.
If you do not want to try to reconcile, then all of the conditions really don't matter. You may want to expose to the other man's girlfriend and her family anyway, just so she can't paint you as the bad guy in all this, and so the other man's girlfriend can make her own decisions knowing the truth.
No matter what, you do not leave your own house. She is the cheater, if anyone leaves, she does. If you leave, she will say you abandoned her and the kids, she may change the locks on you and make things really nasty.
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