Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off?
hey man, just stop talking to her period unless it's about the kids. from reading the lil of you journal that I could stomach, there is not much talking or recording about the kids, it's all about you and her, when it should be about them. YOU have codependency issues, I understand this, you like me are alkies. but, she is now using your pass to keep you codep. I like that you are manning up, but the talking with her about your relationship is not helping her or you, keep it about the kids, tell her parents, take the journal to your lawyer, and get her out of the house. why ? for the kids, protect them from her drunken behaviour, that's what you should be working on with the lawyer 1st. get him to get an emergency hearing, to keep her away from them. If you have to, threaten to have the bartender and others sepeaed. I mean, how do you think this all looks to them
Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nexgen
Her:
make it right so he isn't afraid to talk to me. make sure he knows there's no drama.
Me:
Amanda I'm not a mean, or cold person. You know that right?
Her:
Make it right
You know his number right.
Me: The last time I did that for you (wisconsin), I stood my ground with him, then for you I helped him feel comfortable coming back to you, because I thought that nobility would help to bring you back to me....but instead he never left.
Seriously.
That right there sums up your entire story. It speaks volumes about what she thinks of you and how little respect she has for you or your marriage. You've enabled her and enabled her. You actually helped him feel comfortable to come back to your WW? Are you out of your freaking mind?
Is this for real? I hope you truly want to stop living as a willing cuckold. Your kids should be your priority. This calls for a hard 180 from you. Stop contacting her. Go dark.
Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off?
Why she is treating you like a cuckold husband who is supposed to make her way clear for banging OM? It may be because you enabled her cheating earlier and she expect the same cuckold doormat husband now. Kick her ass out of your house. Expose her and him at their respective work place. Expose her to her family else she will make you a villain who kicked his innocent wife for having a friendship with OM. A jelous controlling husband. so expose before she lies to all.
Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off?
I'm sorry. you should file for divorce, go 180 and see what she does. Unfortunately, I don't think you have any shot at success and I would just follow through with the divorce.
Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off?
Maybe it's just me, but isn't a husband SUPPOSED to c0ckblock another man away from his wife? What is so noble about waiting for your WW while she is banging an OM? This blows my mind.
Yes, and thats why I confronted him, and will not do the same thing I did before. Thats also why I'm going to see a lawyer in a few hours. Thats also why she is couch hopping or whatever it is shes doing. I'm letting her come over here and see the kids because its against the law for me to deny her access to her own house until the courts decree it, or I file a restraining order.
The 180 is in effect. Better late than never I guess. The balls have dropped.
Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nexgen
Yes, and thats why I confronted him, and will not do the same thing I did before. Thats also why I'm going to see a lawyer in a few hours. Thats also why she is couch hopping or whatever it is shes doing. I'm letting her come over here and see the kids because its against the law for me to deny her access to her own house until the courts decree it, or I file a restraining order.
The 180 is in effect. Better late than never I guess. The balls have dropped.
Since I kicked her out, she had been going along with it. I have been arguing alot, but she keeps returning. Today I saw a lawyer about divorce. I got some things off my chest, and the lawyer agrees with me. She also said it sounds like she had a mental health issue...this is the second time I have heard this.
Here is my stance today:
-I dont want to be malicious, but I do want to protect our children, and my stance.
-I want us to be able to respectably divvy up our household items without needing a mediator. This includes getting to a place where it is legal for me to change the locks as I will then be the only one on the mortgage.
-I want us to be able to come to an agreement about the best interest of our children. This is their home, and I want that to stay that way. I want her to be able to have as much time with them as she wants as I believe they need that. That being said, I would need her to prove that she can be trusted to make responsible decisions about them before I could feel comfortable with them being with her unsupervised for any length of time. This would include her being willing to take an alchohol/substance abuse assesment, then acting accordingly based on the outcome of that assesment. If she really doesnt have a problem as she states then this will be a none issue for her and seeing a pass on that assesment will allow me to better trust her judgement.
-I WILL enlist the help of an attorney if I get the impression that she doesnt want to be responsible and play fair.
She is willing to let me determine the outcome. This shows me yet another reason why she has no intention on changing whatsoever.
So be it....I'm out. I'm worth way more than everything in this tragic tale that has become my life played out in this thread.
Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nexgen
-I WILL enlist the help of an attorney if I get the impression that she doesnt want to be responsible and play fair.
NO! NO! NO! Get the advice of an attorney NOW! Have them draw up legal custody papers that will stand up in court. Don't even consider that she will play fair. You have to plan for the worst possible scenario. For the kids.
Shaggy I know what you're saying and I agree. I appreciate that you and everyone else is here to help me see the reality of my situation.
Being a recovering alcoholic/addict, people like us learn that it is not safe for us to take the notion of anger and resentment lightly as for us it can very easily consume us to destruction if left unchecked. Some of you may understand this. That being said, I am not broken...only aware of my , MY limits today. I'm on the same page as you, believe me. Its just that I need to get there in a way that is safe for me.
I don't know how this works. I've never been here before. I have no frame of reference. I'm trying my best to get back to me. I'm starting to do the right things I think, I'm starting to act based on my feelings and what I want/need instead of just reacting to hers. Small moves... I'm taking me back from her. I'm still fresh into this...being force fed this pain, and wanting to run from it, to reclaim my sense of self. This is all so intense. I'm getting there... Thanks all for the words of encouragement.
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Re: Am I nuts? Blind? or can patience finally pay off? 
