In The Dark

Brief story: My wife had an EA last summer with a neighbor. I suspected but didn't have proof until I discovered the call and text log from her cell phone from her phone carrier website. The number of calls and texts were extreme and were deliberately deleted and hid. We have moved and she has been doing the steps to R. Things are at a pretty good place although I do trigger sometimes.

I still check the phone and text logs on the website just to verify and have not found any contact(I doubt she would use that method anyway since that's how I discovered and she knows I have access). However I decided to go backwards and check what was happening before the EA. I never really looked in that direction just because I was so focused on the OM. I discovered an out-of state number that called and texted a fair amount from Oct. 2010 to May 2011. Nowhere near what she and OM did but enough to make me curious and to be honest, suspicious. Her EA with OM started in July 2011.

The number is no longer in her cell. It looks like maybe someone she met at a work conference as the time of the first texts seem to be right around when she went to a conference. However the calls and texts seem to be on weekends when they would not be talking work. Spokeo gave me a guy's name but the number is no longer active.

Any suggestions on the best way to approach my wife on this? Our R has been going pretty well so I hate to accuse or bring up something that may be nothing. But I do admit my trust level is low after having been lied to so often last summer. I don't have any hard proof as to the content of the texts and they weren't massive in comparison to the OM. I guess my fear is a pattern that I just didn't notice until OM.

keko

Did she had the same phone at that time? If she did can you pull the backup's from the computer?

the guy

Its my experience that adultory is a behavior pattern, once the step is taken to cheat then each additional time it gets easier. Its addicting.

Have you had the talk "tell me everything and if I find more I'm done" talk? If you haven't then this may be a good time. If you have are you ready to let her go?

This may be a good chance to get this monkey off her back and clean the air. Now would be a good time to confront her 2nd life once and for all.

Holding it in won't help you heal, confront and except her story. It may be an oppertunity for her to own her crap and heal her self also.

Everything realy needs to be on the table, no more secrets you both need to heal and truely face this head on.

Approach her with this mind set.

Its so easy to relaps if it just gets sweep under the rug IMHO

skip76

It sounds like you have not taken the proper steps to completely heal. Tell her this and that some things are lingering that you need cleared up in order to move forward. She should be happy to help you heal if she is remorseful. I would be most interested in the possibility of this being a PA. i say that because with this being a neighbor i find it highly unlikely that she loved him but did not sleep with him. Did you cross check with his wife, etc. Options are a polygraph test or tell her you recently got new info from somewhere or someone and if she does not come clean on her own then it is over. Do not give up any info, especially snce you have none. No more fooling around, she must know you mean business.

In The Dark

She did have the same phone. It has been backed up a few times since then. I'm not that computer savvy but have learned to backup the phone and be able to see texts from the last backup but I don't know how to get texts from over a year ago. I would love to have all of that if possible so if someone knows how to get those texts, please let me know. You may have to keep it simple since I'm no IT expert.

brokenbloke

Just take the computer to an IT specialist. Unless you're broke, this shouldn't cost too much at all or take up too much time.

keko

Which phone is it?

In The Dark

This sounds like good advice. I had the "tell me everything" talk but never put the "and if I find anything else I'm gone" phrase in the conversation. I freely admit I did not handle D-day great and really wish I had found this site sooner.

In The Dark

I feel fairly confident that it did not go PA with the neighbor. I don't think they ever exchanged I love you's. I think they just sent extremely flirty messages and became each other's confidant. Would spend hours talking on the phone and texting(all hidden from me). I got lucky in stumbling upon one text early on and I think that may have put them on edge about pushing it much further than infatuation.

She has taken steps to help me heal but this is new information and I don't really know what it is. I'd hate to disrupt our progress if this is nothing but would also hate to know that my wife could do this more than once.

In The Dark

iphone 3

so is the info already downloaded on the computer? If so, what do I tell the computer guys to look for? Again, I'm not computer savvy so excuse the elementary questions.

Almostrecovered

Pc or Mac and which OS?

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the guy

Dark,

You would hate to know period, but you know its a possiblity. You know your wife does not act like you are always next to her and her lack of boundries.

Address it and get it out in the open, open up this can of worms and adress the behavior thats causing this.


Again its her choice to answer truthfully.

Do not go on thinking that it was just a one time PA, rug sweping is a bad choice. I did it for 13 years and the behaviors my wife had just snowballed.

Please find out what you a forgiving her for, and see exactly what you are dealing with and address the protential for your WW to repeat years from now.It may be 5 years from now it maybe next year.

Unlike me, you have a chance to adress this and get a handle on your wife's unhealthy issues and lack of boundries.

warlock07

Neighbor huh? Ypu mean someone who lives close. Ok. I am pretty sure that it went physical. How are you sure that it was just a EA ? because she told you?


Also how tech savvy is she? You can bluff her out for some information if her knowledge of computers is limited

In The Dark

It is a PC, Vista

Almostrecovered

Unfortunately I'm on
My phone right now but if you search thru my posts you can find the directory

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