blueskies30

All of a sudden out of the blue my Husband points out while we are driving where OW used to live. Then he starts talking about her. This all opened up more communication that I had never heard before. He talked about what they talked about both before and after my husband broke it off with her.

The OW asked about me frequently about wether he would ever go back to me. My h said he told her he didn't know, that he didn't know the future. He said she asked this several times.

He also said after he broke it off she kept saying she didn't understand why he was going back with me. He said he told her that he can't forget 12 years of being with someone and he didn't want to start something new and unknown.

I did ask minimal questions about her. He was talking bad about her which is good. I think he should think bad about her since she kept pursuing him through me by following my FB, hacking my FB and messaging me telling me so much info both true and false that makes it even harder to reconcile.

So he was talking about how her and her now x Husband built a half million dollar home. That she's really a ritsy kind of girl. I asked if she was still like that and he said she well she is living in a high price new condo. I said she was only after his money. He said what money? I said well did you talk about all the jobs your gonba work on? How much per hour you make? Etc etc etc?? He said yes about all that.

I guess she also asked h what kind of dog he would want ( I'm assuming she was dreaming of having a family with him) so that question opened up that I was a dog breeder and how he hoped that I would give him at least 1 toy rat terrier.

He did ask me about that back during seperation. Had I known there was another woman that would care for the dog I would have said hell no. In realty I had already found homes for the dogs because I was in deep depression and needed to focus on our 3 children.

So I guess it's good that my Husband opened up about her on his own, but it's causing me to think about him snd her together. I'm having an anxiety attack and feeling again like this info is new. I'm trying to pull the good out of this.

Anyone else have thier spouse all of a sudden talking openly about thier affair partner without you asking? If so what did you feel and what were your reactions?
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the guy

Ya I have, I just listened and made very few and randum comments. I personally didn't want to be judgemantal and shut this line of communication.

Its hard to hear but at least my fWW is telling me and not some other guy.

canttrustu

How long has it been since the A ended and you found out?

blueskies30

I found out a bit about her in November during the time my Husband and I really started on the communication to reconcile. He admitted his affair around the second werk of December 2011, right before he told me he had slept with her, he had come home for a visit but also to get paperwork for his lawyer. He was sure I would want a divorce after knowing his betrayal. He told me he ended it with her in early November. I do believe him that he did end it with her. I only became suspicious in early November when she posted on his FB page that she missed him and hoped to see him again soon.

I now know even more that she was trying to cause trouble with me and hi
By posting that because my Husband talked about me during the affair and left her to be with me. In December before he admitted his affair I had messaged her in November right after her FB post. She didn't respond to me until she knew I was spending the night with him at his parents. She said she knew I was there. Pretty spiteful of her to message me on his birthday
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canuckprincess

Are you sure he actually ended it with the ow?
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blueskies30

Yes I'm sure. He is with me at all times. He's taken time off work ( job attached). We just got back from our reconsilstion cruise.

Now we are getting ready to move out of state.

I've had access to his phone. He does not lock his phone and I'm on the cell account. I can set up an online account with our carrier so I can see every number he calls or texts. He's told me the password in case I need to call, so it's the same to set it up on line.

I think my Husband must be feeling comfortable enough to talk about her and what she said about me. I have told him what OW has said about him in her messages. I've blocked her, but I still have all her messages. She said a lot of bad things about him. I never tell him too much at once.
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canttrustu

Im not sure I could listen to too much of that. IMO, IF and WHEN you are ready to discuss HER then he should answer the questions not be volunteering information about her. To me that says she is still on his mind....Pay attention.

THis should go at YOUR pace.

CandieGirl

Were you living apart at the time of his affair? Sounds like it...

blueskies30

It's really hard. I'm trying to take the positive out of it. Like maybe he's trying to let his guilt go. We are moving out of state soon. Everything inside of me is stirred up though. I had things stirring before snd now it's all stirred up. Now I know he was talking about me with her. About what I did for a hobby and business. I know at the same time he was with her he was constantly emailing me. He wanted 1 of the dogs. At the time I felt like he was wanting 1of the dogs to try to keep me forever. I was still angry and bitter at everything that happened and everything I thought he was thinking about me.
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daisygirl 41

Yes aftert H ended his A and I decided I wanted to R with him he opened up a lot and told me a lot of stuff about her. Sometimes it's in conversation and sometimes he just comes out with it. It hurts sometimes but I just let him talk. I think it's a good thing. At first he didn't say anything bad about her but this last couple of days he's told me he hates her!! I suppose that his anger regarding the situation. I don't know. Anyway I'm ok with it but I have told him I do not want to know about anything sexual (he only slept with her twice) and if I do ever want to know then I will ask. To be honest I've found the emotional side of the A more difficult to deal with than the sexual side. Don't know if that's normal or not
DG
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Beowulf

blueskies,

I know it may hurt you to hear details about the OW but may I suggest that your husband talking about her is his way of outwardly and verbally expelling his thoughts about her and detaching from her? Maybe this is his way of moving on? At least that is the first thought I had when reading your post.

canttrustu

I agree to some extent Beo but perhaps he should consider rather or not his W wants to hear it or not. Afterall, the A itself was ALL about him the R should include her....

blueskies30

Thanks for sharing daisy girl! I asked my husband some time ago if he hated her and he said "no, I don't hate her I have no reason too." It would give me comfort if he actually told me he hated her. To me I think he has reason to hate her. If it wasn't for her not letting him go I would never have known things I do know unless he told me. First she put on his FB wall about how she missed him and hoped to see him soon. Then on his birthday which was a month after she posted on his FB, she messaged me very very hurtful things. My Husbsnd and I were trying to reconcile snd were spending a lot of time together.
Then in on valentines day she text him. He didn't tell me until a few days later when I told him she messaged me. She had told me some truth that he had hidden from me. I took that truth to him snd he confessed that it was true what she said. So she kept messaging me more snd more hurtful things. I didn't tell him everything. I've told him things she said about him slowly as it comes up. He seems to be getting more of a dislike for her as things come out about the horrible things she has said about him.

I do hope he Hates her now, but he hasn't said those words to me yet. She has also recently stalked my FB following him through me. She messaged me atig to know how things were going. Trying to be friends it seems. I didn't message her back. A few hours after that I was on FB on my phone and my green dot came on meaning that someone had accessed my FB and was on it at the same time I was.
Now with all this new stuff I would think its enough to hate her.

My Husbsnd told me he had sex with her on e and it was protected. I found out that was a lie. He's had sex with her so many times that he can't tell me a number or he doesn't want too and it was unprotected.
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canttrustu

So there is no NC letter/agreement? Why is she not blocked from his phone and your FB????? WTF????

Beowulf

Oh I agree completely. He should refrain from talking about her if it trigger blueskies. But I was just making an observation that this might be his way of purging her. After all, if he was still seeing her or even interested in seeing her he certainly wouldn't disclose things to his wife. They should talk and blueskies should tell him that it triggers her to hear about the OW.