This is exactly what I need help with today. I asked him last night why the kids and I are worth fighting for and protecting now, when he showed utter disregard for our feelings and safety before. I asked him why he told her he loved her...he said it was just in response to her saying it and he didnt love her, but it hurts me to think he said it to another woman. How can he have loved me and say it to someone else? How can he have such disrespect for me that he had sex with prostitutes from the Phillippines, Thailand and Indonesia (where the rate of HIV is shocking). How can he love his kids and risk them losing their Mum? For me love does not kick in and out as you choose to fit your need at the time. He says he always loved me and never wanted to hurt me. He shared a year of our marriage with someone else...how do you get that back? Does he love me now because he got found out and realised what he had to lose??? You cannot tell me that he did not consider us for one minute before...or am I wrong? I told him that love does not hurt. I told him that I was all the things he says I am now, but it still didnt stop him. I am so sad.
The reason you are sad is that you are faced with the very tough choice that every spouse in R has to make.
You can either move forward and recommit to marriage with a person who cheated, lied, and risked the well being of innocent people. You will never entirely trust them--or trust them in the way you did before--again.
Or, you decide that you cannot live life that way. That no matter how much you care for this person, that the core of a marriage is trust, and that you cannot recover it because THEY destroyed it in you.
Another thing you must take a hard look at is that your husband qualifies as a serial cheater (having betrayed you with multiple people) and he also, if I understand correctly, entered into two different types of betrayals--anonymous sex with prostitutes, as well as a longer-term relationship with (at least from her side) an emotional component.
Are you in counseling (for yourself) and for your marriage? What do the counselors make of this? I highly recommend you seek specialized counseling, with someone who is trained in addictive / escapist / infidelity behaviors. While healthy 'normal' people can have an affair, and compartmentalize their love for the spouse and their infatuation with the AP, other people have serious personality disorders that cross the line into such profound selfishness as to be in their own special category. Knowing whether your spouse falls into one or the other box can give you better knowledge on whether / how to proceed.
But in the end, YOU are the one who has to decide whether you can live with this person, and whether they are a healthy living example for your children. Your kids should not see you in a marriage with someone who has massive disrespect for other human beings--it teaches them that this is who they should have as a life partner, and surely that is the last thing you would want for them. No one has a crystal ball to say whether your husband has moved past this terrible stage in life, or whether he is simply incapable of pulling it back together and becoming an adult.