Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
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Originally Posted by oaksthorne
Maybe you can site chemistry as a reason for an A, but there is a lot more to it. I have as much chemistry as anyone else, but I also have principals that prevent me from making all the dishonest and disloyal choices required to carry on an A. I think of that as love. Real love is guided by principal and commitment. While I was forgiving and minimizing my H's faults because of principled love for him, he was magnifying my faults to justify his A. I don't want the kind of "love " that will allow a person to do this to another. He can't understand that, no surprise there !
While I agree that affairs are not black and white, your response demonstrates an unrealistic understanding of how the interplay of biology and marital, individual, and societal vulnerabilities can create a perfect storm with respect to affairs then.
There are plenty of 'principled' folk in this forum who will tell you that affairs start insidiously, to even the most happiest of marriages, and never thought for a second that their (or their spouses) firm boundaries could be breached.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
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Originally Posted by naperken
While I agree that affairs are not black and white, your response demonstrates an unrealistic understanding of how the interplay of biology and marital, individual, and societal vulnerabilities can create a perfect storm with respect to affairs then.
There are plenty of 'principled' folk in this forum who will tell you that affairs start insidiously, to even the most happiest of marriages, and never thought for a second that their (or their spouses) firm boundaries could be breached.
which begs the question why bother with marriage???
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by naperken
There are plenty of 'principled' folk in this forum who will tell you that affairs start insidiously, to even the most happiest of marriages, and never thought for a second that their (or their spouses) firm boundaries could be breached.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
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Originally Posted by canttrustu
which begs the question why bother with marriage???
What does marriage have to do with it? There are plenty of folk out there who aren't married but vowed exclusivity, only to be betrayed by their partner. It happens, people screw up.
If you're risk adverse, can't handle the concept that human beings are fallible and that "rational and kind people will do illogical and horrible things to the people that love them the most in the world", then maybe relationships aren't for you.
Me? I'm still willing to put myself out there, have some faith in the overall goodness of people, and take a risk.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by naperken
What does marriage have to do with it? There are plenty of folk out there who aren't married but vowed exclusivity, only to be betrayed by their partner. It happens, people screw up.
If you're risk adverse, can't handle the concept that human beings are fallible and that "rational and kind people will do illogical and horrible things to the people that love them the most in the world", then maybe relationships aren't for you.
Me? I'm still willing to put myself out there, have some faith in the overall goodness of people, and take a risk.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
I'm trying to process all these opinions. I agree with some and disagree with others. I just can't wrap my head around it. All I know, nothing has ever hurt with this intensity before. I've been betrayed by friends, had words with family members, been "thrown under the bus" by co-workers. This is the topper. It's devastating and debilitating. So if you haven't cheated, and ever think about, please think twice. Do the honorable thing and walk away. Don't hurt someone like this. Being "cheated on" changes a person forever. I will never be the same.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
In the vast,vast majority of cases this is not true. It's not even logical to suggest otherwise. Infidelity is the ultimate act of betrayal, and like other posters have said, the pain inflicted and its intensity is incomparable. To say you truly love your spouse after doing that them is not only disingenuous but ridiculous too. How can you be in love with your spouse if you devote so much emotionally, physically even financially to a third party. Clearly one has a leg up on the other.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
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Originally Posted by hurtingbadly
I agree with K.K., too. This is the worst pain I've ever experienced. I doubt I'll ever be the same person again. A part of me was robbed.
I dont know if I will be the same ever. Its doubtful. But I have doubt that I will ever view him the same way. I will continue to love him and Im hoping I will regain respect for him but I dont know that it will ever run as deep as it once did. Maybe thats for the best though because this has effected me way WAY more and in ways that I didnt realize it would. So I think Im saying maybe I gave him too much of me. Now I will hold some part of me so that he cant ever cut me so deeply again.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by canttrustu
I dont know if I will be the same ever. Its doubtful. But I have doubt that I will ever view him the same way. I will continue to love him and Im hoping I will regain respect for him but I dont know that it will ever run as deep as it once did. Maybe thats for the best though because this has effected me way WAY more and in ways that I didnt realize it would. So I think Im saying maybe I gave him too much of me. Now I will hold some part of me so that he cant ever cut me so deeply again.
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you?
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Originally Posted by morituri
Frankly I don't see how you can put up living with that kind of woman and still keep your sanity.
You can't!
I've moved out to an apartment near my job and we're working on selling the house.
Formally parting is after that.
It has been a very difficult process and has taken far too long for both finding out just what I was up against, processing my choices and ending this travesty of a marriage.
Many things have intruded. My son's health, job crises, and so on.
This is my year to act. I got a great job after a long time being benched. The apartment was a big step too.
72Likes
Re: Can your spouse truly love you but still cheat on you? 
