Though I understand, to a point, her reason for cutting out sex, it should not be a unilateral decision otherwise it may very well backfire on her. A sexual moratorium like the one described in Dr Robert Glover's book No More Mr Nice Guy (download a free copy of it) may be what you need so READ IT
There is no emotion involved with it right now. It's just so I can feel something again that feels good.
FTR, for many women, this is not true. You need to understand that, for most women, they have to have an emotional connection BEFORE they do it. So if there isn't a connection right now, her saying that she won't do it just for the sake of doing it is actually an admirable trait.
FTR, for many women, this is not true. You need to understand that, for most women, they have to have an emotional connection BEFORE they do it. So if there isn't a connection right now, her saying that she won't do it just for the sake of doing it is actually an admirable trait.
I agree.
I think the crux of the issue is that sex is such a profound way for a husband to express his love for his wife.
Her saying this is simply the typical wife's way of not understanding this. If she KNEW this she'd be begging for sex because she'd realize that sex is a powerful way to strengthen the marriage bond.
As the wife in R, I do know this and have internalized it. So in the beginning I was making the point of having sex with my husband as much as possible. Now we're starting to achieve a balance where we're both doing the asking and conscious that it needs to happen 2 or 3 times or more per week.
On the other hand, Martinique, unlike his wife, knows this to his core. And he knows they should be having sex to strengthen the marriage, but he has just enough disinclination to R that he isn't pushing it.
So my suggestion is to sit down and explain this to her. That sex is not about getting off. That it is a way of expressing love to her. And that the longer you go without sex the weaker your mutual bond becomes. That it isn't about release, it's about showing her true love in the most intimate way you know how. And that through sex she will bond more strongly to you as well.
No matter what your sexual situation is, it can be a powerful learning experience. Most guys initially resist the idea, but once they make the decision to do it, they find it to be a very positive experience. A sexual moratorium can have many benefits:
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Helps break dysfunction cycles.
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Eliminates pursuing and distancing.
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Releases resentment.
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Allows the Nice Guy to see that he can live without sex.
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Helps the Nice Guy realize that no one else but him holds the key to his sexual experience.
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Helps the Nice Guy see how he settles for bad sex.
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Eliminates fear that the Nice Guy's partner can withhold sex or approval.
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Helps the Nice Guy pay attention to the meaning of sexual impulses. Whenever the Nice Guy feels the impulse to be sexual, he can automatically ask himself, "Why am I feeling sexual?"
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Helps break addictive patterns by eliminating compulsive masturbation, pornography, and other addictive behaviors.
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Helps the Nice Guy begin to address feelings he has been avoiding with sex.
Of course not. So that he and she can start having real discussions about what a man and a woman should be able to want and expect out of a marriage. If you can't tell your spouse such things, you shouldn't be married.
I just downloaded NMMNG and I have strated reading it. I'll need to buy MMSL when I'm not broke and read that as well.
One thing I forgot was that last night I had a dream that I had started over with a new woman no one specific just not my wife. There was no sex involved in the dream. Just the normal stuff that couples do. I remember we were walking through Home Depot (don't laugh) and somehow we got seperated and when I turned a corner to go down an isle I seen her and there was butterflies. The feeling was so strong that it woke me up. I just want to feel those butterflies again so bad...instead of shame
From what I get from her, she is denying sex because she feels like a ***** with the way I treat her. She basically says if she wants to heal and be able to have respect for herself, she cant do that with the way I say it's not making love right now it's just sex. I haven't felt the same when we have had sex. There is no emotion involved with it right now. It's just so I can feel something again that feels good.
I'm worried that what morituri said will hold true. I will start to desire her less and less until there is nothing. I can already feel it happening. Especially now that she has stopped going to the gym. She has been gaining weight at a rapid pace while I have been getting into the best shape I have been in a long time. It hurts so bad to think that now that her affair is over that she doesn't feel the need to keep up her apperance for me. That would have been a sign to me that she was trying but now it's like I just get whats left over. A broken woman.
We have gone down this road before. We get into a huge fight over something and the other person vows to change and it lasts for a few weeks to a month and then things slowly go back to where they were. I feel like we are in the honymoon stage of her R and it will eventually go back to old habits again.
She's trying to have your forgiveness without trying at all.
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
You should google infidelity statistics. It is eye opening if somewhat contradictory.
Chapparal, I hear you. I think studies can be done to prove anything. I guess I got a bit sick of seeing sites that claim high success rates in R. You know the ones's. Woman says "my husbands affair has made our marriage stronger". Buy our DVD/book and we will show you how.
Research results are all over the place. A few books by Michelle Langley, focusing on men in particular, as BS's, showed that men especially often regret the decision to R. I don't know
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Re: Just found out my wife cheated 
