Husband has a crush on someone else
I've bee married for 17 years with 3kids. Twelve months ago my family and I moved to another city for a career change which involves both my husband and I going back to study at uni full time for a few years first. Anyway, about 6 months ago my hubby started being friendly with a female who started off being a study mate which quickly turned into a boozy group with 2 other men. I began to be suspicious about her as she is ten years younger than the 3 married men in the group. She is single, pretty, slim, and clever as well (the package!!) she's had several boyfriends in not much time at all I think she is very demanding etc as she can't seem to keep a boyfriend for long. Anyway, I became suspicious that my husband was developing feelings for her and perhaps through my jealousy, I started checking his emails etc. the four of them constantly email each other and go out to the pub and catch up for lunch etc. one day while checking the computer internet history I discovered that he was constantly checking her face book page and had also worked out her star sign from her birthday and was constantly checking her horoscope. I kept this to myself for many months which depressed me greatly and to the point that I am now on anti depressant medication and seeing a counsellor. However, so far this has only helped a little. I eventually told him that I knew about it. At first he denied it, then eventually admitted it. He was angry with me that I was checking the computer history etc and said that I shouldnt have said anything but should have just trusted him that he is dealing with it. But if he was dealing with it why was the checking on her getting more frequent? Anyway, now I find myself checking his email all the time, and I find emails that he doesn't tell me about. I've told him a few times that he needs to be honest and open with me, but he is still not telling me about many of the emails and what the four of them have planned etc, and I've noticed that he is replying to her emails but then deletes them straight away. I feel is is still being dishonest and hiding things from me. I've told him that I don't check his email, so he doesn't know that I do. I can't just bring it up that he's hiding stuff from me coz then he'll know that I've been checking them. I find myself compulsively checking it. I don't know what to do. His crush is one sided, that is, I'm pretty sure she is not interested, but she is one of those girls who gets off on flirting with men, particularly married ones (the other 2 in the group are also married). I'm trying to concentrate on myself by going to the gym etc, but i find I am obsessing with his life and turning into a control freak, how can I let this go? I trust him that he won't have an affair, but the fact that he's got a crush on someone else really affects me. It has knocked my self esteem immensely and I feel like he's sort of betrayed me. I often feel like I'm not good enough and that I'm not the one he wants. He tells me he loves me and wants me, but I just can't bring myself to be convinced. Sorry this post is so long, thanks for your time in reading it!
Posted via Mobile Device