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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-23-2012, 07:54 AM   #31 (permalink)
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He's gay? Yeah right. That's why she's inviting him to watch her master bate and also sexting him. If she didn't cheat on you with him physically, I would be very surprised.

Is he married? If so, you need to tell his wife (w/o your wife knowing beforehand).

Check it out--it's not up to her--the ball is in your court. So when she threatens she is going to leave you tell her "That is your choice but I can tell you I will not be played in my own marriage. You cheated and you know it. I do not want to be with someone who isn't committed to me."
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:26 AM   #32 (permalink)
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1. Get tested for STD's
2. Get the best lawyer you can find.
Your wife is a real piece of work getting passed around at her office. There is no way you could ever feel proud and special that she is your wife. She is only sorry that she got caught. She considered you a fool and clearly had no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:28 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
He's gay? Yeah right. That's why she's inviting him to watch her master bate and also sexting him. If she didn't cheat on you with him physically, I would be very surprised.

Is he married? If so, you need to tell his wife (w/o your wife knowing beforehand).

Check it out--it's not up to her--the ball is in your court. So when she threatens she is going to leave you tell her "That is your choice but I can tell you I will not be played in my own marriage. You cheated and you know it. I do not want to be with someone who isn't committed to me."
Did you not read his recent posts? He found she was cheating with 2 guys including the gay one. he exposed her to the family
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Old 04-23-2012, 09:51 AM   #34 (permalink)
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C34

Breathe. Exhale. Breathe. Exhale.

Now you know the truth and you probably feel you do not even know the woman You are married too. That lying cheating wayward wife has really blindsided you.

All I can tell you is do not make any decisions in haste or while you are emotional.

Do not go to HR because if you two do D she will need her job. I totally agree with you on this.

Make sure you have an attorney that protects you and your kids. Now that your wife has admitted multiple sex partners there is a good chance there are more than these two.

Go get tested for stds and make her get tested too. No sex with her period until you know what path you are taking with her.

Get control of the money. Good job outing her actions to her family.

Take care of you for your children's sake as well as your own.

Good Luck and keep posting. I am sorry you have found the horrible truth but at least you now know and can deal with the future being informed of her crappy behavior.

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Old 04-23-2012, 10:23 AM   #35 (permalink)
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I sent messages to both men on Facebook and told them how they ruined my marriage. My wife was upset with this and asked me if I sent the message to both men at the same time and I was puzzled at why she was asking this and then it dawned on me that even though the men know each other they have no idea that the other is having sex with her. So I sent another message to each of them letting them know that she is having sex with the other. She was so embarrassed that she wanted to immediately text them to apolagize. This tells me that she really has not ended anything. I told her that I would go to a therapist (hopefully today) for the sake of the kids but we are really too far gone to salvage anything.

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No point in confronting the men and jeopordizing your wife's job. They are both single, the blame falls squarely on your wife, not them. What are your wife's consequences?? this is something you avoid in this discussion.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:28 AM   #36 (permalink)
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She says that she wants to salvage the marriage and that she has cut off all contact with them. I don't believe anything she says at this point.


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Lord I can't believe this. I didn't think this was going to be this bad. What is she saying/doing? She has to know this has destroyed her family. Does she care?

Get yourself to the doctor for some meds and a lawyer. Give yourself some time off and take care of yourself.

Good luck and prayers for your family
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:29 AM   #37 (permalink)
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C34
Good for you. They both needed to know. No time like the present to kill two birds with one stone.

I hope you reminded them to get tested for std's.

And you are right that if your wife wanted to text them apologies that shows you where head is right now and her response shows her head is squarely up her butt.

Go see that attorney and lock up the funds.

Sorry you are going through this. Stay tough on her and clean house.

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Old 04-23-2012, 10:31 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Both are single and are friends with each other. They were passing my wife around the office. I want to go to her office tomorrow and confront the guy that still works there but I'm sure I will get my wife fired and she will need her job in order to take care of my kids.
well you do realize that she has to quit her job if you expect to R?

there's no way you can have R while she can have contact without you knowing it
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:31 AM   #39 (permalink)
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She says that she wants to salvage the marriage and that she has cut off all contact with them. I don't believe anything she says at this point.
But her first reaction was to apologize to them? I'm glad you were able to see that knee-jerk reaction live and in person.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:31 AM   #40 (permalink)
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She was so embarrassed that she wanted to immediately text them to apolagize.
Just out of curiosity is she embarrassed about the way she has treated you? Has she apologized to you, or is she more concerned about the OM?
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:31 AM   #41 (permalink)
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She wants to salvage her life style. Get tested for STD's. Get the best lawyer. If the roles were reversed she would be talking to a lawyer already. What a piece of work she is.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:34 AM   #42 (permalink)
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She is an emotional roller coaster! She would get angry then depressed then everything would be great. Over the years I just accepted this as normal as did the kids. I think she is defiantly sorry that she got caught. She lost me, my son (i told him everything, he is 19) and her family. My 13 year old daughter is the only one that doesn't know the truth.

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Confused34, I am so very sorry. I know this has knocked you flat with shock.

You need to get tested for STDs, like yesterday. A dr. as chap says can help with antidepressants, you will need them because this is a long-haul situation no matter which path you take.

Serial, casual cheating for a woman is serious. Most women (studies show) need to feel in love with a man to give him sex. They decouple from their spouse and bond with a new man. The fact that it was with more than one man indicates that she does have some major problems.

Can you share with us--BEFORE you found out about this--was she super self-confident and put you down? Did she think the world revolves around her? Or was she needy and had self-esteem issues? Either way, brace yourself for someone who is broken and may not be able to be fixed. She's got a very long road before she can prove herself to be worthy of you once again, be very careful, she may only be sorry she got caught.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:37 AM   #43 (permalink)
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WTF,she wanted to text them to apologize? She shows no remorse for what she's done to you by adding insult to injury.Must show you where you and your M rank in her priorities.Don't let her sway you,as she needs to suffer some consequences if you want to take control of the situation.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:39 AM   #44 (permalink)
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all signs point to her not doing the work for R, plus add the fact she's a serial cheater. You're best off filing imo
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:39 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Yet another example of it doesn't matter how old you are, how long you've been married, how old the children are: Some people are never too old to cheat. Having PAs with two guys at the same time?

She's nowhere near ready for R....IF that's what you want. I'm not seeing anything that indicates remorse, only guilt for getting caught. All it looks like she wants to do is rugsweep. Heck, she's still trying to protect both OM.

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