I have been married for 20 years and have two children. Last Friday night I was in the living room and when I went to the bedroom I noticed that my wife had fallen asleep listening to music on her phone. I turned off the music on her phone and noticed a text message from Tim, I opened the message and I was devastated, my heart sunk into my stomach and I felt like vomiting. They were calling each other babe and she said that she was touching herself and asked him if he would like to join and they were also speaking about running at the park in the mornings. I also read an email where he was calling her beautiful and was asking her what time she was getting off work and that he was stopping at the store to pick up food. I woke her after reading the message and confronted her, she said that she was sorry and that he was gay and they were just friends. I left the house in a rage and ruturned awhile later. (I found out a few days later that as soon as I left the house she sent him a text.) When I returned she said that nothing sexual was going on and that she has never been to his house, she said that they meet up at the park to run and that he is her gay friend. I asked her how many other messages there were and she said that they didn't communicate that often. I went online and got her phone and text records a few days later and found out that they were calling each other multiple times a day and texting at each other as late as 3 in the morning. While I was sleeping! She was texting him while we were on vacation and she would call him on the weekends when we were together. She said that there were other sex messages but she would not be specific.
She lied about the number of calls and messages
She texted the guy when I left the house in a rage
She went running with this guy without my knowledge
She was sexting with him
I texted him and asked him what was going on and he said nothing was going on and that he was gay. This was after my wife had contacted him.
I told her that I have software that can undelete all text messages on her IPhone and that I wanted to read all of the old messages. She was angry by this request and said that if I do that she would leave. I told her that if they were only friends that she should have nothing to hide. She said that she didn't want to hurt me furthur by reading the other messages.
She said that she contacted him and told him that they could no longer be friends. She says that she is sorry and that it will never happen again.
I can't trust her anymore, I want to know what was on those messages and what was on the message that she sent him when I left the house. I love her but I am sad, angry, depressed and I feel betrayed.
She would like us to put this in the past but I can't rest without knowing more.
She is so lying and you know it. She would rather leave than have you read the message since they will hurt you? This tells you all you need to know. If he is gay that why is she pleasing herself thinking of him and asking him to join her. You would be an absolute fool to believe this.
Get the message and you will probably see that this affair has already gone physical. She has no respect for you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
By the way if the roles were reversed and she found out that you were masturbating to your lesbian friend and asking her to join you I wonder how she would be acting? She is in damage control right now.
1. Read those message and/or demand a polygraph
2. Insist on STD testing.
3. See a lawyer to understand your options.
She is again in damage control and playing you for a fool. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Good luck.
Don't believe it. She is betraying your marriage. She will do anything to keep you from seeing those messages because she knows they are divorce-worthy.
Prepare yourself if you do it. Its gonna hurt like all get out. My H destroyed the hardware to keep me from finding out.
Settle down, you confronted early but I've been there and its inpossible not to.
With that said,let me remind you that this is an addiction and once you settle down things will pick up and you may be able to get more answers. She will even take it deeper underground and start using other forms to communicate other then the one you caught her with.
For now I suggest you back off and quitly investigate OM. In doing this you will beable to confirm his sexuality, second if he's married or has a boy/girl friend then you can expose this to them.
Once you you get the ball rolling ....hell even hire a PI if you can afford one and get as much as you can on this guy.....you will atleast have a better idea on what your dealing with.
The main point to all of this is you need to quitely continue to investigat since you will *never* get the truth form your WW.
Once you can get some more facts then you can make better choice;s and accurate disicion that are based on fact not lies.
Don't forget to plant a VAR and GPS, and look for prepaid cell.
With patience and strength you might beable to get more answers then what you have now.
So go stealth and give her enough rope she will reveal more, it will just take a few days.
I hope I'm wrong and she starts to show you some true remorse, but again this is very addictive behavior. Most likely she will refuse to stop all contact with her boyfriend.
The fact remains, until all contact stops with OM you are in a impossible situation and you must contiue to validate her recommitment and that there is infact no more contact...then and only then can *she* begian to fix this.
You know how to extract the messages right? Tell her that you need to know the complete truth. If she cannot do that, she can leave. Don't back down on that. She has already proven herself to be a liar. If she regularly syncs her phone to the PC it is even easier. Take her phone away if you have to. That phone is pretty much the only chance at truth you have. You will regret it if you won't
She lied about the number of calls and messages
She texted the guy when I left the house in a rage
She went running with this guy without my knowledge
She was sexting with him
You forgot two.
She lied when she told you that he was gay. (Gay guys do not sext with women)
She lied when she told you that she never went to his house. (He ask her when she was getting off work and told her that he was getting the food.)
All cheaters lie. All cheaters trickle truth where they admit only what you can prove. This does not mean that common sense does not apply. Add in the fact that she was willing to leave you rather than let you read her messages and you know that there is more that she is not telling you.
Look for the backup file on the PC she syncs with before you resync. Unless she backs up to a separate drive it could copy over the previous backup log, and you may lose the old/deleted texts. You have to read them (unless she is savvy and already deleted the backup log file). They will tell you what you need to know. Either he is gay and she's been throwing fantasy in his direction for fun - which is still WRONG and problematic to your marriage...or they're in an affair and the gay story is a coverup they agreed upon prior to being found out (they both said it right away...either because it's true or because they planned that as a contingency).
On a PC: ~/Library/Application Support/MobileSync/Backup
File to look for is: "3d0d7e5fb2ce288813306e4d4636395e047a3d28"
Copy to a separate place and then open it in Textpad (you can download it online for free)
Good luck man...she's probably lying. Don't tell her you actually are looking anymore. Until you find more. Posted via Mobile Device
You're married 20 years, you caught her sexting another man, and your wife of 20 years basically told you to MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. She won't show you what's in the text messages (you know the reason is that the texts will have info regarding them meeting up for sex, probably at his house).
She told you she was never at his house. If he was just her gay friend, why wouldn't she go to his house? There would be nothing wrong with it - and nothing wrong with her telling you about it.
If he were just her gay friend, she would have told you more about him and what type of relationship they have.
Does she have now, or has she ever had, another friend that she communicated so frequently with at all hours of the day and night while she was involved in activities with you and the kids?
You can gather more evidence if you want, but why bother? You already have way more than enough evidence. Tell your wife, "Wife, we've been married 20 years, had two kids together, shared life's ups and downs together, and you're telling me a story a 4-year-old wouldn't believe. You're cheating on me and you can't even tell me a good lie. After all we've been through, you can't at least just be honest with me. You've got 10 minutes to come clean or I'm filing for divorce. I will tell both our families all of the facts regarding the content of the texts and number and frequency of texts that we already know about, and let them come up with their own conclusions as to why we're getting divorced. Do you honestly believe anyone we know is going to believe that he is just your gay friend?"
You do not need any more evidence. 20 years. 2 kids. I understand the commitment you have to your family. You love your kids. You love your wife. Does she love you? If she did, would she continue to lie to you and let you go days and days in the pain you're in. And all you get from her is that she'd like to put this in the past.
Put an end to this pain now. Tell her to come clean or it's divorce.
I downloaded the data from her phone and I did not expect to find what I did. Not only was she having sex with one guy from work she was also having sex with a second guy from work. Just when I thought things could not be worse. At least I know the truth now and I can move on with my life. This really sucks.
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Need to vent 
