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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-23-2012, 01:02 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
Well, she is a ****tail waitress in vegas. Maybe she's moved up to "bottle hostess."
Yes, yes ... this. That would make perfect sense.
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:34 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

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Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
She won't have a reaction, because she won't be there.
What's the point of going there if she won't be there then?


He should to see her LIVE reaction.
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Old 04-23-2012, 02:46 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

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What's the point of going there if she won't be there then?


He should to see her LIVE reaction.
I think they are joking that she has a "gym" membership at someone's house or a motel. The OP hasn't taken any steps to find out where she is, just that she's gone for super long periods of time and says she's at the gym.
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Old 04-23-2012, 04:48 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

OP is going to ask to go to the gym, his WW will say no and give OP some lame excuss that he will except.

OP needs more time to except the unexceptable, only then will he confront with out proof, and WW will deny and OP will except this and month will go on before its so in his face that he will finaly take the steps to protect him self.

The writing is on the wall he just cant see through the forest.

Why do hot chicks seem to blind us guys?

BTW do even professional athelets work out this much?
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Old 04-23-2012, 04:56 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

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Why do hot chicks seem to blind us guys?
I don't think its about being hot or not. Most guys expect their partners to be just like them, honest/loyal. These expectations grow as the years go on and after a decade or two they miss the red flags of an affair.
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Old 04-23-2012, 05:33 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

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I don't think its about being hot or not. Most guys expect their partners to be just like them, honest/loyal. These expectations grow as the years go on and after a decade or two they miss the red flags of an affair.


That was exactly my case. Wife was in an EA with a person she met at the gym (Aerobics class). I knew something was wrong and had an uneasy feeling about this "friend". But I trusted her and could not even imagine her being unfaithful.

The point is, that if you have total trust and cannot imagine your spouse could ever cheat, you are not looking for the signs and don't recognize them for what they are.
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Old 04-23-2012, 07:41 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

R,

Do not ask her to spend more time with you.

Give her a halfhour lead and go to her gym. See if she is there or not.

Maybe give her an hour.

If she is there join the gym since you say you are heavy.

Do not ask, just do it.

When she says she needs her space tell her she gets that at work.

Lose the weight and see if she wakes up. If she is still acting suspicious then you need to sit her down and get the truth from her.

Work on you but do it with her. You do not need her permission.

HM64
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:09 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

Thanks to all of the advice. Like a map in all the chaos, rly helps.

I checked the phone records, lots of calls to the usual friends. Even the Toxic ones, but no unusual patterns. btw not a iphone.

Income is variable bc of tips, so hard to track that except for end of year tax stuff. Also it is 99% of time given as cash or added to bill and taken from drawer, again as cash. No way of nowing how much on her at any given time, but can be several hundred.

No gps in cars.

I hve also started checking her clothing for signs since i do the laundry. nothing yet.

I did check her bags though. No condoms or toys, but perhaps worse in that i found bc pills. She has used these before, but usually tells me when and we have not been very active lately due to my health. This feels like a kick in the groin.

I bought a recorder today after finding the pills and will put it in by morning in her car.

After last night dinner, we talked about her away from home so much, my health, her Toxifriends. She says not to worry, but surprised me by saying we will go to MC in two weeks or so, just needs to find a provider through work insurance. This caught me by total surprise bc she never got defensive or angry, just said the answers wil come where there is a third party to be there with us. This seems too easy, and she was too cool about it while i was a mess inside.

I also have to say she is a very striking beauty, so guys hitting on her anywhere and anytime is the norm. Dirty blond and shaped like a barbi doll will make guys bold.

Today i got called by one of her coworkers who found a young waitress to spy for us. She will ask about which gym, and spend the next several days finding out more. this seems the best way for now. the friend called bc my wife was flirting heavily with a group of guys-about 12 of them!-joking about buying her drinks or getting a room for her break time or after work. very much against policy and decided to bring in spy before contacting personell department to try and catch the whole Toxifrinds group if possible. my wife was all smiles the whole time and they were hugging and touching her.

Coworker says she feels for me and to prepare for possibly worst news possible during MC meeting. It hurts, but i feel the need to start gaining some distance

PS--sorry about the horrible typing, but i'm just not myself right now

Last edited by RGoldman; 04-23-2012 at 10:14 PM.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:32 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

You need to get things in order and seeking out an attorney to understand your options. It is pretty obvious that she is cheating on you.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:46 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

R,

If there are any surveilance store nearby try them for a GPS. Or you can very cheap ones on the internet with fast shipping.

Can you actually follow her to see which gym she is going to? Or somewhere else?

Also check her panties for semen, you can find test kits in stores or on internet.

Last edited by keko; 04-23-2012 at 10:51 PM.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:49 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

"She says not to worry, but surprised me by saying we will go to MC in two weeks or so, just needs to find a provider through work insurance. *This caught me by total surprise bc she never got defensive or angry, just said the answers wil come where there is a third party to be there with us"

I do not like the sound of this RG. What the Hell does she need 2 weeks for. Do not wait for her. Dig deep.

It sounds like she is making plans on her own.

Not good.
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Last edited by happyman64; 04-24-2012 at 08:21 AM.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:52 PM   #57 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

Also,

Absolutely no sex with her, "if" she is using bc then she is getting creampied. Get tested for STD's just incase.

Also ask your "spy" to take pictures/videos.
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Old 04-24-2012, 06:33 AM   #58 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

Are there numbers that only show up once or twice?

If you don't recognize the numbers, look them up on spokeo .com.
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Old 04-24-2012, 07:10 AM   #59 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should I be worried?

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Originally Posted by RGoldman View Post
I did check her bags though. No condoms or toys, but perhaps worse in that i found bc pills. She has used these before, but usually tells me when and we have not been very active lately due to my health. This feels like a kick in the groin.
I am so sorry.
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Old 04-24-2012, 07:20 AM   #60 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by RGoldman View Post
Been lurking for a few weeks. My gut says something is going on, and I think there are signs from other people. So here goes...

My wife of 10 years, and us mostly together in high school for another 4 dating before that, seems to have changed a few months ago. Some of the girls where she works got her a membership to a spa and gym thing for christmas. Please understand that she has to look hot bc she is a drink waitress in a major LV casino resort, so this isn't a big deal at face value. The better the girl looks and the friendlier she is, the bigger the tips, so it makes sense. What bothers me is that she works all day and then spends another thrre to four hours at this gym three or four days a week late at night. This has cut majorly into our time together, we have dinner then she is gone until around 11 or so.

I also work nearby and we used to lunch together a few times a week, but this also has changed as she now hangs with these new youngr friends, and we don't do as much together on days off anymore bc she is with these other girls most of the time now or "needs some space". Her job is a high turnover position, so a few of the girls have been with h er for the 8 years she has been working there, but most come and go. A couple of the long term girls at her work I know and are good friends with me, but my wife has distanced from them too starting last christmas. One of them is concerned bc of the chatter she overhears at work about the gym trainers being "totally hot" guys. She hasalso heard the these girls refer to me as Deadweight and Loser and a few other names. This friend has also learned none of these girls, about 8 of them, are married but they have boyfriends. The BFs also get trashed talked except for a few that are "cool" or "OK with it". My friend doens't hang around for details, but says she and another girl i know there are concerned about my wife joining in with this talk and this group.

I'm wondering what to do. Should I ask for more time togetheer? Should I be suspicious? Could this just be a crisis thing for her bc we're coming up on 30? I feel like i'll do damage if I'm wrong bc she hasn't been with anybody else since school before we married. Also, this is the first time she seems to be hiding something from me. Should I look into this more and see if I should be worried?
should you be suspicious?? YES, of course based on her recent needs on "wanting free time". What is your response to her needs to be alone? Also, by what her co-workers have informed about the hot trainers should also raise an eyebrow. Get some spyware and keep a close eye on her.
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