Holy 2 years ago Batman!
I know, I saw the title and got a bit nervous for Dig and you..
I was kind of hoping for answers to the jnj last questions, those are things I struggle with the most.. the 5 years, didn't he get boring too, what was so special about someone that'd help you disrespect your husband.. if not caught, how long do you think it would have gone on for, years? eternity?
I feel that when my wife was cheating, she thought she was the sh..t.. she figured she was all that and a bag of chips because she could keep her husband happy, had a marriage and all that, kids a house, and also had a lover, just like you read about in romance novels. Steamy romance, like that fifty shades of grey book only she was living it! She didn't realize people were looking at her thinking "what a tramp", she thought she was desirable and powerful and in charge of her life. Empowered by her affair and her lies.
It took a bit to point out to her that wasn't the case, and instead of being a desired woman she was just some other guys plaything.. he really desired his girlfriend at home more, or he'd have left her and put some real effort into being with my wife on more than just a quick roll for a few hours here and there. She probably felt the same about him.
At some point you would think reality would start to break the fog on it's own.. 5 years is a long time, and I know in my case I just figure it's like everything else that comes with affairs.. 5 is could be 7 or perhaps 10.. because even though I probably got more of the story than most BS get, I'm sure none of us ever get it all.. It remains watered down.
I'd also wonder if you ever realized the abuse your husband was taking, as you were manipulating and lying, did you ever stop and think how wrong it was, and what you were doing to him, or does the compartmentalization prevent those feelings from leaking in while with the AP?
I struggle with fights we had, and how arrogant and adamant she was that I was stupid for feeling what I was feeling and how it was all in my imagination and those types of fights.. fights over her wearing her wedding ring, not saying she loved me anymore, leaving the house without saying goodbye or a kiss.. the coldness. She was starting to be nice to me, and change as far as that went, probably because her affair was getting boring and she was staring to realize I wasn't so bad.. but she was still sneaking off with him.
Thanks if you can answer, I understand if you'd rather not go there.. it's been a long time. You've been so helpful to me, and Dig as well. I'm happy you two are doing good.
Done ranting.. sorry if my posts have been harsh as of late, I'm still struggling with rage phase.. week 3 or 4 or so..