My "Loving wife" is watching TV as I type this and Im shocked, stunned. I went on our laptop and opened the internet and it went on to the home page. I was looking for an item on ebay that I bought yesterday and was getting another one for my mate when in the history folder was a facebook message from a guy who my wife know....Her facebook page wasnt shut down so I clicked on and it read "cant wait for you to have you again in my bed" Im totally totally shocked, I read through the whole messsage thread.............basically they have been at it a yr, they met the day before we went away on holidays!!!!!!!!!!! Ive printed all the messages off as proof
How do I confront her about this,jesus my heart is beating out of my chest.
We have a pretty good relationship, doing normal things like meals, nights out etc both early 40's
Im broken
Yep, wait to confront. Rookie mistake to storm off and confront right away, they delete the evidence and take it underground and you're left none the wiser with way fewer options for detecting what's truly going on.
you need to think before acting and you need to learn from our experiences so you dont fall into the same traps we fall into
for starters read the newbie link in my signature
next find out what you can from OM- is he married also? If so you should send the proof to his wife or GF
next you should seek legal counsel to know your options
also get spy equipment up and running- in particular get a keylogger on the computer. Never reveal your sources.
when confronting be aware of gaslighting, trickle truth and blameshifting
When you confront your wife you should say something along the lines of this:
"Wife I know that you have been cheating on me. I honestly can't tell you if I will file for divorce or not. But as it stands right now, if I do not get the entire truth from you I will most certainly will file. After I hear what has transpired I will take the time to make a decision."
When you confront your wife you should say something along the lines of this:
"Wife I know that you have been cheating on me. I honestly can't tell you if I will file for divorce or not. But as it stands right now, if I do not get the entire truth from you I will most certainly will file. After I hear what has transpired I will take the time to make a decision."
I think you have all of the proof you need. She has been betraying you, humiliating you and disrespecting you and your marriage for a year. My suggestion would do the following:
1. Expose the affair to the OM's wife immediately.
2. Get tested for STD's.
3. See a lawyer to understand your options.
Your wife has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
First stay strong, we know you are in hell of emotions.Its time for your brain to work not your heart, then only you can come out of the hell you are living now ( i hope you can)
Dont confront her now, stay cool even if it kills you from inside, collect as much evidence as possible, else she will trickle truth and make you a demon, who forced her to have an affair.
cheaters never accept the affair as their choice, they want to shift the blame on you so that they can feel less guilty or save their face. Dont accept her BS blame, listen cheaters open their mouth to lie, lie and lie. Affair was her choice and she should own this crap.
Never ever beg her to stay, she is in an affair and screwing on your back means she don't have any respect for you or your marriage. so if you beg her she will loose the traces of respect left for you.
Play cool, even if its hard. Dont be so emotional, stay calm and deal with her without much emotions, this will be against her expectations and she will become terrified.
so wait and collect maximum evidences as possible and collect the informations regarding the OM.
Then get ready to expose the affair to all the concerned as soon as you confront her.
By the way, if the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be wondering how to confront you about this? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.
I am just wondering since this has gone on for a year if your wife thought even if she got caught you would forgive her anyway so she had nothing to lose. Did she ever bring him to your home? Expose and confront immediately. Good luck.
But if she trickle truths, then she doesn't really care. Him telling her to confess all is one thing. Him telling her he's "not sure" whether he will stay with her or not--no dice, IMO. Hard consequences are the only things that work with a cheater.
My advice for those finding out about the affair before their spouse knows that discovery has occurred is to put in place the necessary investigative tools.
Put a keylogger on the computer. That way, if the wife immediately creates a second email account for affair correspondence, he will know.
Put spyware on her cell phone. That way, he can read any texts or see any calls she makes even if she deletes the logs.
Put a voice-activated recorder in her car. That way, if she talks on her phone, or buys a pre-paid phone to use for the affair, he is privy to the content of the call.
At that point, he can confront. And I think the default situation is to move toward divorce. If reconciliation is offered immediately, then the consequences of the affair may be too light to discourage future betrayal. Reconciliation can always to agreed to if and when the disloyal spouse is asking for forgiveness.
Indeed. I hadn't intended to confront my wife immediately after learning of her PA. But, something being wrong was written all over my face when she came into the room. Posted via Mobile Device
Gather info, find the OM,and expose him first. Make the AP throw her under the bus, only when she is crushed should you confront, Posted via Mobile Device
I couldn't have waited. No way. The stress would have done me in.
I would just kick her ass out. Best thing I could have done when I found out was simply kick him out. I had all the evidence I needed when I read the emails. I knew what he was doing and didn't need to snoop any more. His ass was toast as far as I was concerned.
More research is needed, put a plan together once you educate your self.
You need to understand how to confront with confidence and having the strength to be ready to let her go.
If the other man is married then you must expose this to his wife or girl friend.
The point to all this is to have an effective confrontation that will get the OM out of the picture, until this happens your f*cked.
You have to plan and set up this plan to make this affair as uncomfortable and as inconvienent as possible to continue.
I hope he isn't having a panic attack or a big blow up, gosh-darnit!!! He could have said anything!!!!!!!! Take a shower, anything, he's probably confronting right now.
Even if OP jumps the gun and comes back with how his WW was "just joking" with OM and tells OP she'll NC, we can hopefully guide him thru the fake R he is for sure to get...especially after a LTA.
I have only been on this site a few months, and have little experience in 'trolls' (what exactly is a troll?) but does this man's thread seem real? The tone of it doesn't seem right or real to me.
troll=some one that either starts or replies to a thread with lies and starts ruckus. We are there entertainment.
I think most of the time trolls sign in to get a good kick out of how God awful my spelling is.
I personaly can't tell the difference between someone legit or a troll, but in my experience I have seen some off the wall stories, I would have thought Shammow's CWI thread was a fake but it wasn't. My point is, I give all poster the benifit of the doubt, and if its fake they just fade a way.
Often the vets will call them out and they either go away or stick around and give an explaination for the inconsistancies. Often you can see the inconsistancies of there story.
Maybe he's gun shy, hopefully he signs back in and sees folks are listening.
But who knows?
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