My "Loving wife" is watching TV as I type this and Im shocked, stunned. I went on our laptop and opened the internet and it went on to the home page. I was looking for an item on ebay that I bought yesterday and was getting another one for my mate when in the history folder was a facebook message from a guy who my wife know....Her facebook page wasnt shut down so I clicked on and it read "cant wait for you to have you again in my bed" Im totally totally shocked, I read through the whole messsage thread.............basically they have been at it a yr, they met the day before we went away on holidays!!!!!!!!!!! Ive printed all the messages off as proof
How do I confront her about this,jesus my heart is beating out of my chest.
We have a pretty good relationship, doing normal things like meals, nights out etc both early 40's
Im broken
Yep, wait to confront. Rookie mistake to storm off and confront right away, they delete the evidence and take it underground and you're left none the wiser with way fewer options for detecting what's truly going on.
you need to think before acting and you need to learn from our experiences so you dont fall into the same traps we fall into
for starters read the newbie link in my signature
next find out what you can from OM- is he married also? If so you should send the proof to his wife or GF
next you should seek legal counsel to know your options
also get spy equipment up and running- in particular get a keylogger on the computer. Never reveal your sources.
when confronting be aware of gaslighting, trickle truth and blameshifting
When you confront your wife you should say something along the lines of this:
"Wife I know that you have been cheating on me. I honestly can't tell you if I will file for divorce or not. But as it stands right now, if I do not get the entire truth from you I will most certainly will file. After I hear what has transpired I will take the time to make a decision."
Brew--do not confront yet at all. You need to get more info first.
Try to remain calm as best you can and definitely don't let her know that you know yet.
AR, I respectfully disagree with the bolded part (for when he's ready to confront):
Quote:
Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
When you confront your wife you should say something along the lines of this:
"Wife I know that you have been cheating on me. I honestly can't tell you if I will file for divorce or not. But as it stands right now, if I do not get the entire truth from you I will most certainly will file. After I hear what has transpired I will take the time to make a decision."
IMO, he should offer NO glimmer of hope of possibly reconciling. She has to feel the weight of her actions.
I think you have all of the proof you need. She has been betraying you, humiliating you and disrespecting you and your marriage for a year. My suggestion would do the following:
1. Expose the affair to the OM's wife immediately.
2. Get tested for STD's.
3. See a lawyer to understand your options.
Your wife has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
First stay strong, we know you are in hell of emotions.Its time for your brain to work not your heart, then only you can come out of the hell you are living now ( i hope you can)
Dont confront her now, stay cool even if it kills you from inside, collect as much evidence as possible, else she will trickle truth and make you a demon, who forced her to have an affair.
cheaters never accept the affair as their choice, they want to shift the blame on you so that they can feel less guilty or save their face. Dont accept her BS blame, listen cheaters open their mouth to lie, lie and lie. Affair was her choice and she should own this crap.
Never ever beg her to stay, she is in an affair and screwing on your back means she don't have any respect for you or your marriage. so if you beg her she will loose the traces of respect left for you.
Play cool, even if its hard. Dont be so emotional, stay calm and deal with her without much emotions, this will be against her expectations and she will become terrified.
so wait and collect maximum evidences as possible and collect the informations regarding the OM.
Then get ready to expose the affair to all the concerned as soon as you confront her.
By the way, if the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be wondering how to confront you about this? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.
I am just wondering since this has gone on for a year if your wife thought even if she got caught you would forgive her anyway so she had nothing to lose. Did she ever bring him to your home? Expose and confront immediately. Good luck.
But if she trickle truths, then she doesn't really care. Him telling her to confess all is one thing. Him telling her he's "not sure" whether he will stay with her or not--no dice, IMO. Hard consequences are the only things that work with a cheater.
24Likes
Found her out!! 
