sunshinetoday

Yes it makes sense! So take it slow. I always said cheating was a deal breaker for me...and so did my H! ALWAYS! Well then once it happens it isn't so cut and dry!
You are feeling emotions all over the place so it's a good idea not to make too many major decisions yet. I also don't advocate telling all kinds of people at first, unless it's to necessary to put a stop to the A. I wanted my husband out but didn't want him to have carte blanche to be with the OW. So it was hard as heck to know what to do at first. But if your H is truly remorseful and not in contact, it's a start.
Time is the only thing that will take away some of the pain.
I also think its best for your peace of mind to check up. It's too easy to deny what is happening when you don't have the hard proof.

ParachuteOn

(Originally posted this on highwood's thread by mistake, so sorry HW! )

This is terrible, truly. I understand that they get a dopamine rush out of their affairs that is like an addiction. But seriously, this is way out of the park. It is so planned, premeditated and meant to benefit himself at your expense. All for him and to he!! with his wife and family? And the woman is younger than your son??

Sorry you have to go through this. I am also in R. It is so hard because you don't know what the truth is. The thing that kills me, is that THEY KNOW THE TRUTH. They know what is going on. And we have to run around trying to figure it out while they stall, lie, minimize, blame-shift and gaslight.

Don't let him make a fool out of you. You are right, if you are nice or talk about the weather or be in the same room, he WILL see that as everything is alright. My H is the same way.

Be strong and please take care of yourself. BTW, why do you feel that he thought he got away with it? What skills did you employ to catch him?

TragicBeautiful

Was this meant for me? I don't have a son...

Almostrecovered

0 for 2 today parachute....lol

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ParachuteOn

Thanks AR. seriously am i losing my mind??

Almostrecovered

Ive already lost my mind so I'm really the wrong guy to ask

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ParachuteOn

OK, I think I finally got it. Highwood has the 22 y/o son, and your H has the 21y/o OW, right? A thousand pardons for you and a thousand lashes for me!

This is an awful thing to deal with for anyone let alone someone with your health and family issues. He keeps asking what to do because he wants you to tell him how to keep you. Like how much will this cost me? Don't tell him what he needs to do till you know for sure. Its ok to say I dont know. My H came home once after being out all night (and not answering his phone), and stood there drunk with a big smile at 2:30am and said, "OK, let me have it" with feigned humility. I learned then and there that he had already calculated the "cost" and agreed to pay it long before I even knew the decision was made!

Your H wants to know what the bill has come to. He is ready to pay up. It does not even occur to him that there may be no way to clear this debt. He does not think you will leave.

Your health is the most important thing. 3 years out is great news that should be celebrated. That anniversary must mean the world to you. And now you get to have an associated trigger of his infidelity. What a thoughtful gift. The disrespect itself is almost as bad as the act of cheating! What do you mean he thought he got away with it? Does that mean he was planning on keeping it from you forever? Your life is at stake for crying out loud!

Please know you are not alone, even though not all of us are awake yet. You deserve so much better. And congratulations on your 3 years anniversary. Life is for living! And not in all this misery he has brought to your table. {HUGS}

TragicBeautiful

I have just been telling him that I don't know.

Thanks a lot for listening and commenting.