lordmayhem

There IS a way. PM if you want to find out. It worked for me. I won't discuss it in the open.

__________________
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Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights
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Just Let Them Go

Shaggy

I wonder if she found the var and is turning it off when she talks to him?

Do you have access to her phone records so you could match call times with her in the car. If you find her in the car, on a call, but the var not working - well you know something.

If this is the case, drop a second var under the other seat but keep the first there.

keko

Can you access her fb?

YPbPr

I doubtful she found it. I just think the VAR is flaky. The login I found for her cell acc't doesn't work and I tried one too many time to force a lockout. I'm determined to download the data somehow this weekend. The app is ready and the cable is ready to. Just need 2 minutes with it.

Not yet. I tried two different pwords today and didn't want to force a lockout. Maybe I'll try a couple more pwords tomorrow.

I'm hiring a PI for next week's business trip. I'm sure that might be the tell-all.

jh52

Hiring a PI is a good idea. Try and act as normal as possible when she leaves.

YPbPr

So question...

I'm of the opinion this could be an attempt to take the EA to PA. I'm guessing there might have been two attempts in the past that were thwarted. The first was perhaps my willingness to work on things and take advantage of her emotions and tug on here heart strings. I think a second attempt might have been made when she "left me" but she later came back. She also got her period at that time and a reaming from her parents so maybe that stopped her a second time.

So now this comes up again and attempts are being made. If this hasn't been a PA should I stop it before it does? Or, do I need to let this ride out and expect the worst. I've read how a lot people here had that gut feeling but didn't do anything and later wish they did.

I don't have any hard evidence. I could present the idea that this week's new lingerie purchase has me concerned (I saw she bought lingerie on her bank records and then found the bag in her car to confirm). I would need to tell her I saw them in her car. Now she wants to go spend the night somewhere. I could also say I'm concerned that she's staying out with the company where her OM is. Thoughts?

keko

Some would disagree with me but I would let it play out. If my wife can't decide what is right and wrong by herself, I will not police her for the rest of my life, F that.


Keep your eyes on the GPS if she has to stay late for work.

turnera

Is she doing something that makes you think she will take it to the next level?

PHTlump

It depends on what you want. If you're looking for an excuse to divorce her, then let it go physical and then walk away. Otherwise, I would try to stop it.

Just confront her with the lingerie. Tell her that you're obviously worried about her commitment to the marriage. That you saw the lingerie bag. The lingerie is obviously not for you. And now, with her overnight trip, it looks like she's making a date.

She'll probably deny it. But, you just keep saying that it looks bad. If she wants to prove her loyalty, then tell her to hand over her unlocked phone immediately.

Good luck.

baldmale

For f***'s sake, stop it if you can. How to do that, hmmm... dunno that. But I sure wish I had stopped my wife before. That PA will be a struggle for me the rest of my life. Well, as long as we stay married at least.

Shaggy

Seriously do everything to c-ck block them that you can. Everything, the PA just takes it to a new level of hurt.

I would bring up the lingerie point blank, heck if you can just go to her car and retrieve the bag. and then confront her. Plan B would be to swipe the lingerie, and leave a note in it's place "So looking forward to this when I get home!"

What's with this overnight trip? How has she arranged it and what is her cover story?

the guy

Go with her on the over night trip and tell you want time together.

or

Confront her now with what you do have and tell her that if she takes this trip you consider her abandoning the family and will sue OM (use his name) for allination of affection.

You could have a good chance of b*llsh*ting your way into a admision when you confront her. Start taking all that you have and put a small story together that will lead her to believes you know more then you really do. Do you have enough to pull this off?

That trip IMHO is the dead line here, I would shift into hi gear and get a PI now and gather as much as you can to make her think you know everything before she leaves.

How much time do you have before the trip?

Is the nighty common knowledge or is she still hidding it from you and you just saw the bag or bill? I ask b/c pulling out the night from her case after she packs and confront her then.

She then can make the choice to call work and tell them she has an extrem family emergience and can't go...or she goes and you pack the rest of her crap up and tell her she is no longer welcome and she will have nothing her when she returns.

IS this even a real work trip? have you called her boss to see if you can join her. Can you call work and ask for the trip info? can you bring this up in small talk if you were to run into a coworkers of hers?

Shaggy

Or show up at hotel just after she arrives and say surprise honey, I'm here to keep you company. (didn't want you to be lonely, or get cold in your new lingerie)

the guy

How far away is the trip?

1st order of business is finding all you can on the work trip...if it even a work trip?

You might be able to confront with a combination of redflags but there no for sure bet that it would be effective.

Again this trip is the "line in the sand" IMHO

stedfin

If you ask her about the lingerie she'll just say she got it as a surprise for you or its a gift for a friend, you will gain nothing. If she's going to this level of deception and you've gone to such great lengths to track her, spy on her, and obtain information it might be time to throw in the towel. Just doesn't seem worth it anymore.