YPbPr

Really concerned about today/tonight activity. I checked we calendar and she is at clients company all day. Even has one hour meeting om. She's taking his team out after work. I have his number now. Thinking about calling OM this afternoon telling him I know ad to find other plans for tonight. Before I left house I said to W don't do anything today that detrimental to our marriage and I he felt she might she should call me first. Of courses said not to worry an I said you're going to see him today and anything could happen. She mumbled some stuff hinting I might know something but I ignored it.

Now m driving fr three hours alone with my thoughts an freaking out a little. Thinking about calling one of ym friends who he decided to confide in. I know this woman is a positive influence and maybe she can help. Thinking about calling W mom too
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keko

I wouldn't get too many people involved.... yet. Keep your eyes in the GPS.
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YPbPr

The gps won't tell me much for tonight. I'm trying to stop an act it's tonight which is why I considering calling OM
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keko

You already told your wife not to do anything that'll damage the marriage. Other then handcuffing her not much you can do. You know she cheated but you don't have enough evidence to convince others if you expose too soon.

I doubt the OM will take your call serious but it's worth a shot, if you do prepare yourself for when the wife finds out.
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chapparal

I think you should call the OM. I would be very cold and direct. Ask him what your wife meant when she said she ****ed up with him? Tell him you know whats going on and if anything else happens you will out him to his company, family, and put him on cheaterville.com. And you know where he lives.

Just my opinion

happyman64

I agree with Chap. Threaten his job and reputation. And if it really bothers you just show up tonight.
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iheartlife

Just bringing this forward, it was at the end of my long post above. I'm sorry if you've asked and answered this. What is your long term plan for this problem, which goes to the core of the affair?

YPbPr

My plan is do everything u can to end the affair and attempt reconciliation. There's no polaroid she intercourse and I'm doubtful she did. I can move past an EA and work on our marriage. That said, creating nc is going to be difficult. I'm aware of the career issues for her and I also understand a good wife would do anything. Shes so deep in the fog right now it's almost impossible for her to think clearly and do what's right. I'm trying to break that fantasy down and ground her again. If I can't here there I'm done. If I can get we there and she can't comply I'm done.
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turnera

By all means call him. Tell him that she SAID she has chosen you, not him, so you are moving forward under that assumption, and that any proof you find out otherwise, you are going to assume it's HIS fault and you will now start focusing on exposing HIS actions.

turnera

I agree. Most men who screw married women CHOOSE married women cos they're easy and cannot get easily attached. The first time the husband puts a crimp in his style, they usually run.

turnera

All the more reason to now attack HIM. He will drop her like a lead balloon once you make his life difficult. That will allow the 'fog' to dissipate; once the fog/drug is gone, WWs often see clearly and realize they've been had, and come back to the husband mentally.

PHTlump

You can tell her that it's not important how you know. Or, you can tell her that the only reason you can think of for her insistence on knowing your sources of information is so she can better hide either this affair, or future affairs. Refuse to allow her to put you on the defensive. This isn't about you or your investigative sources. It's about her betrayal of your marriage. Until she wants to talk about that, there's nothing to discuss.

I think your response is that she has two choices. Transparency or divorce. And she doesn't get a month of staying with her sister and half a dozen dates of goodbye sex with the OM in order to transition back to her married life with you. She should decide, within a few days at most, whether she wants to be married to you.

I think you keep the pressure up. If you don't give her a deadline, give yourself one. Go to MC with her with an agenda. You shouldn't be interested (yet) in why she cheated. You should be interested in getting a clear commitment from her, in words and action, that she is willing to take responsibility for her actions, apologize sincerely for damaging your marriage, and give you complete transparency. Otherwise, start the divorce proceedings. It's one or the other. She can't give you a little transparency or a little remorse.

Good luck.

lordmayhem

Is the OM married or has a GF? I don't know if you want to contact the OM at this point, it usually doesn't do any good, and besides, he'll deny it anyway. It would be better to expose the A to his BW or BGF. If he's such a big client for your WWs company, that means he's got money and assets to lose in a potential divorce. Therefore, he will quickly throw your WW under the bus in an effort to save his marriage/relationship.

__________________
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YPbPr

Quickly... OM is either single or divorced.
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YPbPr

Also... What some responses I can have ready when and if OM contacts my W about me calling him.
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