Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
First stop the talk about transparency, its premature because she's nowhere near remorseful or ready for R. A remorseful WS is willingly transparent and wants you to check on them because they WANT to rebuild the trust they destroyed. Does that sound like your WW? Nope. Her mind is STILL in the fog of the affair. The top priority right now is to kill the affair. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Thanks all. I'll keep working on killing the affair. Had a huge breakthrough today my speaking directly with OM. I'm gonna give our discussions a rest tonight. Should I expose to her mom yet? Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
Thanks all. I'll keep working on killing the affair. Had a huge breakthrough today my speaking directly with OM. I'm gonna give our discussions a rest tonight. Should I expose to her mom yet? Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
Thanks all. I'll keep working on killing the affair. Had a huge breakthrough today my speaking directly with OM. I'm gonna give our discussions a rest tonight. Should I expose to her mom yet? Posted via Mobile Device
Absolutely.
Think of it this way: If there wasn't an OM, if she wasn't continue to contact him, and if she wasn't continuing to arrange to meet up with him - there wouldn't be the need for any of this.
My point is, this situation has been created entirely by her. She isn't truly offering to say she was wrong and cross a boundary. Instead she is calling you controlling and demanding to know where the leaks are coming from so she can close them.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Y,
If your wife keeps acting irrational and being defiant then you might have to expose to her mom or anyone that she respects.
She is being very disrespectful to you and your marriage (not surprising).
Maybe it is time to walk away from her. Tell her when she starts acting rational then you will be glad to have a conversation with you. But if she keeps hurting your marriage then she is going to feel the consequences. Be vague for now.
Do not let her off the hook for any financial obligations.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
Thanks all. I'll keep working on killing the affair. Had a huge breakthrough today my speaking directly with OM. I'm gonna give our discussions a rest tonight. Should I expose to her mom yet? Posted via Mobile Device
I would. You tried to crack her with hard information and she's refusing to cave. She is showing no remorse and is trying to turn this all around on you and what a terrible snooper you are.
My husband fully admitted his affair after DD#2 (well, he texted me some completely undeniable stuff by accident!). When I started looking through his past cell phone records and discussing what I found, he got pretty mad and tried the whole "privacy" argument and how he felt "untrustworthy." I just about bit his head off with the retort that if he EVER thought what I had done to PROTECT OUR MARRIAGE was in the SAME LEAGUE as what he'd done, then he should leave ASAP because the marriage was OVER. That did the trick. Now he whips out the phone at the slightest request and hands it over without a glance.
From point A to point B I would say took several weeks. But he fully admitted his affair. You aren't anywhere near there yet.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
I'll call my MIL tomorrow. Hey- did I mention this? Web I sad that maybe the OM should get off the account or find another job she said this Ian his fault and we need to leave him out of this.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
I feel like she's trying to get me to admit to snooping. Would that be damaging to me? She saying she can't get transparent with me unless I admit to lookin through her things.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
To address the remorse questions above, she's refuting most of what I say and not saying sorry or the EA. in fact she's saying she told me she was having feelings from the onset and stopped. But obviously he hasn't if he's made attempts to meet up and texted about running off with him.
Translation: She is in FULL AFFAIR MODE.
You have NO REASON to even speak to her UNTIL she says "I'm sorry I hurt you."
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Well there you have you answers:
1. He ran right to her, even though you told him not to contact her.
2. She views defending him as more important and your right to fight for the marriage.
I know she claims to be trying to work on the marriage, but what I see is you hopefully successfully c-block her hooking up overnight with him, while she tries to find better ways of blocking your tracking her.
She's not fighting for the marriage at all. She's just to chicken to be cheating right in front of you.
She's also using her company and job as a way to fund and justify her continuing affair.
Cake eating and fence sitting in one package.
Since he's such an important client to her, and her company - I really don't see how this can work out. She's not working on the marriage or ending the EA/PA.
Perhaps after you've had a sleep - tomorrow you should just ask her - why she chose to cheat with him physically, on date XXX? How could she claim to be a good wife, when she's done that? And it's time for her to decide. Either R, or leave for good and you will be filing for D immediately - it's he choice, but you won't wait for her to explore her feelings for the OM.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
She's at a standstill. If I don't discuss my intel methods she says h can't work on us and is prepared to move out and move on but she won't move out unless I agree she no longer has to be financially responsible for rent, utils, etc. Posted via Mobile Device
Fine. Let her move out. The ONLY way you'll ever save your marriage is if you stand firm and say "I won't discuss a single thing with you until you prove that you are NC and are giving me full transparency. If you don't want to do those two things, then I don't want to be married to you. We have nothing more to discuss."
LEAD your marriage by refusing to be part of cheating.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy
Well there you have you answers:
1. He ran right to her, even though you told him not to contact her.
2. She views defending him as more important and your right to fight for the marriage.
I know she claims to be trying to work on the marriage, but what I see is you hopefully successfully c-block her hooking up overnight with him, while she tries to find better ways of blocking your tracking her.
She's not fighting for the marriage at all. She's just to chicken to be cheating right in front of you.
She's also using her company and job as a way to fund and justify her continuing affair.
Cake eating and fence sitting in one package.
Since he's such an important client to her, and her company - I really don't see how this can work out. She's not working on the marriage or ending the EA/PA.
Perhaps after you've had a sleep - tomorrow you should just ask her - why she chose to cheat with him physically, on date XXX? How could she claim to be a good wife, when she's done that? And it's time for her to decide. Either R, or leave for good and you will be filing for D immediately - it's he choice, but you won't wait for her to explore her feelings for the OM.
I did not see where OM contacted her except for canceling their after work plans.
404Likes
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180 
