Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
Thanks all. I'll keep working on killing the affair. Had a huge breakthrough today my speaking directly with OM. I'm gonna give our discussions a rest tonight. Should I expose to her mom yet? Posted via Mobile Device
By all means.
You are on a path now, Ypb. You have to continue. Be STRONG. Do NOT share your wife.
I did not see where OM contacted her except for canceling their after work plans.
She knew the OP had called him, when she came home tellong him to leave the OM out of it, she also probed him on how he knew about today. Clearly the OM contacted her, and she came home to confront hubby. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
I'll call my MIL tomorrow. Hey- did I mention this? Web I sad that maybe the OM should get off the account or find another job she said this Ian his fault and we need to leave him out of this.
Gimme a break. LOL! Posted via Mobile Device
This sounds like YPbPr brought up the OM she responded . I can't tell he called her. No?
YPbPr should hold both fo their jobs over their heads if she stays nasty about it.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
I can see how Shaggy might extract that she found out about my contact with OM since she tried to tell me to leave him out of it. It's quite possible but it also may not have happened too.
W snooped on my laptop last night and found the blackbrry desktop app. She also changed her passwords on a couple banking sites and email sites.
She carried on this morning that NOTHING physical happened and she spent all morning putting all of this on me and she almost has me believing that she didn't do anything and that my detective work is creating a scenario that doesn't exist. Obviously something exists.
I'm regretting not asking OM how many time they got together or if they had sex. Is it worth another call to him? I know he's scared he'll loose his job.
Should I continue to call W's mom this morning and discuss?
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
I can see how Shaggy might extract that she found out about my contact with OM since she tried to tell me to leave him out of it. It's quite possible but it also may not have happened too.
W snooped on my laptop last night and found the blackbrry desktop app. She also changed her passwords on a couple banking sites and email sites.
She carried on this morning that NOTHING physical happened and she spent all morning putting all of this on me and she almost has me believing that she didn't do anything and that my detective work is creating a scenario that doesn't exist. Obviously something exists.
I'm regretting not asking OM how many time they got together or if they had sex. Is it worth another call to him? I know he's scared he'll loose his job.
Should I continue to call W's mom this morning and discuss?
You have all you need. From now on she is either into the marriage or not. She is transparent or not. She loves you and wants to be your wife or not. Give her a few days.
You know what she did, what are you doubting? She told you she had feelings for the OM. She told her friend she really ****ed up. What does that mean, she had the chance and didn't screw him?
Quit listening to her bullsh!t. When she starts it up, hold up your hand and walk off. Its time for you to do the 180 and start working on yourself. Its time for her to do some work on your marriage.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
He reaction to worrying about you watching her, is to lock things down more. That could be out of wanting to hide, or a knew jerk reaction to being watched.
Either way, there is the fact she's admitted to feelings for him, there is her message to the friend, and her repeated attempts to find a convenient excuse to staying overnight in his location.
IF she's checking your laptop - make sure you're visiting this form using private browsing mode and closing your browser when you are done.
But after all of this where are you at? She still refuses to end contact with him, a man whom she has feelings.
I'd give her a day or two to settle down. She saw him yesterday, which has fueled her EA and has got her thinking about him even more. He didn't go out with her last night, so she's upset that she didn't get to socialize with him.
Over all she's frustrated and upset by yesterdays events.
But in a couple of days I would approach her about where this is going: Does she choose the marriage - then the situation with the OM has to change. Another person will have to take over the account.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Yup. Pretty dumb of me to not protect the laptop. The thing is, that's not the machine I was using to do conduct research however I did download the app to the machine just in case.
Spoke to W's mom. She had no idea about OM. Surprisingly, W's mom was very open with me and is committed to helping us through this as best as she can.
Got some insights into W's first marriage. First husband put a PI on her but it turned out he was tracking her relationship with a good friend. Someone I know as well and someone who his fatherly to her. I do think she covers up her relationship with this person a bit (because of the PI/first marriage) but there is nothing going on. Confirmed. I actually like the guy and saw emails with him advising her not to go see OM.
Spoke to legal and they said looking at W's blkberry doesn't propose a problem to me. I've been concerned, legally, that telling her I looked through her phone would make seperation/divorce proceedings unfavorable for me but they won't.
So, at this point, I'm thinking about saying I looked at her phone and obtained info. She already told me she's getting another phone and changing her passwords, etc.
So here's where I'm at. What do I have to loose telling her I looked at the phone? I say, nothing. If the marriage is done, then it's done. I know what I know and I don't need to continue monitoring her. I figure, tell her about the phone, explain it was to protect our marriage, and let the cards lie where the may.
If she's unwilling to to get into marriage counseling this week and accept the fact that I looked at the phone... ...and if she's not willing to give me the transparency then that's that. What else can I do. I guess this post is really me telling you guys I'm going to give up my blackberry source (not var). It's probably closed off anyway for now. Thoughts?
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy
He reaction to worrying about you watching her, is to lock things down more. That could be out of wanting to hide, or a knew jerk reaction to being watched.
Either way, there is the fact she's admitted to feelings for him, there is her message to the friend, and her repeated attempts to find a convenient excuse to staying overnight in his location.
IF she's checking your laptop - make sure you're visiting this form using private browsing mode and closing your browser when you are done.
But after all of this where are you at? She still refuses to end contact with him, a man whom she has feelings.
I'd give her a day or two to settle down. She saw him yesterday, which has fueled her EA and has got her thinking about him even more. He didn't go out with her last night, so she's upset that she didn't get to socialize with him.
Over all she's frustrated and upset by yesterdays events.
But in a couple of days I would approach her about where this is going: Does she choose the marriage - then the situation with the OM has to change. Another person will have to take over the account.
Thanks. Just read this after making my post above. I'm always visiting TAM via private mode so all set there. I clear my cache/cookies, too. I think my post above also let's you know where I'm at but I agree that NC needs to take place however it's SO complicated given the work relationship. This is her company's biggest account. You're right though... She's not thinking rationally and is only poo-poo'ing thoughts of he or she leaving the account.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
I think you're right about the BB source being gone from now on. Think about your plan overnight and if you don't see any holes in it, then have that talk about the BB messages tomorrow.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
She's continuing to be defiant and blameshifting. The blackberry is now compromised and she defiantly says she will get a new phone and changed her passwords. This now calls for drastic measures, don't you think?
It's time to lawyer up and start divorce proceedings. You can always put it on hold or cancel it altogether if she ever leaves the fog. It's also time to start considering wider exposure of the affair. How far you go will be up to her actions. It's time to go dark on her and do a strong 180. Stop engaging her. She's playing you like a puppet. Geez, she almost has you believing her bullsh!t.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
What do I have to lose telling her I looked at the phone? I say, nothing.
What do you have to GAIN by telling her? I mean, seriously, why WOULD you? To get her to stop harassing you? Are you so doormat that you'll do anything to keep the peace? I know it's hard to stand up against someone constantly in your face, but consider this a good learning experience, to get you out of your comfort zone, by NOT telling her.
LEAD your family, shut your mouth except to say "If you're ready to go NC with OM, let's talk; if not, I have nothing to say to you."
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Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180 
