Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180

Almostrecovered · 05-18-2012, 08:29 AM

she seems more concerned about what you know and covering her tracks than working on the marriage

you won't get anywhere with that attitude

iheartlife · 05-18-2012, 09:15 AM

The huge problem I see in your marriage is that your wife thinks it's ok to discuss intimate private details re just about ANYTHING pertaining to the two of you. One affair is bad enough. Discussing you up and down and sideways with anyone who will listen is headed toward failure. She needs to learn about triangulating and it's too bad if this was not raised in IC. She wants to be right and so she keeps soliciting outside opinions to validate her take on every jot and tiddle.

I could not live with someone like that. If you go to MC, I feel like this is the largest issue. A chasm between you, lack of trust that seems to predate the affair, and it just seems to get wider.

I don't think, based on what she's done, that her privacy is so imprtant so she can have affairs. That's almost the least of it. She wants to discuss each marital problem endlessly with everyone but you, and transparency will put a huge end to her favorite passtime.
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sinnister · 05-18-2012, 09:22 AM

Sorry man. Your wife had the EA possibly PA and "needs time to think" about reconcilliation meanwhile you're ready to do everything necessary?

These things should be reversed. It seems like she really wants out.

Speaking about talking to the OM's boss to paint you as a liar to protect HIM?! No. I hope you do what's right by you.

YPbPr · 05-18-2012, 11:22 AM

Mispost. See below.

happyman64 · 05-18-2012, 11:24 AM

Y,

Y the "F" are you still with this woman. Love just sucks sometimes.

Been where you are my man.

Shaggy is right. Keep the var and gps in place.

Your wife is a thinker and needs time. Yeah, she is in full control of the relationship, affair and the next step.

Good job throwing a monkey wrench in her plans but all she is doing now is figuring out how to get back in control.

I really do not think she is interested in the marriage.

What a selfish biotch.....

You deserve better. Be patient, let her have her time and when she returns without an answer to you about the future of your marriage like I predict she will do just pull the var and gps.

You will have your answer then.

Make a decision for you.

You deserve better.

HM64

YPbPr · 05-18-2012, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bandit.45

How old are you and your wife?

Mid-thirties

YPbPr · 05-18-2012, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Almostrecovered

she seems more concerned about what you know and covering her tracks than working on the marriage

you won't get anywhere with that attitude

Agreed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iheartlife

The huge problem I see in your marriage is that your wife thinks it's ok to discuss intimate private details re just about ANYTHING pertaining to the two of you. One affair is bad enough. Discussing you up and down and sideways with anyone who will listen is headed toward failure. She needs to learn about triangulating and it's too bad if this was not raised in IC. She wants to be right and so she keeps soliciting outside opinions to validate her take on every jot and tiddle.

I hear what you're saying but she's not talking to strangers. Only those who she deems as close friends and, in the interest of being fair, I'm talking with ANYONE who will listen. Maybe I'm wrong but that's just me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by iheartlife

I don't think, based on what she's done, that her privacy is so imprtant so she can have affairs. That's almost the least of it. She wants to discuss each marital problem endlessly with everyone but you, and transparency will put a huge end to her favorite passtime.

She'll tell you she has decided to discuss it with me but I haven't listened and now I'm only listening b/c she went along and did this. I say to that, I'm listening! Let's work on it but now she doesn't want to. Lame.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sinnister

Sorry man. Your wife had the EA possibly PA and "needs time to think" about reconcilliation meanwhile you're ready to do everything necessary?

These things should be reversed. It seems like she really wants out.

Speaking about talking to the OM's boss to paint you as a liar to protect HIM?! No. I hope you do what's right by you.

I agree. I think she wants out and she wants me to do it. I guess I'm stuck in that realm of how do I best protect myself and part of me wants to "win" and come out of this the hero. "She cheated on me!" Maybe I need to get over myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by happyman64

Y,

Y the "F" are you still with this woman. Love just sucks sometimes.

Been where you are my man.

Shaggy is right. Keep the var and gps in place.

Your wife is a thinker and needs time. Yeah, she is in full control of the relationship, affair and the next step.

Good job throwing a monkey wrench in her plans but all she is doing now is figuring out how to get back in control.

I really do not think she is interested in the marriage.

What a selfish biotch.....

You deserve better. Be patient, let her have her time and when she returns without an answer to you about the future of your marriage like I predict she will do just pull the var and gps.

You will have your answer then.

Make a decision for you.

You deserve better.

HM64

I will follow yours and Shaggy's advice and keep the elements in play. Meanwhile, I'll file for the papers.

YPbPr · 05-18-2012, 11:58 AM

Anyone know the legalities of var/gps? Car is in W's name.

Shaggy · 05-18-2012, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YPbPr

Anyone know the legalities of var/gps? Car is in W's name.

Car is a joint asset of the marriage. The name it's in is only DMV registration,
Posted via Mobile Device

the guy · 05-18-2012, 12:02 PM

keep the VAR in the car and until you here the words" i want my marriage" see is a long way away from being ready to do the heavy lifting here.
If you are going to talk to her lawyer friend, you better get a lawyer so that he/she can express your feelings. My thinking is this tactic will renforce a propable consequence if she does change her view of *her* marriage.

I'm not sure what will really get WW to turn a corner, but having a lawyer may be a tactic that your WW sees as you willing to let her go and there by her getting on one side of the fence or the other.