bandit.45

Ask Halien to delete it.

Shaggy

I think you can delete the thread because you created it.
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keko

just ask them to move it over.

YPbPr

Can a mod please move this thread?
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YPbPr

Update: w begged to not take her down. 10 min later w said shell quit job. I don't get it.
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bandit.45

Just stay quiet and focused. Let her squirm for a day or so.

northland

If she's reading this thread as you suspect, then publically posting to start a new one (or move it) in the private members section (rather than suggesting in a pm) is like holding up a big sign with an arrow that says "Your husband's thread has been moved over here, post 30x and you can see it as easily as you can see this one!".

Besides if she's reading, the damage has been done. This place isn't a safe haven for him anymore.

She'll take a hit on you? That sounds like a threat against your life.

keko

BS. She wants more time to file herself. What happened to the last time she accepted your terms? She's playing you for a fool, WAKE UP my man.

northland

She doesn't gain any advantage by filing first.

Unless you think seeing one's own name as the plaintiff in the action (as opposed to the defendant) is some sort of advantage.

Plus she'd have to pay the filing fees.

keko

Yes she does, she gets to clear her name if she files under anything but adultery.
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TBT

Might be wise to always carry a recorder whenever talking to her.

__________________
"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis

northland

What is this nonsense about her "her name being cleared"?

She's a cheater. What's written in filings, petitions, and affadavits doesn't change a thing, half the stuff written in there is completely fabricated and the rest is twists and distortions of the truth.

People will believe what they want to believe regardless of what they read or what they're told by the involved parties and when you think about it, who cares what these uninvolved third parties think?

What's important is getting out of a bad marriage with a deceptive cheating partner. As quickly and as inexpensively as possible.

Eli-Zor

Leave the thread where it is , all your wife is doing is threatening you and your responding .

By the time you start listening and doing what needs to be done your marriage will have zero chance , you say to much to your wife and you do to little.

There is not even the need to give you a 2x4 , your wasting valuable time have forewarned her of your steps and the situation your in today is ----the same place as you have always been .

Art of war : do not tell your enemy or her allies what you are doing, action has the greatest effect words are meaningless .


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Eli-Zor

Read your first plan and start actioning each step. Only when your wife sees your serious will she behave . Your immediate aim is to take out the OM , shatter your wife's fantasy then work on the marriage if she shows true remorse.

You have the exposure templates, use them. As you have her access to her work mail secure her contact list, keep it in a safe place in case you require it later on.
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Thruhellandback

I was the cheating wife. I have some insight.
1. From what you describe she is still talking and sharing with the OM.That's why she waffles back and forth 2. You cannot move forward without full disclosure. 3. She must be COMPLETELY transparent and want to either piss or get off the pot. 4. What she doesn't fully realise because she's still involved with him is that she cannot get a full picture of reality until she breaks contact. 5. She is getting a certain number of needs fulfilled by him and she doesn't want to let that go....but she fails to recongnise that you are fulfilling her needs as well. She idealises him but if she were to leave you THEN she would realise how you were meeting a certain number of needs as well.
This needs to be all exposed and talked about before you can move forward. She needs to want to be there. She must promise and guarantee that she has completely broken contact AND be ready to prove it with full access to her phone....I let my husband communicate with the man I had been having an affair with and see and read everything... I accounted for my whereabouts everyday so that he could trust that I was really there and nothing was distracting me from the goal: trying to sort out how we could meet each other's needs again (His Needs, Her Needs: READ IT!) and work back to a connection again.
Yes install your spyware if you must but better yet ask her directly and openly for full disclosure....if she knows that she is a full partner in your reconciliation she will be less likely to bolt. Sneaking around can be detrimental. She must WANT to give you what you need as far as reassurance that the affair is over or only emotional.
It sounds like you are early on at the "discovery' stage. This is a fragile time. 1-2 months after the discovery of my affair I washighly at risk of leaving him .It's really hard to accept that someone be able to read every email or text etc. It's intrusive. At first I would erase things that I was afraid would make him doubt me again so the more you push the more secretive she could get. I really feel for you. She is not quite on the same page as you and you are trying to cope with keeping everything together and dealing with all the feeling of betrayal at the same time. Before the MC, before you install all kinds of spyware....push her to make a real choice between the two of you and if she chooses you and insist that she prove that it has really ended. There is no half way here. She can't hang on to him even just emotionally, just 'in case' you guys don't work out.