Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
W left the house to shack up with co-worker mid-week. Didn't communicate with W until yesterday afternoon. She headed to be with family for the long weekend. She's still talking with OM, keeps asking if NC, quitting job, etc is what I need her to. I asked her what she wants and she says she doesn't know. I've started legal paperwork and I asked her to meet with the marshall to get served. 180'ing hard right now. Moving on. I know you guys are very concerned about BIL. That will come in due time. It's not the right timing right now. Sorry.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
YPbPR,
If she keeps asking if thats what you need - have you told her "yes"? I assuming you have , so what is her response when you ask her why she keeps asking?
I'm sorry its come to this point. You've been working your tail off for her.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
well there you go. still trying to control you. cake eater is what she is. way to earlier in th marriage for this drama. I just never understood why you con't see that. If she somehow convince you for another ago at it you will be spying and worrying your whole marriage. By the way, hold on to the evidence, so if they try to end run you with BIL when you tell him, you will have proof. Also give him your methods of detecting so he can verify what you tell him. Good luck man.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
...She's still talking with OM, keeps asking if NC, quitting job, etc is what I need her to. I asked her what she wants and she says she doesn't know.
"Yes, I still require a partner in life who actually honors her promises and will give me 100% of her affection and loyalty. I will not accept anything less than 100%. Due to the choices you have made committing adultery at work, I would still require quitting your job and I would require no contact EVER AGAIN in order to demonstrate to me 100% of your affection and 100% of your loyalty. When/if you are ready to give me 100%, contact me."
Quote:
I've started legal paperwork and I asked her to meet with the marshall to get served. 180'ing hard right now. Moving on.
The best thing you can do is to allow her to experience the consequences of her choices--both legally and financially. Right now she's in that fog that says she gets to keep the house and your money, but you get all the debts and responsibilities. By allowing her to see that choosing infidelity has costs...she may realize that the cost is too high. At that point, it would be up to you whether you want to try recovery or not. Either way, by filing you are setting it so that society is enforcing the consequences of her choices--not you being a "meanie."
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Thanks again all. W returned to house yesterday. To remind you all, she left Wednesday to live with a friend and then went to her parents for the long weekend.
Upon her return I got the remorseful, crying version of my W who begged me not to D her and said she'd do almost anything to reconcile. She's agreed to NC letter/call and digital transparency. She won't quit her job (I don't think that's best for either of us) but will implement the middle-man strategy described earlier in this thread. She said she would call me immediately if the OM contacted her outside of work and she will NOT engage in any non-business contact. She said she would still take the poly is I want it (I think that's extreme). She's agreed to hardcore MC at any cost and she's willing to read infidelity books.
I'm not sure what I should do here. I told myself I'd file no matter what she said when she came home but I feel there's a genuine R here. She says she did not sleep with the guy. I'm wondering if I should ease up and go through some R motions with her over the next month and see what happens.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Y,
Why ease up now.
If it was me and I wanted my wife to know how serious I am about her infidelity as well as reconciliation I would file for divorce.
I would tell her that gives us 3 months(time frame before divorce is final) for her to show true remorse, give her time to setup up proper boundaries and truly show you that she wants you and the marriage.
THat is what I would do but you are the man onsite and you see her for what she is so in the end it is your decision.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
Upon her return I got the remorseful, crying version of my W who begged me not to D her and said she'd do almost anything to reconcile. She's agreed to NC letter/call and digital transparency. She won't quit her job (I don't think that's best for either of us) but will implement the middle-man strategy described earlier in this thread. She said she would call me immediately if the OM contacted her outside of work and she will NOT engage in any non-business contact. She said she would still take the poly is I want it (I think that's extreme). She's agreed to hardcore MC at any cost and she's willing to read infidelity books.
Is her real intention there? She's getting good at this.
Reconciliation and MC do not work if her heart is not in it.
404Likes
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180 
Keep it up. You're on a pretty good track.
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at 
