Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180

iheartlife · 06-05-2012, 08:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the guy

After this marry go round, it you that need time. She can choose to what, but can she validate NC from OM or any OM. The job thing IMHO is still in the why? But what suck is you left the door open to R and she went through it then stepped back out.

I mean geez how much can a guy take...... I'm all for marriage and R, but she screwed her self.......man I want to tell you to let her come through the door again but at the end of the day she used her last muligan and now its closed.
Maybe it will be closed for ever maybe not, it your choice and its hers to wait it out or not.
I say finalize the D and start from scratch...with her again or not. My thinking is if she scews you over again, you want be so invested....at least finaciallyor legaly.

Man she screwed up and you have moved on.....do you want to take the risk of getting emotional f^cked if you let her through the door again??????? I say " now its your time to wait and see"

What also struck me when reading your post...maybe what she wants to do is get him back, and then dump him. Again, it has to do with insight into the mind of a negotiator (or a possible narcissist--they HATE rejection).

I just don't see the love in this relationship. It's just so short, and she's off cheating, before the wedding bouquet even turned brown. I just don't get it at all.

Shaggy · 06-05-2012, 08:42 PM

The response to her saying its hard for her should be:

It shouldn't be hard to chose to be faithful to your husband. So just saying its hard for you says all I need to hear to know that you are having a problem choosing that. So you have chosen the OM over your husband in the end. Goodbye.
Posted via Mobile Device

Shaggy · 06-05-2012, 08:43 PM

The response to her saying its hard for her should be:

It shouldn't be hard to choose to be faithful to your husband. So just saying its hard for you says all I need to hear to know that you are having a problem choosing that. So you have chosen the OM over your husband in the end. Goodbye.
Posted via Mobile Device

turnera · 06-05-2012, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YPbPr

ps. I asked what's changed and she said she doesn't want to regret leaving the marriage.

Too bad none of the 'change' was about helping YOU achieve happiness. Still all about her.

Unendinglove · 06-06-2012, 07:41 AM

Help me friends!! Sorry to interupt this thread, I cant seem to figure out how to start one?

What do i do? Wife and i separated 4 months. 1 month ago she opened up to the chance to try again. For 3 weeks we went out, went on 2 trips and made love twice. Wow did i think I was well on the way to restoration.

Then her daughter had a baby. The father is unemployed and lazy and who knows if he will stick it out. It seems the day since baby born, she has withdrawn and doesnt want to do anything??? What the hell happened??? My wife has had 4 previous Marriages and has a 12 year old son that knows how to control Momma.

While we lived together I did and provided everthing for them both. i am a damn good Christian Husband that honored his vows. The stepson knew how to manipulate our Marriage to get his way and told his momma lies that she always believed.

Anyway, my dilema. Should i go dark and let her wonder "what happened" or should i be the nice guy and just say, "honey I know you just became a grandma again and you need your space and time with family. I dont want to push you into a decision and just take your time and give us thoughtful consideration?

Im debating which has best impact for us? Will the second approach show her i care and gain her respect or will she just think she has me on a leash and is ready to pull me in?

Thanks for the help. God do I need it!

Almostrecovered · 06-06-2012, 07:43 AM

top left of the CWI forum is a new thread button

if it's a mobile browser there's a link that says "New?"

if it's tapatalk app on the upper right there's an arrow headed right click that and choose New Topic

StrangerThanFiction · 06-06-2012, 03:32 PM

My bet is that she was sleeping with the OM before, during and after the wedding.

Acabado · 06-06-2012, 10:06 PM

I'm with the above poster. Beyond the stuborness she's displaying I've always suspected more involvement that she'll admit ever. If the OP ever get a full disclosure (unlikely) he's going to be very surprised.

Tony55 · 06-08-2012, 03:52 PM

I think at this point it's safe to say that she doesn't respect the marriage and she doesn't respect you. You've pretty much done everything you could to discover, uncover, disrupt and discourage your wife's pursuit of another man and at this point it seems there's nothing else to say. Walk away and don't look back. You don't owe her or her family any explanation. No calls, no texts, no emails; it's over. That also means no revenge, no spite, no continuation of acknowledgement that she even exists any longer. She's a stranger to you. Let her and her memory go.

Good Luck

YPbPr · 12-15-2012, 10:12 AM

Hi all. Loooongg time. I had to come back to the thread to find some information and thought I'd offer up a response. We tried to work on things for most of the remaining year but one day she said she couldn't do it anymore. I can't sit here and say that happened out of blue given the big picture; however, it seemed out of the blue given that things were going well for us.

We can all sit here and talk about why that finally happened but it's not worth it. She has moved out. It's been about a month and I'm good with that. I did everything I could.

The moral of the story here... Listen to what others have to say on this site. Read this thread from start to finish. It's a classic tale here. I appreciate the help I've received from all of you.

YPbPr · 12-15-2012, 10:16 AM

Can someone point me to the HR letter. I can't seem to find it in this thread. It's the letter the BS can send to the AP's company exposing the A on company time, etc.

iheartlife · 12-15-2012, 10:28 AM

Hey there! I was literally thinking about you yesterday.

Quote:

To Whom It May Concern: XXXX

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

(Your wayward spouse name ) and OM/OW (name) are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets.
(Your wayward spouse name ) and OM/OW (name) are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

Here is one version of that letter, and here is the post it came from (and there's a post that originated it, I'm sure that's around here too).

Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this

Sorry to hear things did not work out, even after you tried. I wonder how many times she will end up getting married when all is said and done. Hope you are able to work things out amicably in terms of the divorce.

3putt · 12-15-2012, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YPbPr

Can someone point me to the HR letter. I can't seem to find it in this thread. It's the letter the BS can send to the AP's company exposing the A on company time, etc.

Here's one....

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustUss

Developed by Brits Brat, board member and corporate attorney--

To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

WS and WS are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place, primarily, in the workplace. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company resources and assets. WS and WS are using company time and company resources to further their affair. If you check the call histories on their office and cell phones along with their workstation computers, you will find the two of them are spending an inordinate amount of what should be productive work time to further their sexual relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,

happyman64 · 12-15-2012, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YPbPr

Hi all. Loooongg time. I had to come back to the thread to find some information and thought I'd offer up a response. We tried to work on things for most of the remaining year but one day she said she couldn't do it anymore. I can't sit here and say that happened out of blue given the big picture; however, it seemed out of the blue given that things were going well for us.

We can all sit here and talk about why that finally happened but it's not worth it. She has moved out. It's been about a month and I'm good with that. I did everything I could.

The moral of the story here... Listen to what others have to say on this site. Read this thread from start to finish. It's a classic tale here. I appreciate the help I've received from all of you.

Hey Y

I sorry your marriage turned into a bust. Glad you tried.

Good Luck moving on and send that letter.

HM64

Shaggy · 12-15-2012, 12:46 PM

So did the OM never go away then? Reading between the lines did she break NC and hook up with him which caused the sudden change in direction?