Last week, I made confirmation via e-mail that my wife is having an emotional affair. Not sure if it's physical but the warning signs are all there: working later nights, new clothes, acting strangely all the time, answering questions oddly etc.
Since finding the e-mails (which I have never exposed) we've gone through an emotional roller coaster as I've been more proactive about communicating and talking about us. Day 1: She would say she couldn't do "this" anymore, she's tired. Day 2: She says she has feelings for another person and her guard is down. She's thinking about moving out or at least going away for the weekend. Day 3: I let her know how committed I am to making "us" work. I admit blame in our marriage faults, suggest we see a MC, be more communicative, etc. She accepts. I ask she doesn't leave. She stays. I ask for MC and she agrees. Oh, and by the way, she wanted me to know her plans to for a business overnight next week are cancelled and she'll come home instead. awesome! since the e-mails I read talked about W meeting with OM on that trip.
That was Day 3. By day 5/6 it appears she's starting to revert. She's not sure MC is best for us, she came home late again last night and acted more strangely than I've ever witnessed.
I have used a keylogger on my machine for security so I was able to look at very old records of her using my machine and found the password. Oddly, the day she came home and listened to me and agreed to work on us (Day 3) she changed her password. Not sure if that's related but my point is that I can no longer get in. She uses her own laptop which I have very little access to. Her cellphone is also on her person at all times and she watches it like a hawk.
My game-plan is get a VAR and put it in her car tonight. She's suppose to have normal work days today/tomorrow with IC tomorrow night. I figure I should get it in there and leave it through the week and then listen and assess.
This is the probably the hardest thing I've had to do — maintain composure while going through the most pain I've ever felt. She probably see/feels it too but I'm doing my best.
My goal here? I'm hoping folks can coach me through the process. I want to give it a week of investigation. It'll be so hard but I think it'll be worth it. Who knows... Maybe this week will bring good things and we'll get into MC but I need to know facts cause if this is going to be a continued EA or PA I'll need confirmation before I feel good about starting The 180.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
She had an affair and you took the blame for it how? Did you pointed a gun at her and asked her to have an affair? if not then affair was her choice and you have nothing to do with it. Your marriage may have been a hell and you may have been the most disgusting husband in the world, she had other choices to put effort in your marriage or divorce, but she choose to have an affair, how this is your fault? This is the classic blunter many BS make when they confront WS. Dont allow her to blameshift or manipulate you with her BS.
A person have an affair when they loose the respect for BS, dont loose the traces of respect left for you by begging her to stay in the marriage. If you need her back then let her go first...............
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
YPbPr,
Let me clue you on something that you may have forgotten. Wives lose attraction for fearful husbands who are too scared of losing their marriage. You need to man-up and implement Just Let Them Go and The 180 degree rules to obtain the emotional strength and confidence to move on with your life with or without her.
Selling your soul to save your marriage is always a Faustian deal.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by iheartlife
Have you researched the OM? Is he married, does he work with her, does he have a criminal background, etc?
There's very little on-line about the OM other than a LinkedIn page. Tried searching his e-mail addy, name, and variants of his name without much luck. I know he's single (divorced), and he's reps my W's new account. Haven't tried criminal checks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by keko
Not confronting was the right thing to do. Most people confront with what little they have and the affair goes further underground.
Her changing password and keeping the phone on her are all signs of EA if not PA already.
Which phone is she using?
Blackberry. Not sure which one. It's a year or two old. Thanks for support my cause. Looking into VAR's.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kallan Pavithran
She had an affair and you took the blame for it how? Did you pointed a gun at her and asked her to have an affair? if not then affair was her choice and you have nothing to do with it. Your marriage may have been a hell and you may have been the most disgusting husband in the world, she had other choices to put effort in your marriage or divorce, but she choose to have an affair, how this is your fault? This is the classic blunter many BS make when they confront WS. Dont allow her to blameshift or manipulate you with her BS.
A person have an affair when they loose the respect for BS, dont loose the traces of respect left for you by begging her to stay in the marriage. If you need her back then let her go first...............
If I wasn't clear, let me state that I'm responsible for my damage to the marriage and our relationship. I hold my WS 100% accountable for the extraneous action beyond our marriage. I know she had options and choosing to befriend an OM or share intamcies his entirely her fault. In fact, I think she's weak and might be damaged goods. Perhaps, this her MO. If so... Hit the bricks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri
YPbPr,
Let me clue you on something that you may have forgotten. Wives lose attraction for fearful husbands who are too scared of losing their marriage. You need to man-up and implement Just Let Them Go and The 180 degree rules to obtain the emotional strength and confidence to move on with your life with or without her.
Selling your soul to save your marriage is always a Faustian deal.
I'm already there. I want to do it that right now. But, I can't. I need to gather more intelligence first and play it cool. Let her make a mistake. I'm all for the 180 and letting someone go but I think I would be more effective if I gave things a bit more time was best prepared.
As for her phone, that's more tricky. Can't help you there.
Good luck.
I don't have good access to her computer. I new the email password which you can check from any machine but now that's it changed I'm in the dark again.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Have you used spokeo.com or intellius to reverse check his phone and address. Background checks available there for fees but they are rather cheap. I'd get background checks from more than one website, esp. if you find he uses multiple variants of his name, some websites will have the good on one name and other websites have more info on the other.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by YPbPr
I'm already there. I want to do it that right now. But, I can't. I need to gather more intelligence first and play it cool. Let her make a mistake. I'm all for the 180 and letting someone go but I think I would be more effective if I gave things a bit more time was best prepared.
YPbPr,
If you are not sure that she's already in a PA and you are still having sex with her, you need to stop being sexually intimate with her and get tested for STDs. This action itself could alert her that you may know that she's cheating on you.
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by iheartlife
Have you used spokeo.com or intellius to reverse check his phone and address. Background checks available there for fees but they are rather cheap. I'd get background checks from more than one website, esp. if you find he uses multiple variants of his name, some websites will have the good on one name and other websites have more info on the other.
I don't have his phone. Just an work e-mai address. I signed up for Spokeo but I'm not getting good results with his name only. Can take random guesses on living locations based on work but it doesn't tell me much right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri
YPbPr,
If you are not sure that she's already in a PA and you are still having sex with her, you need to stop being sexually intimate with her and get tested for STDs. This action itself could alert her that you may know that she's cheating on you.
We haven't been sexually active in weeks but I'm not certain I want to let on quite yet. I still feel the need to fact collect. You think I should be putting this out there right now?
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Originally Posted by Shaggy
If he is a rep to your wife's co. Contact his employer and here and report the affair
Your goal right now is to kill the affair. Until the affair is over she will continue to fence sit as you have seen.
Make it super costly to both of the them and they will end it
She will be mad. But she will respect you in the end and he will be super angry at her. Posted via Mobile Device
This is my W's company's client and she manages the account. They work at different companies but my W's business is providing them service. It's a huge account and my W's company is very dependent on this business to survive. It would have huge affects if the left. Regardless, to me, marriage is more important but I wanted to put the politics out there to everyone.
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Originally Posted by Eli-Zor
Agree, if this is so her Company may not look so favourably on their affair, track his boss down and expose there as well. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by keko
Y, try to get her messages from her phone.
I downloaded the Blackberry app and I'll need to get the special cable. Any idea how long a backup takes. I wouldn't have much time to do it. Maybe grab it while she's showering if she doesn't take it in the bathroom with her.
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Need Guidance With Exposure and Execution of 180 
