ok wonderful! and one more question for tonight i hope..
how much time do i spend on this? ever since d day my mind has been on this..im tired of thinking about it..how much time and energy spent on this is too much?? thank you!
Well, this is where you get into what they call the 180. The link is below.
The 180 boils down to being the best person you know how to be. Eating right, getting plenty of rest, going on antidepressants if need be, getting fresh air, going for walks or getting exercise. Concentrating on being the best person you can be.
Now for a SAHM--and this is really tough to say to you, but this is how it could work--you stop doing his laundry, picking up after him, stop fixing him food. Make him fend for himself. You are NOT angry, mean, resentful, silent, a jerk. You are brisk, happy, just not very preoccupied with him...you are moving on and making plans for the next stage which may not include him.
You know what might blow him away--if he isn't used to this, and I suspect not--is to leave ALL the kids with him on a Saturday and take as much time as you can for yourself. Not sure if you're BF'ing and how long that could be possible, but it would be good if ALL the kids were there. Just give him a little taste of being a single dad. Because if you divorce, he is going to be sharing custody, and there are going to be times when this is what it will be like. The Healing Heart: The 180
And have you read this yet? It has sample NC letters and a handy table comparing remorse and rug-sweeping--you will see that perhaps YOU aren't rug-sweeping, but that he is. Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this
What is reaction to counseling?
What is he doing to PROVE he is not contacting her?
I have some more thoughts but will save them for a separate thread.