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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-30-2012, 11:21 AM   #106 (permalink)
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Your wife does not consider you the man she fell in love with so your marriage will be different. It rather funny that you ask her about an open marriage when she is having your child but you wont tell her you what you are.

You are as selfish as you ever were. You act in your own interest not your wife's. What type of man would bring up an open marriage to a pregnant women. That is as bad as confessing to your cheating on her.

You did not mention how your wife took your self serving plan. She must think you are quite the man - you have the nerve to ask her about having sex with others.

And all she did was refuse? She is good with you loves as much as ever. I doubt it. I really don't believe your story. Even a selfish man could wait 2 months to ask his wife about sex with others.

It amounts to telling her she means nothing to you but a broad mare to you. This your EA could not have been passed off as a simple no. She would have to be devastated at this point. She woukd have to be stressed. Yet you describe her as OK.

I don't believe this story. Why are you posting? To argue your point? To tell a story. What is the question? This sounds similar to other sensational post. You are looking for a reaction not advice.
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:28 AM   #107 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

if you wait for the right time to tell her, then you never will. There are always a million reasons why not to tell her at any given point. I was once told by a very important person in my life that if you cheat and it's onl once and you have no intention of it happening again, then you don't tell them. That telling them is actually more selfish then not telling them because your telling them to make yourself feel better, to relieve your guilt by hurting them. But seeing as how you have done it over and over and over then yeah i think you should tell her. Like the person earlier said if you don't then you will keep doing it because your not getting caught. AND don't lie. If she asks then tell her the truth. My husband was addicted to porn and hid it from me. We have moved past this but what hurt the most, more than feeling like i wasn't enough for him and that i wasn't attractive to him was the feeling of him lying, I gave him many many many chances to tell me the truth and he would lie and that broke the trust more than the action because it became well if he lied so easily then how do i know he isn't lying now. And coming from a woman, explain everything!! its going to hurt her, but break the dam all at once. Let it all out and be honest about everything, even if shes asks how you felt and if you liked it and where it happened because if you hold anything back then that starts a foundation for the mistrust again. Make sure to tell her how you feel about her and why you think you might have done it. and if you do feel that its a real problem you have offer that too her and let her know that you are telling her because you want to be with her and you want help.
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:40 AM   #108 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

21 to 10... 68%
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:41 AM   #109 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

Oh and although she hasn't posted my wife has expressed in debating your thread that she thinks you should confess - so I'll call that 22 to 10 or 69%...
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Old 04-30-2012, 11:46 AM   #110 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

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Your are here to collect pats on the back from other soulless ones like yourself. Telling her would let her decide what she wants for her self. Being as obscenely selfish as you are, you should be able to get that. She has a right to self determination, just as you had a right to decide to betray your marriage and your wife; she has a right to decide if she want's to put up with it. I don't often get as disgusted as I have gotten reading all this self serving slurry you have ladeled out. I think you would be better off single, frankly. I say that because you have demonstrated by both your words and actions that you are the only person in your life that matters to you. Let her decide what she wants! You are not "protecting " her. You are trying to evade the consequences of your own actions, and protected your right to continue to betray her behind her back. If you tell her, you will cut off that avenue and you know that. That is why you are sooooooooo interested in "protecting" her. This is my last post to you, Right now I feel like I need a shower, but you have given me a bit of perspective about my own situation. No matter what my H has done, I go down on my knees in gratitude to the higher power that my H is not anything like you.

Good point, Fallen, do you really think you would even be in a marriage right now if your wife knew what was going on before you married her now? you marriage is founded on lies and she will find out! better from you then from someone else
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:22 PM   #111 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

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Oh and although she hasn't posted my wife has expressed in debating your thread that she thinks you should confess - so I'll call that 22 to 10 or 69%...


Add me to that. Just about everyone has said what I wanted to say.
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:23 PM   #112 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

So 23 to 10. Gee we're up to 70% is that a consensus Fallen??
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Old 04-30-2012, 12:48 PM   #113 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

TELL HER ALREADY!!!!!!! In no uncertain terms. TELL HER.
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Old 04-30-2012, 04:02 PM   #114 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

I suppose maybe I did gloss over some of the comments encouraging me to come clean. I will go back and re-read this thread. I felt like it was 50-50 but apparently it wasn't. At the end of the day its my life and marriage and I have to do what is best for me and my marriage. The replies on this thread while helpful are not binding.

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Your are here to collect pats on the back from other soulless ones like yourself.
I'm not. I've said I was wrong from my first post. My name is "Fallen Man". I know I am in the wrong. I'm not looking for affirmation.

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You did not mention how your wife took your self serving plan. She must think you are quite the man - you have the nerve to ask her about having sex with others.

And all she did was refuse? She is good with you loves as much as ever. I doubt it. I really don't believe your story. Even a selfish man could wait 2 months to ask his wife about sex with others.
I didn't ask her for an open marriage. I'm not a fool. We were having a discussion and I mentioned it as something I thought was kind of interesting. She said it wasn't interesting to her and she would never go for it. I said I was joking and walked it back. She was kind of cross at me for a little bit but it blew over.

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If you wait for the right time to tell her, then you never will. There are always a million reasons why not to tell her at any given point. I was once told by a very important person in my life that if you cheat and it's onl once and you have no intention of it happening again, then you don't tell them. That telling them is actually more selfish then not telling them because your telling them to make yourself feel better, to relieve your guilt by hurting them.
I think I agree with this person. I am a changed person. I have fallen but I am rising as a better husband and person. I'm sorry that people here don't seem to have faith in me but I will not err again.

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TELL HER ALREADY!!!!!!! In no uncertain terms. TELL HER.
I've already stated that I wouldn't tell her during the pregnancy and I am inclined to not tell ever. I think this decision is not one that a number of you like. I'm sorry. I think I will cut down on my posting here anyways. The advice has been good and helpful but the judgmental comments has not. Thanks to all who gave me advice. You have helped.
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Old 04-30-2012, 04:15 PM   #115 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

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I suppose maybe I did gloss over some of the comments encouraging me to come clean. I will go back and re-read this thread. I felt like it was 50-50 but apparently it wasn't. At the end of the day its my life and marriage and I have to do what is best for me and my marriage. The replies on this thread while helpful are not binding.



I'm not. I've said I was wrong from my first post. My name is "Fallen Man". I know I am in the wrong. I'm not looking for affirmation.



I didn't ask her for an open marriage. I'm not a fool. We were having a discussion and I mentioned it as something I thought was kind of interesting. She said it wasn't interesting to her and she would never go for it. I said I was joking and walked it back. She was kind of cross at me for a little bit but it blew over.



I think I agree with this person. I am a changed person. I have fallen but I am rising as a better husband and person. I'm sorry that people here don't seem to have faith in me but I will not err again.



I've already stated that I wouldn't tell her during the pregnancy and I am inclined to not tell ever. I think this decision is not one that a number of you like. I'm sorry. I think I will cut down on my posting here anyways. The advice has been good and helpful but the judgmental comments has not. Thanks to all who gave me advice. You have helped.
you totally took what you wanted to hear from what i said and not what i actually said!!!!! i still said to tell her and you clearly made that mistake over and over and over!!!
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Old 04-30-2012, 04:25 PM   #116 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

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you totally took what you wanted to hear from what i said and not what i actually said!!!!! i still said to tell her and you clearly made that mistake over and over and over!!!
You said a very important person in your life told you NOT to tell them that it's selfish and hurtful.
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:28 PM   #117 (permalink)
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You said a very important person in your life told you NOT to tell them that it's selfish and hurtful.
That's if you did it once.... You did it an imaginable amount of times with 6 diff women... I wish I knew your wife, if tell her my damn self you pig
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Old 04-30-2012, 09:56 PM   #118 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife found out about emotional affair. There is more though. Do I confess or not?

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That's if you did it once.... You did it an imaginable amount of times with 6 diff women... I wish I knew your wife, if tell her my damn self you pig
I'm not married anymore.
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