underrain

My husband erased most of his texts between him and a coworker so i couldnt see but insisted nothing bad happened and was embarrassed to show messages because he was acting silly with the girl and complaining about marriage.
He took a polygraph and passed that he didnt love her or have sex with her.
Any one else have their spouse take a polygraph what were the results?
What was your spouses reaction to being asked to take one? were they guilty not guilty?

iheartlife

I should note that as I understand it from one of your 3 or 4 threads, that he is the one who took the polygraph with his own examiner--right? You didn't choose the tester and figure out the questions. (If so, this is bizarre.)

Again, it is soooo helpful to people here if you keep your questions confined to one thread, then people can see your background story and what others have said and questions you've answered and give you the best suggestions.

EleGirl

Polygraph tests are wrong about 25% of the time. I agree with iheartlife, the fact that he picked the polygrapher is of concern.

you have two choices now... insist that you pick a tester and your own questions.

Or believe (trust) and verify by putting a key logger on the computer, check his cell phone often etc.

To me, the fact that he was saying bad things about your marriage is a HUGE problem.

And no, I doubt I would ever take a polygraph. They are not allowed in court evidence because they not reliable.

__________________
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underrain

initially i picked the questions and the polygrapher and told him if he wanted to do it feel free because he insisted not me ! he used my questions with the polygrapher i spoke to weeks prior. ive spoken to the polygrapher and he says my husband passed every question i wrote. he says after speaking to my husband after the test it was jnust mere crush or escape in his opinion because he passed with no indication of lying in any way. nothing confusing or inconclusive. my husband was asked
Did you ever plan to leave your spouse during the affair?
did you ever tell her you love her?
did you think you were falling in love?
was your crush in your opinion fun and games and nothing serious?
Did you ever have any sexual encounters outside your marriage including kissing?

iheartlife

I'm linking your other 3 threads here. You can ask an admin to have some of them combined. Your other lengthier background should be added to a question like this so people can know all the information before answering.

Do you think my husband was in love with this girl he had an emotional affair with?

Am i over reacting about this emotional affair?

how to get the other woman to confess what my husband actually did?

underrain

one is because i didnt seperate. the others are different questions not really regarding my own experience?

EleGirl

You should have also asked if there was cyber sex and phone sex.

__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

underrain

ele girl why do you suppose this? by the amount of texts? there were lots of pictures being sent i seen on my bill there were. he doesnt remember what they were. he says he told her he was in the market for a biger home so she was sending him pics of houses but he is also sending her pics. also when he is home he is never alone so i dont think he could have cyber sex? he was also texting another girl who i know is sexually attracted to my husband and im sure my husband sent bad ones to her but this other girl they text all day like they are in love but pass a polygraph

sunshinetoday

I would say that poly means crap. It's what he does NOW since you caught him and he claims he loves you and wants it to work. For your own sanity and to avoid this going underground, you need to moniter him. Cell phone, email...get the passwords. You can't deny it to yourself and he can't lie when you have hard proof. The other girl has a bf? Well he has a right to know as well. Tell him what you know. A texting relationship like they had is not normal and not good for any marriage.

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underrain

ive already called the girl once and emailed her. im afraid if i contact her husband / or bf she might think im crazy and put a restraining order on me .... i would tell her bf if i knew i wouldnt look crazy.

arbitrator

Having worked for many years in the Fed, I think that polygraph tests have yielded some very good points, but with them comes an aura of unreliability. Largely, deception can be reasonably traced, but there's also some sociopaths who sometimes have been known to actually "beat" the test.

That's basically why most state laws, as well as Federal law, refuses to admit their results into evidence in a trial setting.

__________________
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sunshinetoday

It's time to stop worrying how you look. You can present the facts as you know them to her bf, and tell him you felt he had the right to know what you know! That's it, what he does with that info is up to him. Exposing will help the EA stop. If it's still going on, you have no marriage to work on.

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underrain

i dont know how to contact him? i know his name but there is no profile on facebook for him????

livnlearn

I would never ask my spouse to take a polygraph. If we ever reached the point where my husbands actions and words left me with such doubt and insecurity that I felt the only way I could believe him, was for him to pass a polygraph...then our marriage would be beyond repair already.

not saying you are wrong though...every marriage is different.

sunshinetoday

Then I would get a voice activated recorder and hide it in your husbands car. Besides, you say he works with this girl? He should have no contact with her. And total transparency with you. Sorry for you having to go through this, you are not alone!! and this doesn't mean the end of your marriage. But now everything has changed and you have to be able to know it's really over to move on.

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