My buddy has a Filipina wife and he rues the day he ever married her. She has cheated on him twice that he knows of and they have only been together 5 years. Posted via Mobile Device
Dude, that is ridiculous. What a dumbass thing to say. I doubt I will listen to anything you say on the board from here on out. Crossing you off.
My fww works with alot of asian chick. I'm going to racial profile here b/c I can. bandits right!!!!!!!!!
These nationalities are the ones that talk crap about the H BF at the drink stations (fWW is a bartender at a casino) they have a different view on there men.
They are either used or doing the using. But many have a mind set to get whats theirs and are very selfish...
Foreigners marrying to come to the states is a completely valid reason for higher infidelity rates. Agree with that. But this is also true with Eastern European women - it's not exclusive to Asian cultures. Also, bandits comment could be construed to mean women of Asian decent, not just women FROM Asia, and that's really offensive.
I was making an observation... one about a personal friend of mine and another from one of the other posters here on TAM. I was simply making an observation, not a conclusion. Both of these observations are facts, not conclusions about race.
For twenty-one years I've been married to a Mexican-American woman who cheated on me twice. Now do I think all Latinas cheat on their husbands, or that they cheat more than Anglo women? Of course not.
Also, before anyone asks, the reason I'm the one who left and she's the one in the apartment is simple. Even if she has shown she is heartless.... even though I am very angry and very hurt, I am not heartless. Her closest family is more than 6000 miles away. Her friends are being as supportive as they can, but after my swift and explosive exposure of the affair, they are hesitant to involve themselves. A lot of her friends are very unhappy with her. So, as much as I would love to have kicked her to the curb, I'm not that cruel.
This puts a different twist. What if she us in for R only because she has no other option? She knows she will be homeless if you kick her out. Hence she is in for R for the moment. The best thing would be offering her a place to stay until she finds a replacement even if she isn't in for R . her reaction should tell you enough.
I think I read this here, that the cheating is somewhat more acceptable in Latina culture(Husbands cheat, the wives are fine as long as they don't bring it home and the woman too cheat behind their backs to level the game)
This puts a different twist. What if she us in for R only because she has no other option? She knows she will be homeless if you kick her out. Hence she is in for R for the moment. The best thing would be offering her a place to stay until she finds a replacement even if she isn't in for R . her reaction should tell you enough.
I thought of that. I offered her a hotel room for the short term while we decide what we want to do or while we work on things. She didn't want to do that. She wanted to stay in our apartment and she wants me to move back in. I took that as a positive sign, as she could have easily taken the hotel room and I would have had no idea if she was continuing her A there or not (a comfy hotel room would certainly beat his car!)
She said she would quit if I asked her. I will probably do so, although that doesn't change the fact that her work is darn close to where we live. If she wants to continue it, it wouldn't be that hard to do so. In 3-4 months, if we survive that long, I would have the option to transfer to another office in my company. Would be nice fo have 400 miles between them.
We have another MC appointment on Tuesday. Depending on how that goes, I will decide how to proceed (and also determine whether or not I should keep this therapist)
Also, guys, I would appreciate if we didn't continue the racial conversation here. I do find it mildly offensive. No nationality or culture is any more inclined to infidelity than any other. People are people. Filipinas are not Japanese are not Latinas are not Elves. They can all cheat, or they can all be loyal to the last breath. An individual makes his or her own choices. Posted via Mobile Device
I really do appreciate your advice and concern. You have helped a lot.
Bandit, cheating is, sadly, universal. There is no race or nationality that is more prone to it, as far as I know. Also, my wife is not a Filipina.
Asia is a continent not a country. Wife could be from India, Bangladesh, Phillipines, Malasia, etc.
But more important, woman from those countries typically are more loyal to their spouses, its a bit suprising to me she has this type of behavior, and more suprisingly doesnt readily admit her actions were 100% wrong. I mean, it took you 2 hours to drill her the other day for her to break down and give up with her excuses??
Also, guys, I would appreciate if we didn't continue the racial conversation here. I do find it mildly offensive. No nationality or culture is any more inclined to infidelity than any other. People are people. Filipinas are not Japanese are not Latinas are not Elves. They can all cheat, or they can all be loyal to the last breath. An individual makes his or her own choices. Posted via Mobile Device
sorry! just read this after my post and I do not know how to delete posts altogether (if possible)...
but one more thing, you are right no culture is except from infedility, anyone, any human can do that what another human can do. I agree, individuals make his/her own choices
I am NOT defending her or doing any sort of rugsweeping, merely offering an explination for her behavior and delusions.
She doesn't 'fit the mould' for females from her country. She had a pretty troubling childhood. Both parents went to prison, so she lived with her emotionally abusive grandmother and then her aunt whose boyfriend molested her. Her mother cheated on her father, and her father (with permission from his wife's father) beat up his WS. Someone earlier posted that my wife is broken - that may very well be the case. That is why her going to IC is a condition of R. Her behavior is not excused by her past. She needs help in making the right choices in her life. Hopefully IC will help her turn it around.
I'm bipolar. Although I have never been unfaithful to my wife, I have done plenty of things in my life, including things in the last year, that lacked integrity. I can understand it without readily forgiving it. It hurts, a lot. All I've thought about for the last 6 days was how much pain I'm in and how much I hate what she did. I'd like to have my wife back - the pretty and hilarious woman full of life and wonder who would give me this look of adoration whenever she grabbed my arm. I don't know where she went - maybe she genuinely has checked out so early in our marriage, or maybe she just lost her way. I just want to find her again. Posted via Mobile Device
More often than not, if a spouse cheats while the marriage is young, they will do it again a few months or even years latter.
.
If they start cheating while the marriage is STILL young, imagine how much time there's in their hands to cheat a few years later.
Chances are they will cheat again and next time they do they'll be smarter and prepared to not get caught.
The risk is still there dauntless. There's no excuse for cheating but it'd be more understandable if she cheated 20 years later after marriage rather than the first 2 years.
What kind of love is that when she eagerly waits to open her legs to someone else as soon as she leaves home?
I thought of that. I offered her a hotel room for the short term while we decide what we want to do or while we work on things. She didn't want to do that. She wanted to stay in our apartment and she wants me to move back in. I took that as a positive sign, as she could have easily taken the hotel room and I would have had no idea if she was continuing her A there or not (a comfy hotel room would certainly beat his car!)
She said she would quit if I asked her. I will probably do so, although that doesn't change the fact that her work is darn close to where we live. If she wants to continue it, it wouldn't be that hard to do so. In 3-4 months, if we survive that long, I would have the option to transfer to another office in my company. Would be nice fo have 400 miles between them.
We have another MC appointment on Tuesday. Depending on how that goes, I will decide how to proceed (and also determine whether or not I should keep this therapist)
Also, guys, I would appreciate if we didn't continue the racial conversation here. I do find it mildly offensive. No nationality or culture is any more inclined to infidelity than any other. People are people. Filipinas are not Japanese are not Latinas are not Elves. They can all cheat, or they can all be loyal to the last breath. An individual makes his or her own choices. Posted via Mobile Device
Sorry dauntless - just had to defend my friends. The Phillippines is a Catholic nation - very anti-divorce religion - had to call out an ignorant comment.
I suggest you need to have her take a polygraph in the near future about the affair and it's end. I find it hard to believe she just ended it like test. Schedule it out maybe two weeks from now and make sure they ask if she has had sex with him since her husband left the appartment. That will show broken NC.
Look for a burner phone she has acquired since you get her phone password.
If you do R , tell her in 4-6 months she will be taking another polygraph about the affair continuing,
You want her to know if you R that you are not going to just go back to trusting her. That's ended for the forseabod future which means years not months.
Edited to add: I think she is playing you. She casually lied to you to carry on the affinity and did do without guilt or a twitch, she called you to pick her up, and then sent you away when she was told by him to be with him. That wasn't in the far past, that just happened. So I really doubt she is done with the affair. She is just lying in new ways.
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Re: Everything can change so quickly... 
