Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
Well, thanks to everybody, really.....the support has been a lifesaver for me.....not so much for the marriage, though...
I just can't do it anymore. He came home last night like nothing was wrong. No response to my letter. He went to get something for dinner and brought it home. We made small talk about American Idol, then I asked him if he read my note. He said yes and then changed the subject. So I gave up, asked him for money so I could have bus fare and figure out where I was going to go.
He gave me 260 that he borrowed from DD to give back to her, and four dollars for myself. (this is enough bus fare for 2 trips in my city) We got into it. He said he has tried everything and all I want to do is talk about problems and fight. I started yelling, "I don't even know how long this has been going on!!!" And he said, .........wait for it.....A YEAR. (He admitted to a couple months up until this moment.)
Started his usual "Why don't you just calm down" routine .....delivered, as usual, with a smirk. Then he walked out of the room!! GGGrrrrrrrrrr. I followed him and was LIVID... "You have been cheating for a YEAR??!!!" And off to the races.
I was crying and yelling and getting in his face, he was doing his usual disrespectful crap. It was horrible, absolutely a nightmare, just like all our other fights. He kept telling me to shut up and calm down, so of course, like a child, I yelled even louder, yelled at the top of my lungs.
I know, I know, I should have never done this, I know it was bad. He ended up putting me back in my place (yes, physically, told me to stop walking around the house trying to be dominant, broke the door off the hinges to the library-where I sleep, and this morning left without a word.
Its finally at rock bottom. Its over. I don't know why I am crying, but I am. I should just leave now that he is at work. But I lose my whole life and all my heirlooms, the baby cradle my Grandmother made that has been through 3 generations, my pianos, irreplaceable stuff. I've already lost so much. My heart is broken all over again.
Betrayed spouse never leaves. How in the world can I stand up for anything like that? He has all the money, I have nothing but this house and everything in it.