Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
My H is having such a hard time facing the issue that is breaking us up. I really am starting to feel bad for him. But I cannot move forward til we deal with it. I know it will just happen again and again. I STILL don't know how long he has been going to live cams or how far it went.
I understand that porn is a fantasy. But live cam to cam sex chat sites do not even seem like fantasy anymore. From what I saw, it was all very, very real. Women seeking men, men seeking women, etc. looked like a no strings sex hookup site to me. And if he didn't cheat "in real life", he was just about to...
3 months since dday, when I found out by accident. He has only admitted to what I found and not one ounce more. I don't know how you can have REPEATED visits to a site like this and have that be all there is. In any case, I still don't know why and without knowing why, how long, etc. how can I move forward?
When I brought it up tonight, he visibly wilted and said, "Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?"
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
That's the sort of thing wayward spouses say when they are just lucid enough to know "Stop bringing this up so I can rug-sweep, deny, blameshift and gaslight you more effectively!" would not be well received.
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan
That's the sort of thing wayward spouses say when they are just lucid enough to know "Stop bringing this up so I can rug-sweep, deny, blameshift and gaslight you more effectively!" would not be well received.
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
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Originally Posted by iheartlife
Because of the username change, I'm not sure if I've asked / had answered this question before.
Are you in counseling? Is your counselor trained in porn addiction? sorry if this is common knowledge re your situation.
Yes I have had a meeting with a counselor. He said he would do this also but hasn't yet. I don't think he has an addiction, though, because of medical issues first on his side, and then on mine, that brought sex to 0 last year.
Its the fact that he still seems to be keeping something hidden, afraid it will hurt me. I don't care if it hurts, I just want the truth.
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
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Originally Posted by Onmyway
Isn't that the truth, I think I've told my wife that same thing 40 times now.
Why do we keep saying this, onmyway??? There must be another way....
Just left a letter for him where he left one for me the other day.
i said, in part, "I don't want to FORCE you to reconcile. Its OK. Truth, Honesty, Love and Respect should be freely given, by each of us, as a gift. If your heart won't allow you to do this willingly, I don't want it. You are free to choose whatever you want to do, as am I. Everybody's Free."
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
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Originally Posted by ParachuteOn
Why do we keep saying this, onmyway??? There must be another way....
Just left a letter for him where he left one for me the other day.
i said, in part, "I don't want to FORCE you to reconcile. Its OK. Truth, Honesty, Love and Respect should be freely given, by each of us, as a gift. If your heart won't allow you to do this willingly, I don't want it. You are free to choose whatever you want to do, as am I. Everybody's Free."
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
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Originally Posted by Ingalls
I said same last night...I want to know it all...
You know, ingalls, et al. this is where most Rs break down, I think I read from an affaircare post. So, I am now working on a project called T or C's....
I am going to craft a letter called Truth or Consequences to give to WS. And forget about everything else I need for R. Because, afterall, without the real truth, whats the point of going on with it??
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
I still think he is addicted. I'm sorry but that's been my feeling from the start. He got in way over his head into this and now can't have a true relationship with a real live woman. These cam women are compliant. They do anything you want them to. They cater to your every whim just like strippers and hookers. Real life isn't like that. He can't deal with real life anymore.
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
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Originally Posted by Beowulf
I still think he is addicted. I'm sorry but that's been my feeling from the start. He got in way over his head into this and now can't have a true relationship with a real live woman. These cam women are compliant. They do anything you want them to. They cater to your every whim just like strippers and hookers. Real life isn't like that. He can't deal with real life anymore.
I know, B..... I am starting to get that idea also.
I really, really, really loved him.
Dammit, this sux.
I don't even want to embark on a bunch of years of sex addiction recovery, after my childhood, no I don't think I can be very "supportive", no matter how much I might try.
Re: Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this?
And it was amateur cams, not pros, so I guess that's what led me to think it wasn't fantasy anymore, but getting all to close to happening in real life....
don't know what difference it makes.
but its like AFF, people hooking up for no strings sex. I guess it really doesn't matter
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Don't you think I already feel bad enough about this? 
