jinba

Wow - I can totally relate. I was a stay at home Mom too. We have a daughter who has cystic fibrosis, so working and finding daycare was just too difficult - and her care came first.

When I found out about the affair, our daughter was a senior in high school. I muttled through so I could get her off to college - it was a huge deal to have her graduate and move forward with her life and I didn't want to do anything to take away from her joy.

About a year after she left, I went back to school and got an Associate of Applied Arts degree. I currently have my own graphic/web design business that I operate from home. I was 44 at the time, so going back to school was a challenge - but I did it for me - knowing that I'd at least have employability skills if he ever pulled that crap on me again.

So - don't think all is lost or you're trapped. You can take control and do what you need to for you. There's nothing selfish about that - plus, getting an education or training to make you more employable sends a great message to your kids - and it does wonders for your self-esteem!

Think about it - not saying this works for everybody, but it helped me a lot. Now I know that if my marriage falls apart, I'll be able to take care of myself - and that's a wonderfully liberating feeling.

iheartlife

amen!!!!!

Almostrecovered

I'm sure there are exceptions, but with HPV the warts either appear when it is a recent exposure OR the dormant virus gets triggered due to the immune system being compromised. (like high stress or another virus or infection)

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iheartlife

That's exactly what I thought, it concerned me when I heard it.

Jinba--how is the stress in your life right now?

jinba

Actually it was pretty low when the warts appeared - sounds like I have reason to be suspicious doesn't it?

iheartlife

Yes, I would be suspicious given what you've told us. It's tough because this "evidence" truly could go either way (old infection or new infection).

You still don't know who Kathy is, right? (or is the woman you see around town Kathy?) and no hard evidence of when he last slept with either woman, correct?

I think it's the fact that he did it with 2 women that is sending off alarm bells. IMO, serial cheaters are in a separate category of their own.

Almostrecovered

not to make too many assumptions, but HPV is rampant among prostitutes

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jinba

No - I still don't know who Kathy is - I may see her around town, but wouldn't know her if I did. Diane is the name of the OW that I know and see.

I really have no hard evidence of when he last slept with either of them (or anyone else for that matter) - only his word - which we already know is questionable at best.

Sometimes I wonder if "Kathy" even exists or if he pulled that name out of the air so I wouldn't single Diane out - could he still be protecting her??? Or is he worried that I'll make an issue of it?

I don't really know - but I did post her name to Cheaterville this a.m. and am strongly considering a letter to her H as suggested by another poster here. Totally exposing her will probably tick her off, but at this point I don't really care - I've suffered in silence long enough!

jinba

Well ... she does have the reputation of being the "town *****", so that would make sense.

Sad thing is, her H has a great job, they have a beautiful home, they've got three beautiful daughters ... why would someone who seems to have it all take the risks that she does?

Her H is a very devout Catholic - won't divorce her - and she knows it. So maybe she doesn't feel she's going to lose anything regardless of how she behaves.

michzz

It's rampant amongst the general population as well.

hurtingbadly

Especially if the wives' husbands are sleeping with strangers and prostitutes.

jinba

I think it is very common - I've read that a lot of people carry the virus and don't even know it - they have no symptoms.

What irks me is that I know I didn't have it prior to my H sleeping around. He got laid ... and I got HPV - and it's frustrating, but I can't change it - it is what it is.

hurtingbadly

The sad thing is you think you're married and in a monogamous relationship and you don't have to worry about contacting a STD.

jinba

Exactly ... it's not an easy pill to swallow. I think of people who contract STD's as those who participate in risky behavior. Then wham - the one person you love and trust most in the world brings one home.

Gabriel

I read somewhere that something like 85% of the population has some form of active or dormant HPV. It doesn't materialize in most people, but I guess a lot of people have it. This came from a medical website - so not sure if it's true, but it's a pretty common disease.