Divorce is Final Today and I'm Feeling Kinda Blue

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-27-2012, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bandit.45

Count,

Your ex-wife is a coward of the lowest class...

My mom walked out on my dad and my little sister and I when I was 6. She left my dad for another man. I never saw her again, and today, 39 years later, she has passed completely beyond my ken.

As a kid I blamed myself wondering what I had done wrong to make her want to leave. My dad had no idea how to deal with it, since he was an old-school cowboy who kept everything bottled up inside himself. My sister and I never had a chance to talk about the abandonement and process our grief.

Then as I got older, that self blame turned outwards and I became a mean, angry juvenile delinquent. I stole, fought, vandalised and when I was fifteen the Juvenile judge was getting ready to send me to juvenile DOC if I didn't straighten up my act. My dad intervened and threatened to send me to military school, and that woke me up and put me back on the straight and narrow.

But I never did deal with the abandonment, and now today it has taken an enormous toll on my psyche and my health.

If you do anything, please get your kids into grief counseling. They take blame onto themselves than you know, and I guarantee you they are hurting more than you realize.

Congratulations on your divorce by the way.

Bandit, thanks. I think grief counseling is a good idea for the kids. My daughter and my wife are still very close and go to church together on Sundays. My son is a harder read. He's content to play xBox with his friends and watch sports on TV.

I make it a point to do special things with both of them to keep that familial bond. Should I ask them if they need counseling? I don't see visible signs that they're feeling abandoned but teenagers don't always show their feelings.

bandit.45 · 04-27-2012, 02:39 PM

It's better if they are older. I was under the understanding she was gone completely. I guess if she has some presence in their lives that is better than nothing. My mom was g-o-n-e for good.

67flh · 04-27-2012, 03:23 PM

count, it may of cost you 150 big ones,but you got something that no money can buy...seeing your kids ever morning and night.on that aspect your life is so much richer.

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-27-2012, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 67flh

count, it may of cost you 150 big ones,but you got something that no money can buy...seeing your kids ever morning and night.on that aspect your life is so much richer.

67flh, you are so right. Just last week, she dropped my daughter off from church and I was finishing up folding the laundry. This is something that she used to do and I think deep down she misses it (and other motherly things around the house.)

Now she's free to live the single life of a cougar in heat. But like someone mentioned in another thread, the casual sex will soon get old -- as will she. And she won't have a loving family to come home to.

Interestingly, in my desperate attempt to get her to stay after dday, I showed her a patent application that I had made for what I think is a million dollar idea. She was so fogged up that she didn't care. Quite frankly, I was surprised that she didn't try to include it in the divorce settlement.

She probably thought it was just another one of my hare-brained schemes, but I think she just wanted out as quickly as possible. Like my namesake, I think I might just have the last laugh. (At least from a monetary standpoint.)

Funny thing is I would gladly trade whatever future wealth I have coming for what we used to have.

keko · 04-27-2012, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count of Monte Cristo

Funny thing is I would gladly trade whatever future wealth I have coming for what we used to have.

You're a good man C.

It'll be hard to watch close one's crash and burn but having the last laugh should make up for it.

bandit.45 · 04-27-2012, 05:00 PM

My wife is on the Crazy Cougar Train to hell too Count. Breaks my heart. I know some of the pain you are feeling.

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-27-2012, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bandit.45

My wife is on the Crazy Cougar Train to hell too Count. Breaks my heart. I know some of the pain you are feeling.

Crazy Cougar Train.

(I'm laughing to keep from crying.)

shazam · 04-27-2012, 05:42 PM

Not to be a jerk, but why in the world would you marry a woman who dumped you for an old boyfriend?

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-27-2012, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shazam

Not to be a jerk, but why in the world would you marry a woman who dumped you for an old boyfriend?

Fair question. I guess the fact that we were both nineteen when she did it played a major factor in my decision. Plus getting back together eight years later and living together for two years before getting married.

Hindsight is 20/20. I don't regret marrying her. Out of our union came two wonderful kids and countless joyful memories.

ing · 04-27-2012, 09:03 PM

@bandit EX WIFE!!!

Count. I am at the position where I can finally file the Divorce and it is a very bitter sweet feeling. I feel for you man and I am not looking forward to the day of the final decree.

he thing is. You won. There is nothing as important as being with your kids. My oldest is 17 . It goes so fast. Money, home, love of partner They are nothing to privilage of seeing our kids in the morning. I have 50/50 and a bit more since they hang out with me after school .
Good luck with your new life

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-27-2012, 09:16 PM

Ing, Thank you. Bittersweet is an appropriate description of today's event.

I do feel victorious. My kids did not have to be uprooted from their home. Even though we have shared custody, they will rarely - if ever - spend a considerable amount of time at her apartment. This has been their home for the last six years.

I also plan on making the few years that I have with them before they go off to college filled with great memories that they'll cherish the rest of their lives.

chapparal · 04-27-2012, 09:16 PM

It amazes me your wife still goes to church. I've heard two or three pastors discuss infidelity lately and am wondering what her pastor is telling her to do. I don't see how she could be forgiven if she contiued with the divorce and refused reconcilliation.

Good luck and prayers for your family

Chap

bandit.45 · 04-27-2012, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

It amazes me your wife still goes to church. I've heard two or three pastors discuss infidelity lately and am wondering what her pastor is telling her to do. I don't see how she could be forgiven if she contiued with the divorce and refused reconcilliation.

Good luck and prayers for your family

Chap

Pfft. To some Christian women like his wife the Bible is written in pencil.

Count of Monte Cristo · 04-27-2012, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chapparal

It amazes me your wife still goes to church. I've heard two or three pastors discuss infidelity lately and am wondering what her pastor is telling her to do. I don't see how she could be forgiven if she contiued with the divorce and refused reconcilliation.

Good luck and prayers for your family

Chap

Thanks chap. Yeah, the churchgoing is a mystery to me also. But I've learned that some of the biggest sinners are those who attend church on a regular basis.

I don't go myself and I knew that my ex would've liked for me to do so. Ironically, during our marital woes (pre-dday), I even offered to start attending church with her. But suddenly she didn't think it was such a good idea.

hookares · 04-27-2012, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count of Monte Cristo

Thanks chap. Yeah, the churchgoing is a mystery to me also. But I've learned that some of the biggest sinners are those who attend church on a regular basis.

I don't go myself and I knew that my ex would've liked for me to do so. Ironically, during our marital woes (pre-dday), I even offered to start attending church with her. But suddenly she didn't think it was such a good idea.

Maybe her pastor has his own ideas in regards to infidelity?
Every one of them I ever knew pretty much picked and chose which of the many teachings they considered to be "the word".