frazaled

Just looking for a little advise from some of you that have gone through this.

our 20th wedding anniversary is later this year and originally we were going to have a big party and try and get our whole wedding party back together .

However I now feel that I could not handle that while R is going really good I feel like the last year of my marriage was 1 huge lie.

I suggested we go away for the weekend but I am worried I will be such a mess.

Now while hubby is being great he hasn't worked this out thinks its great that I want to go away for the weekend (not something we do very often as we have 6 kids) when truth be told im just not sure I want to celebrate it at all.

This really dose do your head in , just when I thought we are doing really well the OW try s to contact him again (he showed me the msg straight away and never answered her) and it has got at me all over again I know that was her aim wants me to know she is waiting and watching and I am just letting her win by letting her in my head but its much harder then I thought it .
would be.

So do I hide in a hole for the day or week of our anniversary , will I be this emotional mess that I fear I will be ....to everyone its 20 years and special and yes they all know what's happened but as he didn't have sex with her so they think I should be over it already (family not hubby) Im just so unsure.

ilovechocolate

Hi,
Had more or less had same conversation with H last week - our 25th anniversary next year and my daughter has already started planning a party! H said he did nt think it would be good idea cos he s ruined the last 2 years (13 month affair/fall out since d/day etc).And some days I do feel like that it would be false to celebrate but the way I ve reasoned it (at the moment) is 24 years of marriage v 13 month affair and I m hoping to celebrate the fact that we ve got over it and come out the other side.
Ok you may feel like the last year was a lie but 19 years v 1 year?
Do you have to decide now? Can you put it off a little longer?People who ve not had to go through being a BS (emotional/physical) will not understand - you can t heal to some one elses schedule .

Will_Kane

So do I hide in a hole for the day or week of our anniversary

You will have ups and downs. As time goes on they will even out. It's important to forge ahead and continue with your life.

You don't have to have a big party with the wedding party, and you don't have to go away for the weekend, but I think it's normal to acknowledge the day, even if it's only with your husband and your kids in your own home.

frazaled

thanks guys I do think Im going with the 19 years v 1 year and that we have made it through . I was more worried that I would make it miserable for everyone else but my kids and hubby are the only ones that really matter and they will understand.

the guy

On my 20th anny with my FWW;
I invited the party and some showed some didn't, but as I stood there and looked over the small crowd of 10 poeple (2 were our kids) I realized it wasn't so much about the celebration for 20 yrs but the commitment my fWW and I made to heal our selves and start a new marriage with different poeple.

I'm not sure were I'm going with this but for us, our anny wasn't a celebration of 20 yrs but a introduction of 2 different poeple, in a new marriage, that are now muturer and wiser then they were so long ago.

To me it washed away all the abuse and infidelity. The 20 yr anny was more of a baptism, then a celabration of abuse and adultory that went on.

I hope it makes sense, b/c me and Mrs. the_guy have come a long way, and I hope you and yours do the same.