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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-28-2012, 05:07 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

If you want the truth you will have to find it your self.

Get the VAR and place it in the car, you didi mention that conversations were taking place but that there rare so the VAR will take some time.

Hire a PI expensive but well woth it

Don't use your own car to follow her, in fact it's best you get a friend to to this, your do emotional and will push the limits to follow her and it will get you caught.

Get a GPS if you don't have the support I mentioned above, this will give you a better chance to track at a distance. Locating her car after 2AM there is a good chance she not going anywere soon.

Plant some hidden cams in the house.

Take some time off of work,rent a car, get a hotel, tell your working out of town for a week, follow up on the bartenter, he;s your best lead, following him 1st may give you a better idea when and were your WW will be after you get more details on him.

Alot of work brother, that why its expensive for a PI.
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:08 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

It also sucks cuz when we have good nights this past week and I don't get upset, we have really good nights. She also says I love you still and things actually seem to be improving as long as I don't bring all this back up. But then when she didn't want to come home tonight I got all upset again and although I feel it's warranted, if I go to the bar to confront him and find out nothing but suspect he's lying from how he says it, then all I've done is ruined any chance with my wife that she isn't lying. I know there isn't really 1 sign pointing to her not cheating, and it's foolish for me to think that, but isn't there at least a chance that she was just down about our marriage and he gave her something other than sex that made her feel good about herself. But deep down she knew it was wrong so she couldn't tell me since she wanted to keep doing it. Sure, it probably would have resulted in an affair but maybe it didn't and I'm just worried if I go to this stalker status and get caught then I've lost all her trust as well and at that point, I would agree, whats the point of being married if you have to go to that level?
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:11 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

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I know there isn't really 1 sign pointing to her not cheating, and it's foolish for me to think that, but isn't there at least a chance that she was just down about our marriage and he gave her something other than sex that made her feel good about herself.
As hard it is, you have to play dumb husband until you can find hard evidence of an affair or not.

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Old 04-28-2012, 05:13 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

Ok here's what went down today. You ruined her night tIme hookup so she met with him this morning for daytime sex together.

Get those panties. Watch her when she comes home tonight. Want to bet she needs a shower or else is freshly showered already? Try making a move on her and see just his quickly she rejects you.

Btw. She may still try to pull the too drunk to come home card.

You need to find this gf and where she lives. I'm betting she's home while your wife is out.
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:16 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

Hire a PI to follow and check up on him and her. They will get the goods if there are goods to get. Watch for unexplained missing time and sudden changes in plans like today's babysitting

Get a gps installed in her car along with a var in it
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:22 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

If you want answers you will need to quitly do it your self.

Confront with out proof is a waste

Find some one to follow her, Get the GPS , get the VAR, if you have to get a PI. THis will eat at you and eat at you. years from now even if she changes her behavior and is a great wife for the 20 years, you will have this question eating you up.

At the very least get the answers that will help you move on....with or with out your wife.
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:24 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

has any one not told OP anything other then what we are telling him post after post?
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:31 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

Well, now you know why her friend is getting divorced and your WW walked right through the same door.

I agree that she needs to be tailed tonight.

How old are you guys and how old are your kids? Who was the second number she was calling frequently?
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:33 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

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Orgy going on maybe?
This is a bartender we're talking about. What do you think?
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:36 PM   #40 (permalink)
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This is a bartender we're talking about. What do you think?
The other las vegas guy. Everytime I see toxic friends and a bar involved fist thing that comes to mind is that.
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:41 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

The only good thing from that thread is RG got the whole truth from WW when he confronted her with hard facts and real thruths.

That guy had lic. plate numbers and addresses, everything need to blow his WW out of the water. That basic info just made his WW come clean.
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Old 04-28-2012, 05:44 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

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It also sucks cuz when we have good nights this past week and I don't get upset, we have really good nights. She also says I love you still and things actually seem to be improving as long as I don't bring all this back up. But then when she didn't want to come home tonight I got all upset again and although I feel it's warranted, if I go to the bar to confront him and find out nothing but suspect he's lying from how he says it, then all I've done is ruined any chance with my wife that she isn't lying. I know there isn't really 1 sign pointing to her not cheating, and it's foolish for me to think that, but isn't there at least a chance that she was just down about our marriage and he gave her something other than sex that made her feel good about herself. But deep down she knew it was wrong so she couldn't tell me since she wanted to keep doing it. Sure, it probably would have resulted in an affair but maybe it didn't and I'm just worried if I go to this stalker status and get caught then I've lost all her trust as well and at that point, I would agree, whats the point of being married if you have to go to that level?
Look, your wife is lying and it's all about sex. Or more correctly, the chemicals unleashed on the brain when a woman has sex with a new guy and secondarily and subsequently, the feel good chemicals in the guy's semen that get absorbed through the vagina (and possibly sublingually) that elevate her mood and help create a bond. In practice, it doesn't matter whether she's banging him for the raw sex or the chemistry, both trains go through the same tunnel.

Don't get offended, but you're going to have to start thinking with a little craftiness, which you haven't done so far. I know it's tough since your marriage is in a death spiral, but you have to think a few moves ahead of your wife. You're one of the guys that is going to need iron clad proof, since your are rationalizing away the proof you have, and that's why you need to actively try to catch your wife and her lover(s) in or near the act; for your own piece of mind first, and to shut down her denial machine second.

Implement all the previous investigatory suggestions tonight. Plus the tail, either yourself or someone else. Do you have a video camera? Put it on a tripod in the back seat floor of your car to record the events. Don't do any confronting at the bar where the OM works. Don't even go in there, just be there when he walks out the door. Do you know what he even looks like?
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:35 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

She knows you are watching her calls and is now in stealth mode. You can see your wife now is like a drug addict and can't stay away even when you know what she is doing basically. Unless you follow her or have her followed she will continue to be one step ahead at all times. If you you can't/won't then file for divorce and expose....this has a sobering affect on cheaters.
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:47 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Need advice for how to approach wife

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Sure, it probably would have resulted in an affair but maybe it didn't and I'm just worried if I go to this stalker status and get caught then I've lost all her trust as well and at that point, I would agree, whats the point of being married if you have to go to that level?
You just do not get it. Sex or no sex with the OM, the other man (OM) has a relationship with your wife that is inappropriate just by virtue of the secret communications. Sex or no sex with the OM, getting drunk at bars and coming home at 3am is not acceptable behavior in a marraige. Sex or no sex with the OM, your wife is spending too much time with a toxic friend that is getting a divorce and is using your wife as her wing-man as she hunts for men. Sex or no sex with the OM, you wife told you that she sees you as more of a friend or buddy rather than as her husband, this is cheaters code for I love you but an not in love with you. Your marraige is in big trouble already, so you need to stop letting your fear of taking the wrong action stop you from taking any real action, because doing nothing will eventually mean the end of your marraige anyway.

In marriage proving that your spouse has not had sex with some else is not a prerequisite, for you demanding that she start acting like a married woman. Demand the following:

1) Full no contact (NC) with the OM.
2) To verify this NC, she must give you full transparency with phones, computers, text messages, etc. Tell her that you will give her the same full transparency because, except when going to the bathroom, married people do not have a right to privacy from each other.
3) No more acting like a single person and going to bars etc without you.
4) Since the toxic friend that is getting a divorce was party to her relationship with the OM, and is using her as a wing-man as she hunts for men, she must end her relationship with this toxic friend now.

As it is heading now, your marraige is probably over. Taking action now is your best chance at saving it. It may already be too late, in which case you will finally know and can move on.
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Old 04-28-2012, 06:58 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Easier to just have a friend follow her from the house, then you can leave a few minutes later and go to where he tells you to meet him. That shouldn't arouse suspicion like you trying to leave the exact time as her.

Tonight will probably not be a good night. If you find her with OM, do all you can to fight the urge to crack his skull...you'll have an assault charge filed on you. If you see him and want to confront them, fine. But do it as calmly and quickly as possible. Tell her "You lied to my face...I'm done with it. Don't come home. You don't live there anymore." Then tell OM "You can have her, good luck." Maybe add "c0******** " to the end of that for good measure.

If it were me, and I caught them together tonight, I would probably not confront, just go home and pack her a bag to put by the door...and then go dark.
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You need to put her stuff in a garbage bag put it on the porch and text her to get it. Buy new locks at lowes and change them. Text her that her key no longer fits.
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