Everyone here is sure she is in an affair but you really have no proof. The only thing you can prove is that your wife is an idiot who likes to go out and get drunk.
You are in effect saying that unless he has proof of her having sex with the other man (OM) her actions to date are acceptable and should be allowed to continue. They are not. Her current actions are out of line for a married woman and are reason to take action in and of themselves. Waiting for proof of cheating is also waiting until it is too late to save the marriage. What if he would like to try to save his marraige before she crosses the line of no return and not after? The fact that he has no proof of her having sex with the OM may mean that she has not done it yet. If she has not, she is certainly heading there, and the sooner he takes action to stop it the better.
Why do so many posters seem to want to have after the fact proof that their marraige is over before taking action, when taking action and stopping inappropriate behavior early is the only way to have a chance at saving a marraige?
Up to this point, he lied about every single thing and I realized it was a completely useless visit
Rookie mistake to confront the OM. Everyone tries to reinvent the wheel when it comes to breaking up an affair. I made tons of mistakes myself, so I can hardly blame you. It's just frustrating to watch it play out live, because many of us want so much for you to learn from our mistakes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by help_me_2001
If I broke the marriage up, perhaps that scares him and makes him realize he would be done with her?
I'm not very surprised. Let's see, he met your wife at a bar, where he was searching for the love of his life...
You should take full advantage of this bit of information. Although we can't be certain that this isn't a lie too (see above) more likely than not he was just using your wife.
Unfortunately, we have no idea what his standards are for 'nothing worth getting a divorce over.' An ONS? A BJ? While these may not be dealbreakers for you either, I don't think you can use this as evidence for what your wife did, or did not, do.
It's still possible she didn't cross the finish line. But you are right, you must take all of the evidence as a whole and brace yourself for the worst.
So option 1 go off and shout your mouth off demanding answers (this things goes no were and WW justifies way she wants out)
option 2 go dark and investigate how far gone WW really is ( it take time and alot of pain but you get the truth to have an effective confrontation)
option 3 screw the truth file monday get her served and see if she changes before the D is finalized. (best way to make WW face the consequnence and she stops behaving this way...but no truth)
That will be a waste of time as he has already been warned that you may call or contact him.
DO NOT CONFRONT ANYONE UNTIL YOU HAVE PROOF!!!
Everyone here is sure she is in an affair but you really have no proof. The only thing you can prove is that your wife is an idiot who likes to go out and get drunk.
...and lie to his face about it. Posted via Mobile Device
Why do so many posters seem to want to have after the fact proof that their marraige is over before taking action, when taking action and stopping inappropriate behavior early is the only way to have a chance at saving a marraige?
Because they may take it underground.
You and I might not be fooled by this, but OPs are desperate. They want so badly to trust and believe that their spouse is still the same person they married. They too often buy, hook, line and sinker, "nothing happened," or "you're controlling" or whatever works to keep the OP under their thumb.
No one is saying sit back and let them have at it for weeks on end. Just don't jump the gun so fast because of how newly betrayed OP psychology works. We just keep seeing it over and over. it is so depressing.
We've honestly had sex this past week on 2 different nights. First time in a really long time that's happened to be honest. And in all honestly, it was really good sex, hard to explain but it felt like it was way more than just having sex, which is what really gave me hope. I think I walked away from the bar feeling good because of what he he had said at the end, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if he would just say that because he really doesn't want anything more than what they have. That or my wife has made him think the only way they keep going is if it stays a secret. If he really was an honest guy and my wife is just the absolute worst liar in the world, I still think he would have just been honest from the start and admitted to texting and her being at his house. He still never admitted to the truth about how she came over by herself, he never gave into that even though he did finally say after my wife's girlfriend left she stayed. But if that was the truth my wife never would have lied and said she went by herself as that sounds so much worse, so I know he was just too afraid to admit it in case I was just bluffing or something. I've talked to my wife in the past hour through texting and she is upset and now isn't sure she is even coming home. Of course now I just wonder if that means she is going to talk to him tonight and feels the need to apologize. The last text I got said I'm not answering any of your texts for a while just so you know. It's all F'ed up and I don't think I can take it anymore. No matter how crazy I am, and everything I've done to want to steal her phone, look up her texting, confront her boyfriend, there is no way she can put the blame on me and that's what keeps happening.
Yea but the OP is too beta. He can't even say NO to his wife for going out until early morning. I bet once she finds out he visited the OM she'll be busting his balls.
Well it did take stones to go talk to the bartender. It just depends on what the bartender thought when OP left. Was he laughing or wondering if he should be watching his back.
Yea but the OP is too beta. He can't even say NO to his wife for going out until early morning. I bet once she finds out he visited the OM she'll be busting his balls.
We've honestly had sex this past week on 2 different nights. First time in a really long time that's happened to be honest. And in all honestly, it was really good sex, hard to explain but it felt like it was way more than just having sex, which is what really gave me hope. I think I walked away from the bar feeling good because of what he he had said at the end, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if he would just say that because he really doesn't want anything more than what they have. That or my wife has made him think the only way they keep going is if it stays a secret. If he really was an honest guy and my wife is just the absolute worst liar in the world, I still think he would have just been honest from the start and admitted to texting and her being at his house. He still never admitted to the truth about how she came over by herself, he never gave into that even though he did finally say after my wife's girlfriend left she stayed. But if that was the truth my wife never would have lied and said she went by herself as that sounds so much worse, so I know he was just too afraid to admit it in case I was just bluffing or something. I've talked to my wife in the past hour through texting and she is upset and now isn't sure she is even coming home. Of course now I just wonder if that means she is going to talk to him tonight and feels the need to apologize. The last text I got said I'm not answering any of your texts for a while just so you know. It's all F'ed up and I don't think I can take it anymore. No matter how crazy I am, and everything I've done to want to steal her phone, look up her texting, confront her boyfriend, there is no way she can put the blame on me and that's what keeps happening.
Tell her her stuff is in the front yard, she wasn't coming home any way, she just had not figured out the excuse yet. Coming home that late isn't any better than not coming home. A wife going out like she is isn't interested in your feelings or your marriage. In other words, you are married and she is not.
We've honestly had sex this past week on 2 different nights. First time in a really long time that's happened to be honest. And in all honestly, it was really good sex, hard to explain but it felt like it was way more than just having sex, which is what really gave me hope. I think I walked away from the bar feeling good because of what he he had said at the end, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if he would just say that because he really doesn't want anything more than what they have. That or my wife has made him think the only way they keep going is if it stays a secret. If he really was an honest guy and my wife is just the absolute worst liar in the world, I still think he would have just been honest from the start and admitted to texting and her being at his house. He still never admitted to the truth about how she came over by herself, he never gave into that even though he did finally say after my wife's girlfriend left she stayed. But if that was the truth my wife never would have lied and said she went by herself as that sounds so much worse, so I know he was just too afraid to admit it in case I was just bluffing or something. I've talked to my wife in the past hour through texting and she is upset and now isn't sure she is even coming home. Of course now I just wonder if that means she is going to talk to him tonight and feels the need to apologize. The last text I got said I'm not answering any of your texts for a while just so you know. It's all F'ed up and I don't think I can take it anymore. No matter how crazy I am, and everything I've done to want to steal her phone, look up her texting, confront her boyfriend, there is no way she can put the blame on me and that's what keeps happening.
They are both liars. Stop trying to analyze why they would lie - accept that everything out of her mouth (and his) is a lie.
So now she is so upset she doubts that she will come home. Do you want to guess where she will spend the night? At his pad.
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Re: Need advice for how to approach wife 
I made tons of mistakes myself, so I can hardly blame you. It's just frustrating to watch it play out live, because many of us want so much for you to learn from our mistakes.
it is so depressing.
