I wouldn't expect anything less from a father with the welfare of his kids in mind.
In most states custody goes 50/50 unless some agreement is reached or one spouse can be proven to be a danger to the children.
He mentioned she works at a daycare. She might be more favorable in front of a judge, for a higher percentage. That is of course from what info was given.
If you own the house together you cannot legally lock her out - so be careful there. If her name is on the deed or the mortgage, talk to a lawyer first. But there is nothing that says you cannot pack her stuff and put it outside the door.
He's an owner, he can change the locks. He may be forced by the law to let her in the house, but that's another issue. In any case, it's to make a point.
He's an owner, he can change the locks. He may be forced by the law to let her in the house, but that's another issue. In any case, it's to make a point.
Yeah - you're right. Maybe I should have said "kick her out".
He can always say the locks were old and he just had not had a chance to give her a key since she is never home.
Just to valadate your stance in this matter, it is very rare that being nice ever works out. I think in a small way you have been acommidating and reasonable.....BUT YET IT CONTINUES!!!!!!!!!
The step you take from here on out have nothing to do with proof of cheating or what ever, it about *you* taking a stand that this is not the marriage you want.
You can not control her and she is more then welcome to have a marriage with this kind of behavior, but for you it does not cut it and and will not tolorate it any more.....that you do have control over and it will be up to her to make the choice on what she see's as a healthy marriage.
A health marrige is not this....at least for you. Again its her choice to do what she wants and in what she believes is a healthy marrage, just like you can do what you want in finding someone that share the same value.
After all this and what you just posted, its no longer about her behavior it is now what you will tolorate as a man that just wants a healthy marriage with a women that share that same value.
It realy is the bottom line, what she does from here on out is up to her and what *she* wants out of *her* marriage.
You my brother have made a stand not for her but for you and yours.
Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.
yeah, I think you are all right. I did tell her if she didn't come home right away that we were done. That was an hour and a half ago, and I agree, I know where she is going tonight. Even if she does come home I know she's going to that bar to see him. A part of me wants to go and wait in the parking lot to see when she goes there, and another part of me has realized that wont' change anything other than allow me to know I left a woman who was already cheating on me. I don't think I need the proof anymore. And I know an earlier response said the hardest part wasn't that she was having sex, but knowing she loved the other guy. I agree, I honestly think the sex part is hard enough and not sure if I'd leave her over it or not, but knowing she doesn't care one bit about stopping and being in our family even within a week of me finding everything out. It just proves how much she needs him and this new lifestyle she has. I wish her well when she asks her new guy that will laugh in her face when she asks him if she and her 2 kids could move in with him. I'm going to step up and pack her bags tonight, and this is my house and my family now. Thanks to everyone for the honesty no matter how brutal it sounded, I always thought it would be so easy to leave someone who cheated on me, but turns out its so much harder than it should be.
So I won't get into the details of what I did in the case that my wife were ever to find this forum, but I finally got my proof tonight that she went and saw the guy even after everything that happened today...I texted her at 4am and said her suitcase is packed outside, all the doors are locked, and the garage is disabled, you are not welcome at my house anymore. I don't think she actually has keys, we just use the garage. For the first time, she sounded desparate and realized how bad this is going to suck for her and continued to text even after I said I have to go as I have 2 kids down the hall that are counting on me in a couple of hours. She still claims they haven't had sex, as if holding on to that last little bit of information makes all the difference. Obviously she has, but even worse, the fact that tonight still just HAD to happen proves how this marriage was never going to work. She is begging to stay at the house until she finds a place to live to which I replied, "you need to ask your guy if you can have half of his bed, our credit cards are now cancelled and we will have 2 checking accounts come Monday. Your life is about to get real, and I don't think you are prepared for it, but I did everything I could to prevent tonight from happening and you still left our family." I do appreciate everyones comments to help me see the light, and I finally feel better, it's nice to get closure even when its the worst closure you could have ever imagined. Without this forum, I don't think I would have had "the balls" to do what I did tonight. Thank you
"you need to ask your guy if you can have half of his bed, our credit cards are now cancelled and we will have 2 checking accounts come Monday. Your life is about to get real, and I don't think you are prepared for it, but I did everything I could to prevent tonight from happening and you still left our family."
Well done. I think you finally have her attention.
I would suggest you "go dark" on her for the rest of the day.
Ignore all her attempts to contact you.
Expose her affair to both of your families today. Make this your first priority. Just a short call to each of your and her parents and siblings to tell them that she is having an affair, that you gave her a choice to choose you or the affair partner, and that she chose the affair partner. Tell them who the affair partner is but do not give them the gory details. Do not tell your wife you are doing this. Expose the other man to his boss. This may or may not do any good, but let the boss know that his employee is sleeping with married women with young children that he is meeting on the job. You can hint that he has some legal exposure for allowing this to continue via alienation of affection, whether or not this is true might not matter as just the thought of such a thing may be enough for him to reprimand the other man. If you know the other man's family, expose to them as well.
Next, find a lawyer. Call first thing tomorrow and make an appointment to begin the divorce process ASAP. You can always stop the process if you decide to reconcile. Find out your options, your rights, and how you should proceed in the short term.
Before your appointment, separate finances, cancel joint credit cards, etc.
Purchase a voice-activated recorder. This is very important. Your wife sounds very volatile. She also sounds very selfish and spoiled. There is no telling what she will do. Use the voice-activated recorder to record all your conversations with her. This will protect you from any false accusations from her.
At this point, your wife may be willing to do whatever you want to reconcile. If you go this route, you should tell her her you are proceeding with the divorce and will stop the process if she complies with your requirements for reconciliation. At a minimum, I suggest the following: Tell her you need complete honesty - she writes down for you a timeline of the affair and comes clean with all details you ask for. No contact - she agrees to no contact with the other man, directly or indirectly, including looking at his Facebook profile and she handwrites to him a no contact letter stating how horribly ashamed she is of her behavior and how terrible she feels for having risked her marriage and family, which mean more than anything in the world to her, and that if he ever attempts to contact her again, she will file harrassment charges against him. Tell her if he tries to contact her again, she must not respond and must tell you immediately. Complete transparency - she gives you complete access to all communication devices and accounts, she doesn't delete anything going forward, she lets you know her whereabouts 24/7, no more going out with anyone who is not a friend of your marriage.
Tell your wife that you know you have been a doormat for a very long time. Your wife was walking all over you. I am shocked that you stood up for yourself the way you did. Your wife will be shocked. Your wife is used to manipulating you into allowing her to behave in inappropriate ways. She is very selfish and spoiled. She feels entitled to do what she wants while you stand by and wait for her, ready to take her back. This mindset will not change overnight. She will snap out of it temporarily, but revert back to it. She may agree to your conditions for reconciliation but then immediately "test" them. Let your wife know that the days of you being a doormat are over.
Cheaters lie. Once caught, they lie even more than before caught. Assume going forward that all your wife's words are lies. Believe only her actions.
"you need to ask your guy if you can have half of his bed, our credit cards are now cancelled and we will have 2 checking accounts come Monday. Your life is about to get real, and I don't think you are prepared for it, but I did everything I could to prevent tonight from happening and you still left our family."
Well done. I think you finally have her attention.
I would suggest you "go dark" on her for the rest of the day.
Ignore all her attempts to contact you.
Expose her affair to both of your families today. Make this your first priority. Just a short call to each of your and her parents and siblings to tell them that she is having an affair, that you gave her a choice to choose you or the affair partner, and that she chose the affair partner. Tell them who the affair partner is but do not give them the gory details. Do not tell your wife you are doing this. Expose the other man to his boss. This may or may not do any good, but let the boss know that his employee is sleeping with married women with young children that he is meeting on the job. You can hint that he has some legal exposure for allowing this to continue via alienation of affection, whether or not this is true might not matter as just the thought of such a thing may be enough for him to reprimand the other man. If you know the other man's family, expose to them as well.
Next, find a lawyer. Call first thing tomorrow and make an appointment to begin the divorce process ASAP. You can always stop the process if you decide to reconcile. Find out your options, your rights, and how you should proceed in the short term.
Before your appointment, separate finances, cancel joint credit cards, etc.
Purchase a voice-activated recorder. This is very important. Your wife sounds very volatile. She also sounds very selfish and spoiled. There is no telling what she will do. Use the voice-activated recorder to record all your conversations with her. This will protect you from any false accusations from her.
At this point, your wife may be willing to do whatever you want to reconcile. If you go this route, you should tell her her you are proceeding with the divorce and will stop the process if she complies with your requirements for reconciliation. At a minimum, I suggest the following: Tell her you need complete honesty - she writes down for you a timeline of the affair and comes clean with all details you ask for. No contact - she agrees to no contact with the other man, directly or indirectly, including looking at his Facebook profile and she handwrites to him a no contact letter stating how horribly ashamed she is of her behavior and how terrible she feels for having risked her marriage and family, which mean more than anything in the world to her, and that if he ever attempts to contact her again, she will file harrassment charges against him. Tell her if he tries to contact her again, she must not respond and must tell you immediately. Complete transparency - she gives you complete access to all communication devices and accounts, she doesn't delete anything going forward, she lets you know her whereabouts 24/7, no more going out with anyone who is not a friend of your marriage.
Tell your wife that you know you have been a doormat for a very long time. Your wife was walking all over you. I am shocked that you stood up for yourself the way you did. Your wife will be shocked. Your wife is used to manipulating you into allowing her to behave in inappropriate ways. She is very selfish and spoiled. She feels entitled to do what she wants while you stand by and wait for her, ready to take her back. This mindset will not change overnight. She will snap out of it temporarily, but revert back to it. She may agree to your conditions for reconciliation but then immediately "test" them. Let your wife know that the days of you being a doormat are over.
Cheaters lie. Once caught, they lie even more than before caught. Assume going forward that all your wife's words are lies. Believe only her actions.
Solid advice, expose her affair, as for the OM expose far and wide , don't mess around he is a predator on your marriage so make sure his family , friends , coworkers and any one else you think will effect his life are told . Shatter their lie and show them up for who they are .
Be ready for some heavy begging, grovelling and worse, retaliation. Have someone with you when she comes to meet you. She might well as try to provoke you. And don't even doubt it, she had sex with him.
Nw expose to friends and family that she is cheating with a loser bartender and you gave her the boot. Do it fast before she tries to spin more lies. Posted via Mobile Device
No, they are our kids. I just know she will try to keep them as well, but trust me I will fight for our kids until the very end. They are my entire world and always will be.
Good job standing up for yourself and your kids. Do everything said by the previous posters. File for D, and if she chooses to reconcile then let it hover over her head like a big hammer.
And do not let her back in that house the first time she comes back groveling and crying. Remember she has become a master manipulator and is playing you even now. She needs to either move in with OM or slum it on a friend's couch for a couple of weeks, but do not let her back home until she has done some heavy work to earn the right to do so.
Or until she gets smart and has the cops force you to let her in. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Need advice for how to approach wife 
