Have you been given this book list yet
Married Men Sex Life +blog
His Needs Her Needs
Five Love Languages
You need to read all of these if you continue your relationship with your wife or any other woman. Rarely does a satisfied woman wander but it does happen..........rarely.
This is the carrot, the reason why she should come back to the marriage.
But the carrot is only offered on certain conditions that MUST be met:
full transparency (all passwords, accounts, phones, computers open to you)
no contact with the OM, starting with a handwritten letter of no contact that you deliver certified mail
I strongly recommend that you tell someone she respects, her parents for example, what has happened, not the details, just explain that she has cheated on you--they are your ally in holding her accountable
I will add one caveat to chap's point about a satisfied woman (btw, I am a woman). I suppose it's true for mentally healthy, normal average women.
But there are some women who are tremendously needy. They roam the world seeking validation of their sexual attractiveness, and because they can never get ENOUGH validation from one person, they continue to seek it with multiple men. If a woman is like this, it's because she has serious self-esteem issues and needs serious counseling. There's no guarantee that she will be "fixed" or that she'll believe that she's loveable if she's just with one man. In that case, no amount of working on yourself, or the marriage, will help her.
That's why good counseling is important. The trouble is, some counselors believe that the affair is caused by the marraige. A bad marriage can open up vulnerability to an affair, but it is NEVER the cause of the supremely selfish choice to cheat. Other counselors just ask if the affair is over, and then ask the spouses to discuss the problems in their marriage. But they don't hold the cheating spouse accountable for the gaping wound in the loyal spouse's heart. So the key is to find a counselor trained in infidelity.