I have been married for nearly 7 years and have 2 children. My wife and I have had our ups and downs typical of any marriage, and most of our friends have always thought of us as a wonderful combination that could make it through anything from talking to them. However, over the past 2 months I started to notice a big difference in my wife's behaviors. She started going out with a girlfriend who is going through a divorce and staying out until 2am nearly every time. She always claimed it was to help her friend through her tough times, but I just had a bad feeling as it was happening 3 times a week, oftentimes weeknights and she works at a daycare and gets up at 5:30am. Her behaviors with her cell phone during this time also concerned me as she was constantly texting all night long and seemed very secretive. Her phone was never out of her hand or pocket and whenever I was sitting next to her and a text was received she immediately had to go to the bathroom or stand up to go "charge" her phone and then would read and respond. When I called her on it, she got terribly defensive and wouldn't let me see her phone. She said it was just with her girlfriend from work and I had no business seeing what they talked about. Then one Saturday night, her best friend and family came from out of state to visit. Apparently my wife tried to get her best friend to go out with her all Saturday, but her friend wasn’t up for it as they have 2 small kids as well and she went to bed around 11:30. Immediately after, my wife told me she was leaving to go out for a drink and just left. It was at that point, that I truly felt she was having an affair. When I got upset about her going out all the time, she just told me going out was fun and she enjoyed it and that I should go out more too and she felt bad for always making me feel bad for going out with friends occasionally. She also said she was feeling like we were more friends or buddies than husband and wife. When I looked up what this means, all online sites seemed to say this meant she found someone else.
Then one day I went online to check the phone records and my heart sank as I saw she was constantly texting 2 different phone numbers. I snuck her phone away from her and saw one of the numbers was a man’s name. I immediately asked her about it and she said it was just her girlfriends brother in law who is the bartender at the bar who gives them free drinks and is just a friend. I asked her if she had ever been to his house and she said just once with her girlfriend for 5 minutes to get free movie tickets, but swore our marriage that she had never been there any other times. Then I took her phone and went to a friends house to talk to him. I don’t really know why I took her phone, but it was just an emotional moment and I didn’t want her to be able to confide in him while I was gone. When I came back, I said I don’t believe your story and there is no way he is just a friend as the phone records showed 30-40 texts every single day for the past 3 weeks, not one day was ever missed and typically my wife is the one who started the texts each day. She finally admitted that one night her girlfriend was having a big fight with her husband so she left and texted the guy to see if she could go to his house to watch a movie. She said all that happened was he put his hand on her leg but she removed it. Then later that night I checked her Facebook and noticed she had sent some messages to her girlfriend asking her to warn the guy that I had her phone and that she was worried I would try to call or text him from her phone. She admitted several times that she’s pretty sure this is it and we’re getting divorced. Definitely nothing that seemed to make it seem like I was overreacting or even anything that said I think my husband is assuming the worst that I cheated. However, there was also nothing in there that concretely said I figured it out or anything other than her girlfriend did say “oh no, hopefully (the guy) doesn’t say anything”, which sure seems bad to me.
Then a couple days later she said she talked to her best friend (same friend who had visited a week earlier) and told me she told her everything and felt sorry for the first time and seemed a lot different. We had a great night and I truly thought change was coming. After a couple of days I couldn’t get over it still so I called her best friend and just asked her to explain to me why I shouldn’t worry. The second I asked why shouldn’t this guy concern me, she immediately stopped me and said she was never told anything about a guy. She was rather upset that she was lied to as well and never even knew my wife had left that Saturday when they were visiting. She just thought I was jealous of her going out with her girlfriend and had even told my wife that she should stop going out with her and work on us, and that was without even knowing about a guy and just thinking I was perhaps letting it get to me too much. My wife has stuck to her story and I told her I talked to her best friend and she has since admitted to her best friend everything she said to me. She seems to be different and wanting change for the most part. For the past 2 weeks, she has always planned on going out with her same girlfriend who got her in this whole mess today (Saturday) and staying over at her house tonight. Earlier this week I said if you do that, don’t come home and we’re divorcing. She thought that was ridiculous and said she was going out and wouldn’t be treated like a prisoner in her own home for the rest of her life. I said this isn’t for the rest of our life, but I just found out everything within a week ago so this is too soon. I finally said you could go out today and shop all day with her and go out tonight as long as you come home to sleep. She was pretty upset but finally after I basically demanded it she agreed, but said it would be late (2-3am) and she’d have to get a cab because she’d be drinking too much. She has never had to get drunk like this before in her life, she has fun partying and will get drunk when she doesn’t have to drive but has never had to be like this before. Now here I am, reading posts on this site and finding stories that are much too similar to mine that say she is cheating without a doubt. At this point, I don’t know what to do, how to get the truth or if I ever will. Do I just leave or tell her to leave, or do I confront the guy since I know where he works at least? I just want the honest truth so I can decide how to move on with our family. I have even told her I can deal with the truth if she cheated and it doesn’t necessarily mean I will leave, but I can’t deal with what I have been told up to this point.
Also, when I did finally take her phone, all texts had been deleted and since last weekend when I did this she has continued to delete all texts. She told me she did text him last Sunday evening to never text back anymore and so far, they have not texted each other again, but she is texting her girlfriend even more now. Of course, right after telling him they couldn't text anymore, she deleted the texts rather than showing me to prove that's what she said.
That realy sucks. She is in the "fog" and no where near ready to quit what shes doing. She should not be going out with the friend of hers AT ALL. That friend is an enemy to your marraige. There are a multitude of changes she must make to stay with you. Stand up for your marraige and dont *****foot around here.
I believe it does, but I had read online that Verizon has some lock on all their phones to retrieve deleted texts. I couldn't really find anything else that made it seem like it was possible either.
I believe it does, but I had read online that Verizon has some lock on all their phones to retrieve deleted texts. I couldn't really find anything else that made it seem like it was possible either.
Do you have a card reader? On the net there are some extractor's that can get deleted texts.
She is following the cheater's script to the letter.
Just a friend or other girls relative (yeah right. He is her lover).
No I have never been to his house. OK I went there once to watch a movie alone with him (she went there for sex.)
You are controlling and holding her prisoner. (You are getting too close to exposing her secret life and does not want it to change.)
OK I'll she will come home, but not until 2-3:00 AM. (Are you kidding me.)
I think you have enough evidence to ensure that she is cheating on you and you know who she is doing it with. No need to confront the OM because he has been warned. That is why she got so upset when you took her phone. She was afraid you would call him and he would say something that did not agree with all the lies she has fed you. Also why she sent the FB message to her GF to get her to warn OM.
If you have to get concrete evidence. Activate the "Find My Phone" App on the iPhone. It will give you the address of where she is.
Get a VAR (voice activated recorder) and velcro it under the driver's seat of her car. Maybe get another one to place in the bedroom or bathroom of your house (where ever you see her run to when she want to be alone with her phone.
She is using her GF to communicate with him and arrange the dates and hook-ups.
Have you tried to back up her iPhone oh a computer. You will need iTunes installed on the computer. Then when you can sync the phone. It will recover at least a month of deleted text. Other here can give step by step instruction.
She is now taking everything underground. You need to back off a little and act as if you are OK with what she is doing now.
Start your snooping. She will slip up and then you will know everything.
Good luck
Edit: Whoops - sorry - I thought she had an iPhone.
She is in an emotional affair at the very least with this man and using the toxic friend as a cover.
Do the text snooping according to what the folks here tell you to do. If I were you, next time you know she is going out, trade cars with a friend and follow her. See where she goes.
Take pics, gather evidence from texts and e-mail, scrub her computer of ever bit of info you can. Don't make a move until you have concrete proof she is cheating. Then confront... and be ready to show her the door.
You realize that she is going to have sex with him today right?
She had hoped to make it an all night sleep over with the friend covering for her.
Do you know where the guy lives or his phone number? If so you need to get someone to watch your kids tonight while you go check up on her at his place.
My guess is the gf is covering for her hooking up. Sit outside the guys house and see if she shows up there.
The other thing to do is check which under wear she wears out tonight both before and especially after. See if you can grab them from the laundry and have them tested for sperm
I'm sorry but there is no way she waited for her friend to go to bed and then headed out if there was no affair going on. He called her and told her to meet him that night Posted via Mobile Device
It's not an iPhone, so I don't know if those apps exist for her phone or not. She never makes phone calls, its literally all done with texting to her friend and never one call was made to the guy throughout everything. But I agree, I do still feel like she is going through her friend to talk to him and set stuff up, I can't help but not to think that. Why won't she just leave me, I don't get it.
It's not an iPhone, so I don't know if those apps exist for her phone or not. She never makes phone calls, its literally all done with texting to her friend and never one call was made to the guy throughout everything. But I agree, I do still feel like she is going through her friend to talk to him and set stuff up, I can't help but not to think that. Why won't she just leave me, I don't get it.
She has the security of marriage from you and the fun of sex with other men.
Start seperating finances, removing her names from credit cards/bank accounts, put valuable items in a safe. Do these under the radar without tipping her off.
Sorry to say but just from what you wrote your marriage has been off for a while and she has no interest in fixing it. Take the matters into your hand and start protecting yourself.
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Need advice for how to approach wife 
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