My personal opinion on exposure--is to tell the people who have the power to bear on the relationship. I.e., family and friends who the WS respects and loves. People outside of that, at this initial stage, don't need to be informed.
The point of exposure if you're trying to reconcile is to gather forces around you who love the two of you and support the marriage. Not to tar and feather her and run her out on a rail.
My personal opinion on exposure--is to tell the people who have the power to bear on the relationship. I.e., family and friends who the WS respects and loves. People outside of that, at this initial stage, don't need to be informed.
The point of exposure if you're trying to reconcile is to gather forces around you who love the two of you and support the marriage. Not to tar and feather her and run her out on a rail.
sorry if I've misunderstood anyone--
Even if she rejects no contact at first. The pressure from her family and friends after the exposure might shock her out of her fantasy.
And yes, the exposure should not take place until she has said yes or no to no contact. Again, do not use it as a threat. Do not say if you do not come home I will expose to your family. This is something you are doing to try to protect you and your marriage. Do not tell her you are going to do it.
And yes, the exposure should not take place until she has said yes or no to no contact. Again, do not use it as a threat. Do not say if you do not come home I will expose to your family. This is something you are doing to try to protect you and your marriage. Do not tell her you are going to do it.
The problem with this is, she very likely is already planning and feeding twisted truth and lies to her family. Exposure should be done immediately since OP already confronted her and doesn't need to waste anymore valuable time.
Just by her response's its clear she has no intention being back in the family. She needs a hard shock, now.
i know he is ready to commit to her, but we still have two kids that i would find hard to believe she is ready to put them through that. i my be naieve on this point as well, but i have to have faith she still has a little heart for something with so much to lose. my goal is NC and snap her out of this fog.
Yes, you are naive. This happens ALL the time. Yes men are amazed by this. I would be too but having children does not seem to impact affairs. It is most often the man that has to do the adapting. He is most often the one who has to visit the kids.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
The problem with this is, she very likely is already planning and feeding twisted truth and lies to her family. Exposure should be done immediately since OP already confronted her and doesn't need to waste anymore valuable time.
Just by her response's its clear she has no intention being back in the family. She needs a hard shock, now.
doubt it. when you say everyone you mean kids included? seems harsh.
It will be harsh when she tells the children you are the bad guy and that Uncle OM is a great guy and that they love them more than you and so on. Go with the truth.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
is there a sample exposure letter somewhere? should it be snarky like be sure to congratulate the new couple or just factual and pray for our family in this difficult time.
main points:
affair confirmed with this guy here is his phone number if you would liek to reach him.
Something along the lines of, "I recently confirmed my wife xx has been in an affair with yy. In fact they are currently enjoying a wedding package at zz inn."
NO snark. I wouldn't even mention the wedding package.
Here's the thing. It's just the way things work. Her family especially is going to try to see if there's some reason why she would do this to you.
You would be handing them that ammunition on a silver platter with snark or sarcasm.
No!
You are the walking wounded. Speak from your soul. You are appealing to them: one human being to another who loves your wife and loves you and your marriage.
Short and to the point, no extra details, no ammunition that is going to come back and bite you in the butt. No one out there is getting a chance to say you deserved this.
Can I just say, I am so sorry countryboy. The thought of having your W being gone, away from you with an OM, defiling your marriage, is just so horribly awful.
When the hell is she coming home? You two need to talk.
is there a sample exposure letter somewhere? should it be snarky like be sure to congratulate the new couple or just factual and pray for our family in this difficult time.
main points:
affair confirmed with this guy here is his phone number if you would liek to reach him.
my wife can be reached at this number.
it saddens me to announce that...
Read the newbie thread it has the templates there:
I agree with most of what's been said - R with NC or D in particular. In my opinion she gets no other choices. She didn't give you a choice did she? If she wasn't 100% committed to you and your marriage, shouldn't you have been given the opportunity to work on whatever was wrong? Cheaters never seem to give their spouses that option because they're only thinking of themselves and their happiness.
You're in a tough situation because of the children, but don't stay together for their sake - kids can spot disfunction in a heartbeat and I'm sure you don't want them growing up in a home without love - meaning love between their parents. That sets the foundation for their future relationships - and if you continue in a disfuctional marriage, they'll likely experience the same when they grow up.
Don't be snarky. And only expose what you do know and have confirmed. You have confirmed nothing about the wedding suite so don't even go there. Keep the message on point and direct.
And expose before she gets home. When her plane lands she should have a hundred voice mails from angry family and friends waiting for her. This will take alot of the wind out of her sails and give you the emotional advantage.
Send your recievers deep, stay on the offensive. Do not play a defensive game with her. Keep one step ahead. You should be calling and talking to a lawyer now. Take time off work today if you have to.
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Re: advice needed about an emotional affair 
