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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » advice needed about an emotional affair

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-01-2012, 03:53 PM   #211 (permalink)
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Default Re: advice needed about an emotional affair

I think 95% of what goes on here is speculation.

OPs come here FOR speculation. They lay out their case of how their spouse is acting with specific incidents and ask for an opinion from people who have walked this road before them and the opinions provided are pure speculation based on similarities. (They are proven correct more times than not - but still speculation).

Short of a confession by a spouse or catching them in the actual act it is all speculation. I call it playing the odds, call it "if it walks like a duck", call it " my spouse was doing the exact same thing as your spouse and this is what I eventually found out".

So really every one here speculates and when the OP goes silent, it's hard to stop.
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Old 05-01-2012, 05:27 PM   #212 (permalink)
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Default Re: advice needed about an emotional affair

You may be right - I just don't feel that his silence should be construed as something so negative - it isn't fair for us to talk behind his back and assume the worst - like he's "in jail". He was upset, yes - but we really know nothing about the type of person he is or whether or not he's capable of any sort of violence toward his wife or the OM. This type of thinking (and posting) could hurt his feelings and further damage his already low self esteem.

Think about it - his life is crumbling and now some of those he felt he could turn for support and encouragement think he's in jail - just not constructive in my opinion. But, like you said we do speculate and offer opinions - so I guess I'm learning that anything goes here - which I have no control over - so I'll just choose not to participate.
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Old 05-01-2012, 07:08 PM   #213 (permalink)
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Default Re: advice needed about an emotional affair

Go back and read Shamwow's story. Sounds familiar. You could take some pointers from him.
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:07 PM   #214 (permalink)
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Default Re: advice needed about an emotional affair

jinba,
Come on, if you don't particapate, then there is no check and balance to this forum. We count on guys like to keep guys like me in line.

I think OP diserves to see all the different perspectives and advise that is offered, at the end it is OP life to deside on the information in front of him, the hard part is making the choice on whats best b/c of all the different thought and mind sets on this forum.

Sorry for the threadjack OP
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:42 PM   #215 (permalink)
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Default Re: advice needed about an emotional affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by jinba View Post
Think about it - his life is crumbling and now some of those he felt he could turn for support and encouragement think he's in jail - just not constructive in my opinion. But, like you said we do speculate and offer opinions - so I guess I'm learning that anything goes here - which I have no control over - so I'll just choose not to participate.
jinba, you have a perspective that others would find very useful--you are reconciled with your husband and in a confident, good place. (Not saying your life is perfect, but then whose is?) You just wrote a kick-a** letter to the OWH telling him his wife probably has an STD (sorry if she slashes your tires BTW). You have plenty to add so don't take offense.

There is a lot of male jostling in the threads started by husbands, but it is a masculine way. If someone called you or me wimps for not manning up we wouldn't take it kindly. But we're not guys, and this does work for many if not most guys. They get these men to focus on concrete steps, and you can see how much it lifts them out of the worst of their depression, gives them something to control when so much of their life is spinning out.

The reference to the OP being in jail is because many men lose it entirely when being confronted with the OM and despite being otherwise good, kind, loving husbands and law-abiding citizens, their emotions overcome them and they beat the you-know-what out of these people. Of course these comments in this thread are wild speculation. But that is all it is.

I don't mind posting in the threads for men despite the locker-room atmosphere, and you shouldn't either. Now if we could just get more of these guys to post in the women's threads now and then, that would be an accomplishment...
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Old 05-01-2012, 11:06 PM   #216 (permalink)
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Default Re: advice needed about an emotional affair

CB,

You out there?

If you can just let everybody know you are ok.....

HM64
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