Since you have proof that the EA has been going on for several months, put yourself in the shoes of the OM. Why would he be telling a married woman that he is in love with her? You know the answer - he has one goal in mind and that is not friendship.
If they have gotten together on a trip over the last several months it is almost a certainty that he has made some kind of move on her or at least suggested they should take their "love" to the next level. Have you questioned her about that, if he has tried to talk her into bed?
PA or not, she cannot commit to your marriage if she is still in contact with him. She may want to stay married, but why? So she can keep her babysitter at home while she travels and parties? If you do split will that impact her job?
You have a long road ahead. Do not take the "head in the sand" approach.
If you know his name and address find out if he is married, and if he is, contact his wife. You are now in a fight to save your marriage and family. Don't hold back.
They are in love and you are allowing them to be alone together.Really......
What will you do if you get your married AP alone for a trip together? will you talk all night and say goodnight and go to sleep in your room?
My wife an i have been married 13 years and have two kids. Recently I figured out and confronted her about an emotional affair she was having with a business partner. I know they met in the fall of 2011. Best I can figure by old texts and voicemails is that it turned into an emotional affair around Christmas and continued until March and that is just a guess. Lots of "I love yous" back and forth and that sort of stuff. She swears that nothing physical happened. As a guy, I can't comprehend that kind of dialogue with nothing physical.
Right now I'm lost on whether continuing to support her business and the interaction required. Out of town trips and so on. We have always had an upfront, totally honest, no game playing marriage. Her character has been beyond reproach until recently which has really been the hardest part.
Am I being naive to let this continue with the promise of its over? Am I being a fool to think that nothing physical occurred? I plan on meeting him soon, while traveling with my wife, with a keep your friends close and you enemies closer strategy.
My wife says she wants to stay married and is so sorry about hurting me. I believe her, but I can't shake the doubt in the back of my head.
how many "i love yous" are there? is there anything else that grabbed your attention from the exchange of communication? How did her voice sound on the voice messages- sexual, lustful, etc?
Also, you say they are business partners... has the business been a succesful one? maybe during the whole profiting of the business dealings, they have become very close "as partners" and the I love you's aren't anything sexual but mutual successful business people resulting from their profitable experience. I dont know if that makes sense??
Anyhow, yes the I love you is inappropriate, but you need to be sure in what context these words are being used in. In any relationship outside of marriage, no woman or man should express these words, but it might be harmless banter used after closing a big deal (in their business).
you do not owe him a no hard feelings speech. he sent I love you's to your wife. NO, she cannot have anymore dealings with this man. So you need to grow up and lay it down to her. Her business takes her away from home, well its time to hire sales people. can't afford it. to bad. Oh, have you seen the Doc report about the breathing problems, is that what she said ?? Is her medication over the counter, or perscribed.
cb, I had an EA very similar to this and if left unchecked it's catastrophic. Your wife thinks she is in love with this guy!! Mine never went physical, we had plenty of sex, but we were never actually in each others presence. Could your wife's have gone PA, absolutely if they had proximity. If they were saying ILY and had the ability it's more likely than not. In reality it doesn't make a whole lot of difference on her end (on yours I understand it's huge) your response and plan are the same.
If you both want to save your marriage she has to go total no contact, it has to effectively be for her like the OM died. No contact must be that absolute. There is no negotiating or plan B on this. Remember she thinks she's in love with this guy, there isn't room for both of you so you better be damn sure the OM is thoroughly and completely kicked out of her life consequences be damned.
Don't pay too much attention to what she says, as has been said, cheaters lie (remember I've been there). Pay attention to her actions they will tell you much more. I cannot overly emphasize how serious this is having been neck deep in one. Do not treat it any less seriously or with any less urgency because you currently think it didn't go PA. Your wife has let another man into her heart, that's a big deal.
For what it's worth, just so you know it is possible to recover from this. Today my wife and I have a better marriage than we did before my EA. it's a long tough road for both of you but don't give up because it is possible. Fight for your marriage!!