sigma1299

I've been out of your thread for a while cb so if I'm covering old ground my apologies.

In regards to your post I quoted above - never underestimate just how far up their own ass a person in an affair can get their head - it's quite alarming actually. My point is that your faith may very well be misguided. Affair fog twist a person's perceptions so badly that they can convince themselves of damn near anything.

Have you read of what's called "walk away wives" here? It's just what it sounds like, a wife who comes home one day, looks at her husband, and gives him the keys to her whole life - kids, house, marriage, all of it; and walks away to be with her AP. It happens. Hopefully your faith is not misplaced and she'll come out of it, but be prepared for her not to or at least to put up a hell of a fight.

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countryboy

my main focus now is my kids. its up to her whether she wants to work it out now. i will find out tonight. NC or D. no compromises.

keko

Keep in mind of a possible false R. Some WS's give the impression of wanting to work on the marriage, but secretly keep tabs on the affair partner.

countryboy

so this exposure letter goes to anyone and everyone we know. it reads something like this:

WS and AP have opted to start and continue an extramarital affair. I have given her the option to cut ties and come back home to her family. She has chosen her AP. Needless to say this is a sad time in my life and her two children. Please pray for us in this time of hardship.

Also what do you tell the kids? i'm thinking the truth and nothing but the truth. "Mommy chose to live with another man. The road ahead is tough, just know i love you."

Almostrecovered

the kids need to know it isn't their fault and that they will be loved and cared for

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keko

But make sure to notify your and her family/friends before she comes back. I would bet she is already planning the lies she will feed to them.

countryboy

i'm prepping the letter now. you don't think i should let her make the NC choice? that seems more logical. once her mind is made up, i press send. she will underestimate me on this. her family is already assuming bad behavior on her part due to these trips.

the guy

I suggest that you mention in the letter that you have "confirmed" an affair.

I also think that you could wait until you ask to NC, then send it. If she agrees and there is a fake R then send it. If she chooses OM then send it. This may be a card worth playing after you guys talk

I haven't read your thread so I should get caught up. I may come back with different advise.

countryboy

so if she does not agree to NC say if thats how it is i will inform everyone that this is over because of your affair. again when do the children find out...is affair even mentioned to them?

keko

You have to let everyone know the affair so there will be pressure on her to drop the affair. If she doesn't face consequence's you wont have much chance at true R.

If her family is assuming some bad behavior I would wonder if her siblings/cousins know of the affair already.

countryboy

doubt it. when you say everyone you mean kids included? seems harsh.

keko

No not the kids.

Dont you think its harsh she cheated on you and her family? Probably is still doing it right now?

keko

Everyone as in people that know you and her so family and friends.

TDSC60

No, do not tell her that you are exposing her affair if she refuses no contact. Just do it. Do not give her time to twist the truth. Exposing the affair is to get her out of the affair if possible and if not then it is to help you heal from the divorce.

As for the kids - if they are old enough to understand what an affair is, then the truth is what they get. If they are not old enough, just tell them that Mom will not be in the home any longer but they will be with her when her job allows it. They might accept that because she travels so much now.

Good luck.

Edit: Just noticed. Don't say "her two children" in the letter. Make it "our two children".

kenmoore14217

It's called going "Nuclear" CB. You expose to EVERYONE fast and furious BEFORE your wife knows what you are doing. You don't negotiate with a WW and say if you don't do this or don't do that I will expose! BS on that, do it now, get it out in the open...........