Entropy3000

She is not stopping now. What good is this? You fear she will go underground so you allow her to have her OM? The key is to stop an EA early. Time is your enemy. make it clear this is unacceptable. If she goes underground, then cut her loose. Allowing her to have another man is enabling her and makes you look weak and unattractive to her.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

Martin12

We just had a nice discussion on Skype, others were around so we did not talk about the issue, but she was nice and loving.

I am sanguine about this for several reasons. First, she comes from a shame/taboo culture where having a PA would not only be a big step, but would change her own opinion of herself negatively. Second, she is well aware of the strong possibility that he is just manipulating her to get some on the side and something he always wanted but never had and once that happens will leave the scene again. Third, when she complained about my emotional distance and said she was thinking of leaving, I warned her that what she thought would happen might not happen and that there would be a fair division of assets. Fourth, she knows I have the OMW's contact info and could drop that bomb any minute.

We are in our late 50s, not kids anymore and have been around. I don't think it's a lack of self respect not to react in a dramatic and possible counter-productive way to this.

keko

Is she working back home? If she isn't have her live with you.

Living seperate for long times is the reason she is seeking other love(s).

Martin12

Yes, she is working back home and where I work is not a place where spouses stay, it's a harsh and isolated environment.

I know that living separate is a problem, but she didn't seek this out, he contacted her.

I was thinking that I could contact him and tell him to cut it out - or I would contact his wife.

keko

Do the bolded part only.

Martin12

Why? I thought I'd give him a chance to back off before nuking him (and her, an innocent party).

Eli-Zor

Your actively supporting a lie by not exposing to his wife and leaving her to a world of pain.
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Martin12

Ignorance is bliss in some cases. It's harrowing right now for me, but I don't think this is going anywhere, or at least very far.

keko

That's correct, affair's have a very small "success" rate. If they were to meet in person more than likely he'll use your wife for some time and leave her when your heat gets onto him.

keko

Opposite actually, you keeping this away from his wife is supporting the affair. Expose at once and hard.

onthefence210

Just beware that lying comes easy to those who don't want to get caught. If u just let the OM wife kno that there's a friendship to be aware of...it shouldn't be a big deal on either parts if that's all it is.

Martin12

I admit I am angry today because she did not reply to my email laying down some rules and asking about their contact.

I am trying to keep cool, but I almost called OM or OMW this morning (would have been 2am their time).

snap

Warning the OM will only serve him to make up a story about friend's crazy husband to his wife in advance. Don't.

Expose the affair to OMW, you are not there but she is. You lose nothing with that.

Shaggy

Do not ever warn or even contact the OM. It only comes back haunt you.
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PBear

I would also caution you about feeling confident you know the whole picture. It takes all of about 3 minutes to set up a new email account you know nothing about, and about the same to buy a pre-paid phone. If she decides she wants to continue with him and hide it from you, you'll be in the dark.

C
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