Martin12

Told me about credit card charges for a hotel and dinner for at least 2 by her husband on a date and time where my wife had said she was there "staying with a (female) friend" on March 31

I also got into some of their old emails, but only until March 18.

keko

Can you get a proof of those?

This is so messed up.

Eli-Zor

I suspect a polygraph will be due when you arrive home. In between now and then bluff and imply the OM through her under the bus.
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Martin12

Maybe. That would be intense, hiring someone to give her a poly.

The thing is, it would not be the biggest thing if she has done him, I just don't like the lying. She has been lying and giving me trickle truth and I am going nuts digging for info over here and with OMW.

Eli-Zor

Unfortunately it is the cheaters way to admit only to what they have been caught out on. Their policy is to lie until they die. It is this lying that hurts and eventually you either accept it or take her for a poly. The threat of a Poly's often cause a pre test epiphany sometimes in the car park moments before the tests starts.
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Martin12

I know, he called her last night and this morning.

Humble Pie

so much for no contact.

I wouldnt believe another word out of her mouth, its been lies from here on out as you are still on the rollercoaster ride going down fast.

You have given her the benefit of the doubt through this whole thread and it has cost you dearly. What are your plans now?

Shaggy

At this point, what is the point of confusing the battle?

You have a sex video of her cheating.
You can see credit card charges of her meeting up with him.
She is still actively talking with him.
He is getting divorced and will be free to hookup whenever.
I believe she s planning on leaving you for him. She is just waiting until she is ready. Right now you are far away and she can and is contacting and meeting up whenever she wants because you aren't able to do anything.about it.

I would say your marriage is over and done.

I would take a family leave of absence if you could and go home to visit a lawyer and secure your possessions. Tell her she's done with you and she should just move out if she wants him so badly..
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Martin12

First, there was no sex video - I just said that a sex video would be 100% proof, and I did not have 100% proof.

My heart is pounding as I'm writing this, it's been pounding all day and almost all last night. I only slept a couple of hours, but have been jacked up all day on adrenaline.

Some crazy stuff happened yesterday. At the time of the NC email (May 3), she gave me her email passwords. I spent a lot of time going though her emails yesterday and found an address for an anonymous email address I knew she had used. I was able to reset the password for that through her primary email address and, bingo! -- she had forwarded a whole series of emails between them in March.

These emails were shocking in the growing intimacy, quickly leading to professions of love. It also hurt that I was somewhat unfavorably mentioned a couple of times. It will take me awhile to get over these.

I thought the emails were incredibly emotionally manipulative and needy from his end, but she responded to them while at the same time I was wondering why she was talking about dumping me for not being "loving" enough.

Also, through our telcom account, I saw that he called her on our landline on Saturday night.

I called her and then got her and him on a conference call and she told him not to contact her. He said he would not contact her, but was always willing to be contacted by her. That drove me even more ballistic.

She said they were making out in a car for awhile, but no sex.

I contacted a couple of his adult children and told them that their father was cheating on their mother. This got me a sympathetic response from one of his sons and an angry response from OMW, who told me to stop "harassment." So I guess I blew it with OMW as a source of info by getting the kids involved, but I needed to inflict some pain on him. I did cue her into the fact that OM had told my wife about a recent affair he had in one of his emails to her, though.

So, I hope I disrupted the affair.

Now, my wife tells me she's glad it's over, acknowledges that he was manipulating her (and was also a big cheater on his wife) and says she is relieved and glad I fought for her. She (and him) deny having sex - there was at least one good opportunity on March 31.

I think reading the emails was worse than watching a video of her getting it on with a young stud for sex would have been (I am a little pervy, I guess)

I will probably go home soon for awhile, but it will take me awhile to get over this. I think we can get over it. I have a bit of a thick skin and actually learned some things about her from the emails. There is no point in me trying to distinguish my past cheating (90% for sexual thrills) and her emotional attachment to this guy.

We shall see. I just wish my heart rate would go down.

snap

They had sex. They met in an hotel. The only reason married people meet in the hotels is to have sex. If they wanted to just hang out, there are tons of more affordable and convenient places.

Shaggy

Make sure you copy the emails to a safe account. Do not tell her you know this account if you can avoid it.

Look. They had sex, they met at a hotel which btw your wife appears to still deny. But you have the receipts.

I can see the OMW being upset over you contacting her kids. I agree with you having done it, but I can see her position.

Your wife is still lyng to you. She didn't give up all her email accounts at all. She hasn't come clean about the affair. And she didn't tell you immediately that he contacted her.
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Martin12

Sure, I can assume that. That would not be as bad as the emails anyways. If there's one thing I can understand and forgive it's mindless animal passion.

She says they didn't meet in the hotel, they had dinner (I know, first it was "coffee"). He was there because it was halfway between her house and his business office (2hr drive either way) and she was meeting a depressed widow old friend in the same town. A bit "convenient" to be sure.

She says she's so relieved that she didn't have sex - it was their first meeting and she would never have sex on a "first date" (this I actually kind of believe given her ethnic and cultural background) so she stayed at the friend's house.

Oh, one odd thing was that she had done google searches almost as soon as she got home after seeing him for "erectile dysfunction" and "prostrate cancer" - when I confronted her about this she said it was the result of an older female friend talking about her new boyfriend and asking for information and advice. Hmmm.

bandit.45

I kind of agree with you that the substance of her e-mails to him were more hurtful than any potential sexual encounter they may have had.

I read my ex's e-mails to her lover, and just as in your case they started off innocent but over time developed into full on x-rated sex talk. Eventually she did have sex with him after I confronted her about the e-mails, but the e-mails damaged me worse than her PA did.
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Count of Monte Cristo

Bandit, I know what you mean about the damage from reading the emails. The night of dday I went to my business and spent the entire night reading all 200+ pages of explicit communications between the ex and OM. I read things that no husband should ever have to read -- it was like watching a slow motion train wreck but not being able to look away.

The worst part was that the OM liked to write stories about what he was going to do to my ex -- and she encouraged this by asking him to 'write her a story.' I have to say he had a pretty good imagination. He could always get a job writing porn pulp fiction.

Anyway, I gotta stop now. Starting to trigger.

Eli-Zor

You wife is full of bull and its starting to smell, she knows it, you know it , we know it .

So long as she continues to lie turn the screws tighter and tighter.