04-30-2012, 08:28 AM
Join Date: Dec 2011
| | Is there really a drawback in being completely honest?
I finally had an epiphany this weekend and was able to connect the dots between the e-mails, texts and what my bf said.
I do think that he was hoping to get back with his ex gf cum EA even though he keeps framing it as "just friends." The turning point which my bf agrees to is one weekend in September. but his story is that because he only saw her as just a friend all that time, she started behaving as more than a friend on the evening and he knew he needed to put a lid on it.
the hard evidence (ie credit card statements, texts, e-mails and even some things that he said) would suggest more that he was hot to have a second chance and on this fatal evening that he was out with her something happened that made him realise that she would always treat him more like a walking credit card than as a boyfriend.
I'll try to give as few pertinent details as possible. But he complained to me on more than one occasion that his EA and his friends "got away" with getting him to close the bar tab one evening. but then 2 weeks after that specific event, I noticed a charge even 50% higher than the one he complained about. Hmmmmm, he maintains that it was just him and her and she offered him money afterwards to defray the charge. I saw the menu to that bar online, drinks for GBP4 and GBP and hamburgers for less than GBP10, there's no way only two people could run up a charge that high.
Then there was an e-mail 4 days after that evening in which she accused him of kissing her and then having the nerve to call it a pity kiss. She goes on to say that she valued his friendship but that she wasn't going to chase him.
He admitted to me that he initiated that kiss in question and that he was more enthusiastic than she was. It leads me to believe that he was pissed off at paying the bar tab for her and her friends (it was 3 figures) and went in for the kiss for some reassurance that she liked him at all. Since he described himself to me as more enthusiastic than she about it, she must have backed off and that led him to finally accept, she was not with him for an exclusive relationship.
After he came clean to me about this woman (to some degree) and we were exclusive, he did try to frame her as a friend. But didn't tell me about his later interactions with her until I asked him directly.
What I find interesting here is, have any of you WPs who stayed with your partners after the intransigence ever just admitted, yes I found him/her hot/exciting/whatever that I just had to go all out to see if we could work again/ at all? If you did, in hindsight, did you decide that that was the best thing to do?
If you didn't, why did you choose the "just a friend" route. Did you regret trying to downplay the situation over time? -- Particularly when evidence came out that contradicted what you said?
And finally, should I be worried that my bf keeps trying to frame it all as "just friends" is this a red flag on his integrity?
Last edited by NextTimeAround; 04-30-2012 at 08:32 AM.