Hi all, (and sorry for the long story)
I'm a newly married husband and my new wife just told me that she cheated on me while we were dating. We started dating in high school and I thought we had the perfect relationship. We were very intimate and had even discussed getting married after graduating college. However, during my senior year in college (we had been dating for 4 years at this point), she apparently starting seeing another guy.
She developed feelings for this other guy and over the course of a year, she spent time at his place mostly watching movings, spooning, cuddling, etc. She swears nothing else happened during this time.
The summer after college graduation I noticed a change in her personality. We had a tiny fight about something pretty trivial-- not a bad fight, just a normal disagreement like most couples occasionally have. She called me the next day and said she wanted to take a break from our relationship. She vilified me during this conversation saying I was egotistical, self-centered, and lacking in the sexual area of our relationship. By the way, my family, friends and counselor all agreed that her assessment of my personality was not correct.
I was shocked and hurt because everything seemed to be going so well in our relationship. This essentially came out of the blue for me. I tried to get her to go to couples counseling with me, but she refused. However, she did promise to remain faithful and exclusive to me, saying she didn't want either of us to hook up with anyone while we were on break. She told me at the time that she just wanted a break so I could work on my personality issues. She didn't want to date or see anyone else...or so she told me.
Apparently, the night after she called me to ask for a break, she decided to start a more physical relationship with the other guy from college, despite promising to remain exclusive and faithful. The night she asked for the break, she slept with the other guy, but she promises that they only kissed topless at this time-- there was no sex, yet. She didn't start having sex with him until a couple weeks later. By the way, during this time, she was still asking for us to remain faithful to each other. I wasn't going out looking for girls because I assumed we were still exclusive. They only had sex for a week before the other guy stopped it. The other guy was ironically interested in another girl.
After some time, we decided to get back together. However, while we were getting back together, she apparently hooked up with yet another guy! (different from college guy) She swears that they just hooked up a couple times and only kissed and fondled , no sex.
We got married a couple years later. However, I just found out this entire story now, during the second week of our marriage. I'm hurt because she didn't tell me until after we were married. I had just assumed that I was marrying someone who prided themselves on honesty-- I'm worried now that I assumed wrong...
To make matters worse, it took almost a week to get the entire story out. She would promise me that she had told me everything, and then I'd find out something more the next time we'd talk.
I just don't know what to do now. I really love my wife, but I feel hurt, betrayed and used. I feel like the only reason she asked for the break was so she could start a more physical relationship with this other guy and not feel too guilty. I feel like she manipulated me during the break, too, since she made us promise to remain faithful to each other, while at the same time sleeping with some other guy! I feel like I have to keep questioning her honesty because she lied about remaining faithful to me all these years.
I'd appreciate any insight. I'm just feeling so empty right now. This is not what I wanted my first couple weeks of marriage to feel like.
Hate to say it but most likely she is lying. She had sex with them both As a husband with a spouse that cheated my advice is to get out now. You have plenty of time to find a better woman. she cheated on you twice already. Get tested for STDs and get a lawyer. Get it annulled if possible.
You should seek an annulment. She trapped you. She knew she cheated and that you would rightfully dump her for it. So she deliberately conspired to lie to you until the marriage.
Btw, if she was so good a easily choosing to cheat and strong you along, she's got tat ability still. She cheated at least twice without guilt, she could easily cheat without guilt now too.
Marriage requires trust, and only two weeks in you have learned that she cannot be trusted.
You should seek an annulment. She trapped you. She knew she cheated and that you would rightfully dump her for it. So she deliberately conspired to lie to you until the marriage.
Btw, if she was so good a easily choosing to cheat and strong you along, she's got tat ability still. She cheated at least twice without guilt, she could easily cheat without guilt now too.
Marriage requires trust, and only two weeks in you have learned that she cannot be trusted.
Annulment. Posted via Mobile Device
Trust has been destroyed at the beginning of this marriage. Without trust, there's no foundation here. It will ALWAYS be there in the back of your head. In addition, she was able to do this, manipulate you into being faithful while she played around.
You have been given a clear view of what's in store for the future if you stay with this woman. She can ALREADY lie to you with a straight face.
Immediately stop having sex with her - DO NOT get her pregnant
Don't walk...RUN to your nearest lawyer to see about annulment or divorce
Been there. I saw the red flags of my ex cheating while we were engaged, but I went ahead and married him thinking he would quit. I was pregnant. I was wrong. He kept cheating with several other women. I left, 3 days later another woman moved in. Since then they married and I know of 3 women he slept with on her.
I remarried a few years later and I have a wonderful husband whom I 100% trust! We've had the best 12 years of marriage so far and I can not imagine life without him. He feels the same way about me and we are a fabulous team.
Your early in the marriage. I personally would not stay. She's lied to you and broken the trust.
I agree with everyone else and see a lawyer about an annulment. She was cheating on you and putting your health at risk for STD's (if you believe she did not have sex then I have a bridge to sell you).
She wanted to have sex with one of these guys so she breaks up with you just to have sex with him. Your wife is quite the manipulator and a liar. I do not know how you could possibly ever trust her now and in the future. You married the wrong person and she tricked you. See a lawyer.
I was in a similar situation. I found out about my wife cheating just 3 months after we got married. As hard as it must be, you need to find a good lawyer and get an annulment immediately!! She will cheat on you again. This won't be the last of it if you stay with her. Posted via Mobile Device
I figure reading these replies must be pretty jarring and it's certainly NOT what you wanted to hear?. lol.
I assume you don't want to divorce her and despite all that's happened your really only looking for a way to get through this?. Divorce, anulments, etc... aren't really 'on the table' for you yet. You might even be thinking 'annulment?! that's rediculous, i love her we are going to get through this...' Probably just trying to get your head around this and rationalize some of this pain away... ?
Sound about right?
If your going to try to make a life and family with this women there is really only one thing that MUST happen. There must be consequences. Your going to have to be willing to take this relationship all the way to the brink, it's got to be put to the test. Not half way, not token testing.... You have to play poker here. Her reactions and her behaviors to your 'willingness to walk' will tell you everything you need to know... She either 'comes to jesus' or she tries to manipulate you and play more head games...
get out now or you will be back here in a matter of time run dont walk to the nearest atty and see if you can get an anullment its just a matter of time when she says she needs to take a break in your marriage because she needs to find herself or something like that
I figure reading these replies must be pretty jarring and it's certainly NOT what you wanted to hear?. lol.
I assume you don't want to divorce her and despite all that's happened your really only looking for a way to get through this?. Divorce, anulments, etc... aren't really 'on the table' for you yet. You might even be thinking 'annulment?! that's rediculous, i love her we are going to get through this...' Probably just trying to get your head around this and rationalize some of this pain away... ?
Sound about right?
If your going to try to make a life and family with this women there is really only one thing that MUST happen. There must be consequences. Your going to have to be willing to take this relationship all the way to the brink, it's got to be put to the test. Not half way, not token testing.... You have to play poker here. Her reactions and her behaviors to your 'willingness to walk' will tell you everything you need to know... She either 'comes to jesus' or she tries to manipulate you and play more head games...
That will tell you what you need to know.
^This is how I currently feel. I know most everyone is saying get an annulment/ divorce/ leave her...but those options are out of the question. When I gave her my vows, I promised to remain with her through trials and tribulations--not to just abandon ship when the seas got rough. I still love her unconditionally meaning I love her with no strings attached, past mistakes included.
That being said, I'm still struggling with this. And after reading all of these posts, I am worried about future infidelity. Does everyone really believe "once a cheater, always a cheater," or are people really able to change? She has been crying along side me through this entire ordeal. It's hard for me to believe that she would ever do this again, but after reading many of these responses, I'm starting to worry again. Thanks everyone for your input so far.
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Wife cheated before marriage 
