First, there is no privacy in marriage. No secrets. None. She should have full access to your phone and e-mail anytime and vice versa.
Second, she would not be so defensive and angry at you looking at her e-mails if she was not trying to hide something.
I would back off for now and install a keylogger program on the computer. Now that you have snooped on her facebook she will use other e-mail methods to contact him.
Don't go off half-c0cked and accuse her of anything until you have solid proof she is having an affair with this guy. Play dumb for now and be patient. See what you can dig up. Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks for all the input. I am staying away from her computer and I can see who she texts because her phone is on my account and she knows this so if she was doing something, she wouldn't text. I have no idea how much this guy is in contact with her. He knows she is married and I have gone to the shows in the past but I can't stand them.
I just got home and she told the kids she was sick and went to bed so it will be a peaceful evening. I am afraid divorce is ahead, as we have had fights about this show many times the last 3 years.
I am still stunned she would friend this guy, but there seems to be nothing I can do to make her want to stop. She is almost 37 going on 21.
Again thanks for the input, i just needed some other opinions. I know snooping on a computer is wrong but I should have found nothing and then felt like an *******.
Thanks again.
Snooping is not wrong when she is behaving in a suspicious manner. You are trying to save your marriage!
A celebrity crush is fine if we were talking about somebody like George Clooney. She will never be alone with him, and he dates supermodels. So he wouldn't be interested in your wife.
But, we're talking about a local cover band. Those guys are completely accessible. It's not appropriate for her to act like a lovestruck teenager with this guy any more than it would be for her to have a crush on your neighbor.
So, you need to put a stop to this. If she will listen to you, then tell her not to go to anymore shows. But it doesn't sound like she will. So, you have to catch her in emails or Facebook messages being inappropriate. That will probably be easy enough.
Here's another thought. Apologize for overreacting. And go to show with her. Tell her you just want to meet her friend that is such an amazing musician. It's pretty easy to c0ckblock when you're standing next to your wife.
Absoluely. A wife becoming a cover band goupie is very low value on her part. Get real.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
thanks for all the input. I am staying away from her computer and i can see who she texts because her phone is on my account and she knows this so if she was doing something, she wouldn't text. I have no idea how much this guy is in contact with her. He knows she is married and i have gone to the shows in the past but i can't stand them.
I just got home and she told the kids she was sick and went to bed so it will be a peaceful evening. I am afraid divorce is ahead, as we have had fights about this show many times the last 3 years.
I am still stunned she would friend this guy, but there seems to be nothing i can do to make her want to stop. She is almost 37 going on 21.
Again thanks for the input, i just needed some other opinions. I know snooping on a computer is wrong but i should have found nothing and then felt like an *******.
Thanks again.
37? Ufb
She has been doing this stuff for the last three years. Wow.
Transparency is the adult respectful thing to do. All is fair in protecting a marriage. So please weigh the heavy PC notion that checking on your wife is wrong against a very good possibilty some guy is trying to get in her pants. You do the math. Better to lose your wife to a cover band guy than live with the incredible stigma of caring enough to help her remain faithful? Oh well.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 05-01-2012 at 07:25 PM.
She thinks everything she has done is fine. She destroyed 2 phones and lost $50 another night out of her purse because she gets so drunk. Going to his facebook page to look at pictures everyday for 4 weeks is OK. It is impossible to reason with that logic.
She thinks everything she has done is fine. She destroyed 2 phones and lost $50 another night out of her purse because she gets so drunk. Going to his facebook page to look at pictures everyday for 4 weeks is OK. It is impossible to reason with that logic.
You cannot reason with someone who is out of control of themselves. All you can do is know your own boundaries and hold others accountable.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Ok, time for some serious advice. You need to serve her divorce papers to shock her out of her fog. She is not going to listen to you right now. She is infatuated with this guy and if she is not in a physical affair yet she soon will be. I would consider this a severe danger to your marriage and it should be treated appropriately. If you manage to shock her out of this ridiculous behavior by having her served with papers then you can start discussing boundaries and codes of reasonable conduct. If you don't stop this now she will end up in an affair. If not with this guy than another. She's out of control. Time to put the hammer down friend.
Is there some reason you can't go with her? Are these women only shows? I don't know, me, I'd be going along protecting my turf like a bull. I'm not going to tell my wife she can't go someplace but I'm also not going to ask permission to go there myself. If she's out partying while you stay home with the kids she must think you're all kinds of beta.
Ok, time for some serious advice. You need to serve her divorce papers to shock her out of her fog. She is not going to listen to you right now. She is infatuated with this guy and if she is not in a physical affair yet she soon will be. I would consider this a severe danger to your marriage and it should be treated appropriately. If you manage to shock her out of this ridiculous behavior by having her served with papers then you can start discussing boundaries and codes of reasonable conduct. If you don't stop this now she will end up in an affair. If not with this guy than another. She's out of control. Time to put the hammer down friend.
I think that is what she wants. Last night when we were arguing she kept blaming me for ruining our marriage and messing up our kids. She wants out but wants me to be the one at fault. All conjecture but that is all I can do with someone who doesn't tell me anything.
I have gone in the past. When we first started going it was OK for the first couple of times but then her and her friends wanted to be right next to the stage and meet the band. But really I was brought along to drive everyone home, and I had a blow up down there once because that was the only reason I was there. I have gone other times but it basically ends in a fight at home.
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Re: Confused by Wife's Actions 
